Porn culture has led to women suffering injuries during sex

What do you do when there are men out there making millions from showing other men how to be violent towards women?

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11103313/British-millionaire-TikTok-influencer-sparks-family-feud-rape-culture-videos.html

Is it any wonder we are where we are?

It's all very well to bin religion - but in that moral vacuum, what have we allowed ourselves to sleep-walk into?

How trite.

I was wondering- and perhaps you and others who enjoy it might know- is it to do with loss of control and responsibility? Or with thrill seeking?

Some people love being flung about on rollercoasters, they like being upside down on a bungee jump.

Is there a similar thrill that feels good? Or is it simply a pleasant physical sensation?

It's possible. Or it's possible they just like it. But whatever it is, you'll "never convince" ChickenChop that some people actually like something that she doesn't. So that's that, then.

I'm wondering if this goes for all other sexual preferences as well. Sex education would certainly be a lot easier if we just had one person who could TELL the whole of the next generation what they like and what they don't!

@Namechange10002 I'm sorry porn and your husband have had such a horrible effect on your life. No one should have to put up with that and I hope you are able.to build a new life for you and your children away from him.

This could all very well be true @gnilliwdog. I'm a bit too old and been single a bit too long to know for sure. But I see this as a different conversation. Even education aside what I'm seeing here is women attacking other women for their sexual choices.

@Namechange10002 that is such a terrible level of abuse. I hope you can escape and heal. 24 hour violent porn is conditioning men's sexual response, I do believe.

I often wonder about the men mumsnetters get involved with. OH is another who thinks anal is weird, he even thinks oral is a bit off (at least as far as women are concerned) why would anyone want to put someone's dick in their mouth.

I don't think it's only men there are lots of women who seem to enjoy sex in lots of ways, good luck to them if thats their thing.

You need lots of lube, you need to start small to relax the muscles, and you need to ensure that you're empty, so to speak.

How do you do this? The bowel doesn’t stop working during sex. You might be empty at the start but you might fill up during the deed.

"“Increased rates of faecal incontinence and anal sphincter injury have been reported in women who have anal intercourse,” the report said."

The thing is, that's not an insignificant potential side effect. I mean, that's a horrible thing to be putting up with.

I'd have to really love it to risk that!!

I started having sex before the internet was a thing and it was fairly prevalent then I thought.

It's not something that I've ever been into, a few partners have expressed interest, the last one to do so was a woman in her 50s

That's not what I'm seeing here. What I'm seeing is judgement of women by women. No one is saying that the article is not true nor that education is not all important to safe sexual practices.

The problem is that someone who cares for you wouldn't want to whip, choke or try anal with you.Not enough study of the mindset of men who think such violence is part of sex.

There’s been a huge agenda of telling this generation that anal sex is exciting and fun and describing how to do it- with no mention of the consequences. I think this generation is going be look back and be furious at a lot of the things they were told that it was “fun” to do.

@Thatswhyimacat
I agree with your post in that that type of superior attitude is annoying. But what I think some posters are trying to get at is that women often have a tendency to be people-pleasing and, in particular, man-pleasing. They do things they don’t enjoy or that are bad for their physical or mental health in order to please men.
For example, I know women who do everything around the house, all the housework, childcare etc despite having fulltime jobs - in some cases leading to breakdowns/exhaustion just because it pleases their OH who likes to boast about how great his wife/partner is and how he never has to help at home.
You sound like an empowered women who doesn’t agree to things you don’t want to do and that’s great but unfortunately not all women are like you. Some women - and especially younger women who are finding their path in life - may need help and support to put in the appropriate boundaries that work for them.

Just want to put my two pen'orth in and say I believe porn has ultimately ruined my marriage and yes has left me injured, physically and emotionally. Although I know this is a conscious decision of my dh's to watch it and no one is forcing him so ultimately it's on him.

And also: this is not something that is exclusive to the young. My dh is 50 years old and due to his (what I believe is probably) a porn addiction and the problems this has led to in our relationship, I am now seriously considering divorce.

As long as 20 years ago when we first started dating I found a huge stash of porn magazines in his spare room. I questioned him about it then but he said he'd only used them when he was single (a lie of course but I was in love and thought "ok, I can get over this"). We went on to marry and have dc's and when my youngest was a baby I found out he had been on dating websites talking to various women (all sex talk) Again when challenged he minimised/denied and said it was just about the "titillation" aspect of it when he was bored at work (!!).

Over the years have caught him several times watching porn, seen gross things in his search history.

Foolishly perhaps I ultimately tried to get over it as I had 2 young dc's and a tiny baby. I also was a sahm and didn't see how I could financially cope alone.

Then there's our sex life: what I used to think was good just isn't anymore. Being on MN especially has taught me a lot about consent, porn addiction and the affects of that and just feeling stronger in myself in general and what misogynistic twats a lot of men are.
Over the years dh has always tried to push my boundaries and get me to do stuff I may have been uncomfortable with. It honestly feels like it has just got worse and worse as he's got older. Not so much the frequency of sex anymore as that has wained a bit probably due to his age but the things he wants to do. I have occasionally done anal bc he wanted to (and a large part of me - stupidly - thought of him on those dating websites and felt like if I don't do this stuff he might look for someone who will behind my back) but then a while back after struggling and in pain for days afterwards told him "no more."
There are other things he always wants to do that I can't even bring myself to mention as well as strangling me/pulling my hair. Then it progressed to punching me in the ribs and back, leaving bruises. I would talk to him about it afterwards and how I didn't like it and ask him why he felt the need to do it and the answer seems to always be variations of "you enjoy it, don't pretend you don't". He would then stop for a bit but then do it again, or move on to something else. I've also had the spitting thing. The most recent one and strangely the one that has made me think "enough now" is the last time we had sex he started calling me a "fat bitch". He said it several times and I was really shocked. I'm not fat at all btw, but that's not the point! It really upset me bc I realised it's about him getting off on humiliating me. I've realised that ultimately this is about him and his problems, whatever they are, with not being able to have normal, "vanilla" sex and be able to come. I believe this is probably due to him watching lots of porn and probably wanking to increasingly extreme things and now being unable to enjoy "normal" sex with his wife.

I am so angry and resentful of him now that ive told him I'd like him to leave (there are other issues too as if this wasn't enough!)

He's currently staying elsewhere and I'm home with the dc's whilst I think about my future.I don't really want him to come home. In some ways I love him, and we could've had a good future together but this has just blighted everything for me and I'm sick of it. I know in my heart he can't really love me.

And I believe it's all tied up in porn culture and the way it normalises these extreme sexual practices and makes women feel they are inferior or prudish if they don't wish to engage in these things or see them as normal.

Sorry, I know I'm rambling and I don't really know what I want from this post except maybe seeing it written down will make me take it seriously and say to some of those who don't think it's a big deal "this is what porn has done to my marriage and to me". I'm feeling very sad atm. It breaks my heart to think of my dd ever going through any of this - I can only hope she finds a better man than her father.

The posters who are suggesting that some sort of sex education around lube or whatever precautions you take are being very shortsighted.

With activities that carry a decent level of risk of harm we don't promote it, even if there is a better way to do it.

Schools teach don't do drugs. They don't teach not to have water with extacy or clean needles are fine.

We don't teach that s and m choking or breath play is fine because it is an internally dangerous thing to do.

Perhaps anal slips under the radar because the consequences usually only effect the individual and can be invisible.

But it smacks to me of a total lack of care for the people who end up with consequences to just breezily suggest education.

This !!!

I enjoy anal sex…..well I used to with my ex husband but my new partner is hung like a flipping horse and it’s never going to happen.

Anal sex doesn’t have to be tabu or wrong. If done correctly and with consent it’s just another level of intimacy

but with everything in life, each to their own.

some women hate or refuse to give blow jobs, personally I get a lot of pleasure myself from giving my partner one

Ok that is interesting. My main worry is that so many abusive/misogynistic behaviours have come from porn being so widespread that younger women feel pressured and "boring " if they don't want to.

@VioletInsolence I do agree- on my first date 45 years ago the 17 year old lad turned up with a big box of Choco and a bunch of flowers !! Now it seems by 2nd date he would be asking if I do anal!! There seems to be a lack of building a relationship and an expectation of porn practices amongst many men

"Just wondered if any other older women on here have had the same experience of not being asked for anal sex"

I'm 52 and the first time I was asked, I was 19, so maybe it's more common now, but certainly nothing new.

I think women are allowed to enjoy what they want knowing the consequences. It looks like I’m the odd one out because I really enjoy it. Im not ashamed to say it…..it’s what I’m into and have to say that it really turns me on. You like what you like.

"What happened to love making with someone you love.
Now you have to have a vibrator in one hole, him in another whilst standing on your head. No thank you. I'd rather not bother."

A long long time ago there was this really antiquated idea that sex and love were somehow linked to each other.

Now men don't even bother to feign something, they literally just hate women so much that if they do not agree to anything which appears in porn they have watched they are going to try to shame them.

Terrified for my daughter.

From the article:

However, women who engage in anal sex are at greater risk from it than men. “Increased rates of faecal incontinence and anal sphincter injury have been reported in women who have anal intercourse,” the report said.

“Women are at a higher risk of incontinence than men because of their different anatomy and the effects of hormones, pregnancy and childbirth on the pelvic floor.

“Women have less robust anal sphincters and lower anal canal pressures than men, and damage caused by anal penetration is therefore more consequential.

“The pain and bleeding women report after anal sex is indicative of trauma, and risks may be increased if anal sex is coerced,” they said.

National Survey of Sexual Attitudes research undertaken in Britain has found that the proportion of 16- to 24-year-olds engaging in heterosexual anal intercourse has risen from 12.5% to 28.5% over recent decades. Similarly, in the US 30% to 45% of both sexes have experienced it.

“It is no longer considered an extreme behaviour but increasingly portrayed as a prized and pleasurable experience,” wrote Hunt, a surgeon in Sheffield, and Gana, a trainee colorectal surgeon in Yorkshire.

Many doctors, though, especially GPs and hospital doctors, are reluctant to talk to women about the risks involved, partly because they do not want to seem judgmental or homophobic, they add.

“However, with such a high proportion of young women now having anal sex, failure to discuss it when they present with anorectal symptoms exposes women to missed diagnoses, futile treatments and further harm arising from a lack of medical advice,” the surgeons said.

NHS patient information about the risks of anal sex is incomplete because it only cites STIs, and makes “no mention of anal trauma, incontinence or the psychological aftermath of the coercion young women report in relation to this activity”.

Seeing as some people are too busy promoting anal sex and their cool girl reputation to actually read it.

It

This is exactly the point, that it is now expected. There are enough replies on here that illustrate how many women are either basically raped anally whilst having intercourse or coerced into it so that a man can tick it off his checklist to earn his "brown wings". This is not the same thing as the women on here who are saying they consented and enjoyed it. It has become the norm.