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Original poster

Porn culture has led to women suffering injuries during sex

890 replies

Doyoumind · 12/08/2022 10:01

Apart from all the violence etc porn portrays as normal, anal sex is definitely treated as an everyday thing that women enjoy. I don't personally. I know some women claim they do but I've certainly known men who pressure for it and I'm guessing it's only got worse in the years since I was dating.

This article suggests women are unknowingly entering into something that can cause serious injuries.

www.theguardian.com/society/2022/aug/11/rise-in-popularity-of-anal-sex-has-led-to-health-problems-for-women

OP posts:
CrazyBatLady66 · 12/08/2022 16:30

Namechange10002 · 12/08/2022 15:01

Just want to put my two pen'orth in and say I believe porn has ultimately ruined my marriage and yes has left me injured, physically and emotionally. Although I know this is a conscious decision of my dh's to watch it and no one is forcing him so ultimately it's on him.

And also: this is not something that is exclusive to the young. My dh is 50 years old and due to his (what I believe is probably) a porn addiction and the problems this has led to in our relationship, I am now seriously considering divorce.

As long as 20 years ago when we first started dating I found a huge stash of porn magazines in his spare room. I questioned him about it then but he said he'd only used them when he was single (a lie of course but I was in love and thought "ok, I can get over this"). We went on to marry and have dc's and when my youngest was a baby I found out he had been on dating websites talking to various women (all sex talk) Again when challenged he minimised/denied and said it was just about the "titillation" aspect of it when he was bored at work (!!).

Over the years have caught him several times watching porn, seen gross things in his search history.

Foolishly perhaps I ultimately tried to get over it as I had 2 young dc's and a tiny baby. I also was a sahm and didn't see how I could financially cope alone.

Then there's our sex life: what I used to think was good just isn't anymore. Being on MN especially has taught me a lot about consent, porn addiction and the affects of that and just feeling stronger in myself in general and what misogynistic twats a lot of men are.
Over the years dh has always tried to push my boundaries and get me to do stuff I may have been uncomfortable with. It honestly feels like it has just got worse and worse as he's got older. Not so much the frequency of sex anymore as that has wained a bit probably due to his age but the things he wants to do. I have occasionally done anal bc he wanted to (and a large part of me - stupidly - thought of him on those dating websites and felt like if I don't do this stuff he might look for someone who will behind my back) but then a while back after struggling and in pain for days afterwards told him "no more."
There are other things he always wants to do that I can't even bring myself to mention as well as strangling me/pulling my hair. Then it progressed to punching me in the ribs and back, leaving bruises. I would talk to him about it afterwards and how I didn't like it and ask him why he felt the need to do it and the answer seems to always be variations of "you enjoy it, don't pretend you don't". He would then stop for a bit but then do it again, or move on to something else. I've also had the spitting thing. The most recent one and strangely the one that has made me think "enough now" is the last time we had sex he started calling me a "fat bitch". He said it several times and I was really shocked. I'm not fat at all btw, but that's not the point! It really upset me bc I realised it's about him getting off on humiliating me. I've realised that ultimately this is about him and his problems, whatever they are, with not being able to have normal, "vanilla" sex and be able to come. I believe this is probably due to him watching lots of porn and probably wanking to increasingly extreme things and now being unable to enjoy "normal" sex with his wife.

I am so angry and resentful of him now that ive told him I'd like him to leave (there are other issues too as if this wasn't enough!)

He's currently staying elsewhere and I'm home with the dc's whilst I think about my future.I don't really want him to come home. In some ways I love him, and we could've had a good future together but this has just blighted everything for me and I'm sick of it. I know in my heart he can't really love me.

And I believe it's all tied up in porn culture and the way it normalises these extreme sexual practices and makes women feel they are inferior or prudish if they don't wish to engage in these things or see them as normal.

Sorry, I know I'm rambling and I don't really know what I want from this post except maybe seeing it written down will make me take it seriously and say to some of those who don't think it's a big deal "this is what porn has done to my marriage and to me". I'm feeling very sad atm. It breaks my heart to think of my dd ever going through any of this - I can only hope she finds a better man than her father.

I’m so very sorry to hear all this has happened to you. I don’t know what to say other than leaving him is defy what you need to do. I completely believe that porn addiction is real, this is no way for anyone to be treated, I really hope things get better for you and I’m sure they will once you are away from him

Boybandfacedfannyfart · 12/08/2022 16:30

Ack fuck it - I’ll voice what everyone’s thinking…

”stoma” is a very “interesting” username for someone so pro anal sex.

Midlifemusings · 12/08/2022 16:27

I just read a few studies....

Women have higher rates of fecal incontinence in those who have never had anal sex (7.3% vs 5.4% in men). Rates of fecal incontince in women who have had anal sex was 9.9% (this study had very few gay men so the male data on fecal incontinence post anal was skewed by the small sample). Another study of FI in gay men found a fecal incontinence rate of 8.2%

In teens under 19 - 10% of males and females say they have engaged in anal sex. Across the lifespan it is 33% for women and 37% for men.

Approximately 80% of gay men have had anal sex however only about 40% say they enjoy receiving. The other 60% either don't have anal sex or prefer / only top. The average that gay men have penetrative sex is not that frequent across large samples of gay men. About 35% said they had had anal sex in the last month.

In a US study (sample size 2500), 24% of adult women and 13% of adolescent women, 10% of adult men and 4% of adolescent men said they had had a partner do something during sex that made him feel scared. "The sex act most frequently referenced" by both men and women was anal sex. Of the 474 respondents, 75 reported that sex during which they had been scared had involved anal sex.

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1743609521006238
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5231615/
www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2018.1549634

ChocolateCakeYum · 12/08/2022 16:26

Can’t say I haven’t been intrigued by it because I have.

However, I would never indulge because of the health risks and because I have never met a man who is aware of the health risks to women and also think it’s like porn where the dude can just slip his wang inside just like he would a vag.

Yeah no thanks.

Applesonthelawn · 12/08/2022 16:25

Humans have evolved to have a healthy disgust response to faeces that is mostly incompatible with feeling sexy.

Jki · 12/08/2022 16:25

Pinkspice · 12/08/2022 16:20

I really don't give a damn about the feelings of people who want to have anal sex. No one is stopping them and they can just get on with it, frankly.

I'm much more concerned about young women being coerced into things. Once something becomes mainstream, like no pubic hair on women due to porn, it begins much harder to resist it. I absolutely loathe porn because of this tendency for a crossover to people's normal sex lives. Something that used to be an option, becomes a requirement.

And those people who deny this and bleat about their hurt feels are just being disingenuous in the extreme.

Well said.

Stoma · 12/08/2022 16:25

You're so cool.

You're projecting so hard. Do you have an actual response to the fact that that poster enjoyed anal on her own? I don't grasp why you're personally offended.

DobbyHasASock · 12/08/2022 16:25

Ok, so those advocating education I don't think have thought it through.
Who is going to deliver it. Is a professional with Qts going to be happy teaching children about something that is known to have pretty serious health complications and no positives beyond it may feel good? I don't think any competatnt professional would touch it with a bargepole, just as they wouldn't do a how to vape safely seminar.

So if teachers don't deliver it, who does. Are the sort of individuals happy to discuss and promote anal sex the kind of individuals we want around children?

If a child is seriously injured or.dies whilst following advice on how to have safe anal, choking, whatever, who will be held responsible?

If schools are seen to promote a risky behaviour what happens when people take.it up enmasse. Perhaps very few horrific injuries at present because population wise it's still a bit niche. What happens if you give it the green light?

Sex education is primarily about preventing pregnancy, promoting respect and being safe. Done of these fit a model where anal sex is on the menu.

If you take the risk yourself, that's fine. But like smoking, drugs or heavy drinking don't expect the rest of the world to validate your choice.

Miffee · 12/08/2022 16:25

Rooroobear · 12/08/2022 16:24

I AM NOT ASHAMED!!!!

😂

Rooroobear · 12/08/2022 16:24

I AM NOT ASHAMED!!!!

Perplexed0522 · 12/08/2022 16:23

Fifife · 12/08/2022 16:15

Well giving blow jobs isn't my favourite but I do it because my OH enjoys it and I enjoy giving him pleasure.

Show quote history

We’ll just have to agree to disagree on how we feel about the morals surrounding asking partners to do sexual things they don’t want to, and those people then doing it purely just to keep the other person happy.

My husbands knows what acts are “not my favourite thing to do” (aka what I don’t like doing) and so he doesn’t ask me to do it.

gnilliwdog · 12/08/2022 16:21

@Bangolads I don't care if you made it work for you. There are plenty of women coerced into it because men thought they should make it work. Aided by women who say we have to work at it...

Pinkspice · 12/08/2022 16:20

I really don't give a damn about the feelings of people who want to have anal sex. No one is stopping them and they can just get on with it, frankly.

I'm much more concerned about young women being coerced into things. Once something becomes mainstream, like no pubic hair on women due to porn, it begins much harder to resist it. I absolutely loathe porn because of this tendency for a crossover to people's normal sex lives. Something that used to be an option, becomes a requirement.

And those people who deny this and bleat about their hurt feels are just being disingenuous in the extreme.

Miffee · 12/08/2022 16:20

Rooroobear · 12/08/2022 16:13

No one is “flexing”. Stop fucking shaming women because we are saying we enjoy anal. Not through any pressure or control but because it actually feels really good!! (Granted, not to everyone) to each their own. No one is bragging, we are telling our side of how we find anal. If that’s disgusting to you I don’t give a flying fuck. You do you love. I’ll keeping having anal and enjoying it. No shame felt at all!

You should be ashamed.

You see a thread about how the normalisation of a dangerous sex act is harming young women and your reaction is to run around telling everybody you love it.

It's pathetic to be honest. Nobody cares yet you keep turning up one after the other with nothing to add other than telling the whole world how much you enjoy things being stuck up your bum.

picklemewalnuts · 12/08/2022 16:19

So, should there be any boundaries? Can we consent to acts that injure us or are very risky? Where do you draw the line? I'm thinking about the women who have died from 'consensual' choking, and internal haemorrhages from objects inserted into them.

And I know men also have health issues as a result of anal sex. I'm sure the proctologists could tell us plenty.
It would make sense that women's very different biology would exacerbate the problems though.

Rooroobear · 12/08/2022 16:17

Also, no one is trying h to sound like a cool girl!! Ffs grow up. The pp was saying she likes anal masterbation, big bloody whoop! She’s not saying it to sound special or cool. Maybe she’s very comfortable talking about sex which we are all able to do. It’s not being prude. I love dp and I’m happy to say that…..I’m not special or cool it’s my taste!!

picklemewalnuts · 12/08/2022 16:15

Thanks for the answer, @Rooroobear

Fifife · 12/08/2022 16:15

Perplexed0522 · 12/08/2022 16:12

And only does it because you ask.

Show quote history

Well giving blow jobs isn't my favourite but I do it because my OH enjoys it and I enjoy giving him pleasure.

Rooroobear · 12/08/2022 16:13

No one is “flexing”. Stop fucking shaming women because we are saying we enjoy anal. Not through any pressure or control but because it actually feels really good!! (Granted, not to everyone) to each their own. No one is bragging, we are telling our side of how we find anal. If that’s disgusting to you I don’t give a flying fuck. You do you love. I’ll keeping having anal and enjoying it. No shame felt at all!

Perplexed0522 · 12/08/2022 16:12

Fifife · 12/08/2022 16:11

He doesn't dislike it's just not his favourite activity.

Show quote history

And only does it because you ask.

Fifife · 12/08/2022 16:11

Perplexed0522 · 12/08/2022 16:07

In fact I have to ask my OH for anal he would never do it unless I ask it's not his favourite thing.

Maybe you should stop asking your OH to do sexual acts that he clearly doesn’t want to.

How can you get pleasure from something when you know it’s something your OH doesn’t want to do?

He doesn't dislike it's just not his favourite activity.

Miffee · 12/08/2022 16:09

ANewNameANewDay · 12/08/2022 16:07

@Miffee how's the view up there?

Depressing.

DirectionToPerfection · 12/08/2022 16:09

Bangolads · 12/08/2022 15:56

@gnilliwdog the article is scaremongering and not fact. It’s been a perfectly normal part of men’s and wine’s sex lives for hundreds of years. If women have explained to you how they’ve made it work for them then that’s a positive. You don’t have to to try it. It’s not gaslighting 🤦🏼‍♀️ Your ignorance is astounding. Grow up.

Nah, it's been seen as a niche practice until relatively recently. It's pretty obvious that porn is making it more mainstream. I don't believe that's a good thing as it puts pressure on young girls to do something that most of them don't want, and that can be damaging to their health.

Only a tiny minority of women would have been doing anal 100 years ago.

Miffee · 12/08/2022 16:08

Fifife · 12/08/2022 16:06

So someone shouldn't do something they find sexually pleasurable because other women might get pressured ? I'm definitely not a cool girl but what goes on in other people's bedrooms isn't our business unless there's force involved.

Show quote history

As I said earlier to the last poster flexing about shoving things up her arse. You do whatever you want.

Your tone certainly implies you think you're special.

If you don't want to be a cool girl don't act like one.

Perplexed0522 · 12/08/2022 16:07

In fact I have to ask my OH for anal he would never do it unless I ask it's not his favourite thing.

Maybe you should stop asking your OH to do sexual acts that he clearly doesn’t want to.

How can you get pleasure from something when you know it’s something your OH doesn’t want to do?

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