Porn culture has led to women suffering injuries during sex

I'm broadly live and let live when it comes to fetishes - I enjoy playing with mild pain for the purposes of pleasure, the same with mild power dynamics - but anybody who enjoys choking/hurting/frightening another human or wants to sleep with somebody who gets their kicks from doing that to them needs to go see a therapist.

Hygiene is really important if you indulging in anal.play even without penetration...two friends got really serious uti and kidney infections from cross over from anal to vaginal play without cleaning.

I don’t see it as a loss of control at all. I don’t feel controlled by a man who does it. Don’t get me wrong it’s a bit uncomfortable as it goes in but when it’s in it feels really good. Sorry if it’s tmi! I also love being spanked. Not because I like being hurt but it’s the whole pleasure and pain thing. When you’re being spanked whilst having sex it feels good (to me anyway) if someone slapped my bum like that normally it would hurt but when it’s during sex it feels good. It’s not me wanting to be dominated by a man and I have never ever been coerced or talked into it by a man. It’s something that I like and I enjoy purely from a sexual point of view. The men I have been with have never asked, it’s been me suggesting and seeing if that’s what they are into as well.

"Even better, men admire women who can do it!"

For a young woman to come out with this really says it all about how incredibly successful men have been at making anal mainstream.
They don't "admire" you, they have just achieved what they wanted to achieve.

I'm not sure of your point here? There are plenty of couples who engage in safe, consented, safeworded anal sex and without the BDSM element too (as seen in this thread if you've read the whole thing). It's infantilising and reductionist to suggest that ALL anal sex is abusive/dangerous/assault.

@gnilliwdog aye. Perhaps you just need more practice… 🙄 fucking ludicrous.

why not just make knocking someone’s teeth out a normal part of intimacy?

@UrslaB I totally get what you are saying. The thing is if I'm honest I've never been fussed enough about sex to be remotely interested in anything that requires 'preparation' over and above maybe contraceptives and sometimes lube or any practice that requires me mentally to 'build up' to it.

Fair enough if others are - I don't have an issue with it if they enjoy it and I may be wrong but I think a great many women would feel like I do-
to quote an Al Stewart lyric I'm personally all for 'if it doesn't come naturally, leave it!!!

gnilliwdog
DobbyHasASock
Namenic
msssm

Thanks for reading it and for your messages - I know it was a bit of a novel!

Just typing it out feels quite cathartic somehow. I could never talk about it in RL.
Just the realisation I felt the need to name change annoys me. I feel shame, and my finger hovered over the 'post' button for ages before I pressed it. But I know the shame shouldn't be mine - I also am pretty sure he doesn't feel any.

Choking safely?!

I get a really unpleasant vibe off a lot of men these days, that there's an increasing problem with them just seeing us as pieces of meat.

I wonder if porn is linked to that.

I think what’s important is BOTH the adults consent and want to, and it’s done safely. I have friends (women) who are really into choking, prefer anal over the normal penetrative sex etc etc - and they do it safely. Stuff like this - should be discussed beforehand. Sex Education - important.

But you can’t deny that there has been a massive increase in people doing or wanting to do anal than there used to be and that’s because people think they ‘should’ do it rather than actually wanting to.

Or maybe there is less of a taboo around anal sex these days and women are less likely to be be shamed into thinking it is some dirty awful act like they used to??

There are several people on here insisting that they enjoy it, that they are engaging in something with their full consent but apparently they don't know what they are talking about, they have been conditioned into thinking they like it by men. It is an incredibly patronising attitude.

I often wonder whether porn warps men, or whether the men are already warped and the porn just feeds their fantasies. I doubt the internet turns a nice man into a pervert, but I'm sure it can turn a pervert into a monster. Imagine the horrors you can find on the dark web! All over the country there must be men who spend hour after hour watching, well, I don't even want to think about it. God knows what that does to their minds. There is a limitless supply of such videos. And if that's all you watch, it quickly becomes the norm.

"The article explains why. I’m not sure why people are getting offended at the suggestion that education is required to ensure it is practiced as safely as possible."

It's because it absolutely 100% is in men's favour to agree with the idea that there are literally no physiological differences between men and women. The "pelvic floor" is not a thing. There are no physical consequences of childbirth for women. Women's bodies should not change as a result of their reproductive make up or childbirth. All these things are very inconvenient for men who are tunnel vision on their sex life in relation to which nothing should get in the way.

This, by the way, is why so many men are just silent about the whole transgender thing because the idea that male and female bodies are interchangeable suits male-sexual-preferences-trump-everything agenda.

Excellent!! 😂

I want to pick up on something grumps said all the way back on page 1 4 hours ago.

the word “practice”.

there you go your vanilla prudes, you just need to put in the hours. It’s a bit like parallel parking, keep on trying and you’ll learn to love it and do it safely. Even better, men admire women who can do it!

signed, a former “cool girl” who did it to impress but now understands she was coerced by porn-addled saddos.

Well put.

A PP said that it was nonsense to say that male and female anuses are different. The article explains that they are. There are lots of defensive posts from people who enjoy it which isn’t really relevant to whether or not it’s safe. And yes, there is also a hell of a lot of judgement.

When do schools go back again?

@ANewNameANewDay the BDSM community always used to acknowledge they were niche. They had their own groups and clubs and were really hot on consent and safewords. Sexual harassment was absolutely not tolerated in fetish clubs But we are talking about anal, arguably a BDSM practice being mainstream with none of those safeguards.

I find the tone of this thread very disappointing. Blanket addresses of "Men now" and "it's horrendous." Very sweeping statements.

Yes there are women here who find the very concept of anal repulsive and there are those who have unfortunately had terrible experiences with men. But by the same token there are women and men who find anal pleasurable because if done correctly...well the anus has a lot of nerve endings so it can be very pleasant for some people.

However, like any sexual act, anal sex is only as good as the communication and trust that exists between the people involved. More so for anal since it requires a frank conversation before hand, ample preperation by both parties and if you are a beginner a long period of 'building up' to it. I refer to the anal snails mantra of "slow, lubed and communicating!"

My issue with pornography is not the acts which are shown but with the normalisation of them without the required communication and preperation beforehand. So many perople, BOTH men and women, see what happens in porn and think they have an automatic need or right to replicate what they have seen. I really think all porn should require disclaimers by the professionals involved where they verbalise to the camera beforehand what they have consented to do in the scene people are about to see and what preperations were taken for it.

Any individual who tries to engage in a sexual act, be that oral, anal, penetration of any kind, tying you up, using toys etc, without discussing it first with you is an inconsiderate and possibly abusive idiot who should be thrown to the curb with all due haste. Communication and consent are key.

This I feel is doubly true where the normalisation of 'spanking' or 'hitting' comes into play. 1/3 of women now say they have been choked or slapped during sex without their consent...This I think is a massive result of porn, young men and women see professionals in porn being slapped and assume that is okay in the real world. More over, some even think it is necessary for good sex. It is not.

To my university boyfriend who slapped me on the bum during sex out of the blue one night becaue he thought it would spice things up and to an ex girlfried who twisted my nipples painfully for some random reason cause she thought it would exciting...I am looking at you. They deserved the long and vicious lectures about consent, safe sex and communciation they got afterwards.

Nothing should happen without consent. I would never judge someone on what they enjoy in bed because hey, a love tap, a swat, some cursing, pinching, biting, hair pulling etc at just the right moment can heighten pleasure for some people if that is their thing. But that is not for everyone and is something to be discussed with partners and asked for, explained why they like it, when, where and in what manner it should happen. Otherwise it is is assault. The fact so many men now think slapping women, pulling their hair etc. somehow makes sex better is ridiculous, and so many women just go along with it as though it is normal.

That is the real crime of porn. It is normalising acts without communication and consent. The acts themselves arent the problem, its the behaviours of the people and their lack of commication and consent.

I'm so sorry for your experiences. Please stay strong and don't let him back 💐

CrazyBatLady has it right - 1994. I was an avid reader of Just17 back then, probably a better source of sex advice and knowledge of the law than young people get these days on the internet…

@Namechange10002 - I’m so sorry about your experience. He sounds incredibly selfish and co-ercive. I think you will be better off without him. Sending you good wishes

There's some blatantly ignorant and foolish comments here, from anal-ers and anal haters alike.

My thoughts:

Porn is without a doubt a contributing factor in male violence towards women.

Women are very capable of enjoying anal without attributing that to men. It's banal (excuse the pun) to keep frothing that they don't.

It's not wrong to enjoy choking/anal/BDSM. If it's not for you stick to vanilla and move on.

Women are never going to be able to have a nuanced discussion on the risks/impacts/safety measures of our sexual wellbeing whilst we argue amongst ourselves over each other's arseholes.