To think there should be a point at which they trust my judgement?

This is a great question.

Due to abuse in my childhood from my dad one of the stipulations was that they couldn't be alone with my parents.

That means either of them or both of them. So now you know. Do not leave your children alone with your parents. Ever.

And how do you know your abuser won't decide to tag along?

Hi OP, if your dad decided to turn up at the cinema with your Mum, would your mum turn him away?

I have professional dealings with SW and children in CP plans.

You judgement is not sound. You have just had their case clsoed (which is the holy grail for many families) and you have chosen to expose your children to your parents.

I think you need to have a very long, objective look at your actions. Of course the SW will be concerned. To their mind it looks like you played by the system until you thought they were not watching. It is going to be very hard to convince them otherwise.

If your parents are not safe (and if your mother enabled abuse and is still with your fathe then she is NOT SAFE) then you need to be as afar away from them as possible for the good of your children.

Listen to the social workers. Listen to what you have to do. Do that.

You have essentially put yourself right back to the beginning and they will not trust you or your judgement again without a crap load of new work on your part.

It could be relevant though. I believe CSA abusers are more likely to reoffend than people who hit their kids hitting their nonresident GC, so they would be less at risk. Not zero risk obviously hence the stipulation but only OP knows the nature of the abuse so calling someone a paedophile/pro paeophilia when you don’t even know what happened is a bit unnecessary.

This is too complex for mumsnet to solve OP. Too many want details and the juicy gossip and to wag their fingers while simultaneously shaking their judgemental heads.

There is some good advice in here but also some really ignorant comments based on having no understanding of the complexity of generational abusive relationships, of which your mother may also have been a victim rather than a perpetrator or enabler. There is a degree of victim blaming in this thread and that helps no one.

In all kindness OP I’d request a meeting with social work to clarify what their continued expectations are of you as a mother no longer under their guidance and supervision. Have it explained clearly and simply and ask questions rather than making assumptions. Leave nothing to chance.

I also think you need to find a way, perhaps with a therapists support, to have the conversations you need to have with your mum about what happened and what is going to happen in the future.

I don't understand why school reported to CS the fact that your DD was going to be alone with your mum if, as you claim, they were not under instructions to do so.

It wasn't considered abuse back then.

Also this is bullshit. You need more help than you realise if you can't understand why it's bullshit. A ruler to the knuckles or a slipper to the backside was considered discipline "back then" and would be abuse nowadays, but would certainly not warrant a prevention order being in place for YOUR children. I'm sorry that happened to you.

Your mum enables your abuse by your dad. Why on earth would you trust her not to enable him to abuse your children?

Your judgement on this is way off, sorry. You are allowing unsupervised contact with a woman who has a track record of enabling child abuse.

Your dad is abuser. Your mum an enabler. You are in denial about the whole thing. And yes,your kids should be protected from all this.

This with bells on. I think you've made a poor judgement here OP. What a shame for your children who were beginning to turn a corner in life. I'm sorry if that's harsh but it's true.

Thanks for the pedantry 🙄
the couple are still child abusers. HTH

Abuse doesn’t necessarily mean CSA, it could be physical violence for example. In fact I struggle to think how CSA wouldn’t have been considered abuse at the time.

Your mother does not need to be alone with your daughter to build a relationship with her. School and social services believe that your children should not be with your parents without supervision. Go with your mother to pick your child up from school and go with them to the cinema. Even though the social worker said it is OK for your Mum to be alone with your daughter, if you do this, you will invite more scrutiny and put your children through more scrutiny. You have already said that your son does not like this - you have the power to stop this now.

Also, how can you bare the thought your dad might, just might get access to your kids through your mum? Your mum probably lied to you saying she knew nothing, yet you trust her on this.
The thought of it makes my toes curl.

(I am a victim of CSA)
You allowed your abuser access to your kids, and still would like him to access them. You want his enabler, his pro child abuse/pro paedophile wife to continue to access your kids too. This is so far beyond the realms of being in any way ok, it’s genuinely horrifying. You need urgent help with your judgement.

Safeguard your kids from child abusers.

It sounds like you are in denial about your mums part in this. And rightly the authorities recognise that denial and are trying to safeguard your children.

Why did the school tell you they would be going on the CIN plan again? It's not upto them.

You mother has stood by a child abuser knowing fine we'll what he done, that makes her just as bad in my opinion.

Oh love you need therapy to untangle all of this. I hope you can access some soon. Good luck.

With respect, your judgement is off, and that is absolutely NOTHING against you, OP, because we are conditioned to believe that what we grew up with is/was 'normal' and conditioning is incredibly difficult to shake off.

However, the fact is that you were abused to such an extent in your childhood that it has seriously affected your mental health to the extent that Social Services has stepped in: that's pretty fucking serious.

PPs have mentioned that your mother is an enabler due to staying with a known child abuser: I won't comment further on this other than to say that the cycle of abuse is well-known, and people who may well have suffered from abuse themselves are not always the best advocates of others.

I think you need to very careful to adhere to SS's conditions to the literal letter, tenuous though it may seem. Your relationship with your children is more important than any relationship with their grandparents.

But what if your mother took your children to see your father? School have done the right thing, that might not be easy for you to hear but those children need to be kept safe.

You keep saying it wasn't considered abuse back then, as though that somehow lessens it. Just because the terminology wasn't in place then doesn't mean the abuse wasn't serious. Was your mum aware it was happening? That for me is key. If she didn't and only found out a while afterwards, I might be inclined to consider a relationship, although the fact she's stayed with your dad is awful given that she now knows what he did. If she did know, why on earth would you want a relationship with someone who stood by and did nothing and could easily do the same if your dad ever engineered it so he'd see your DC too.