To think there should be a point at which they trust my judgement?

Are you able to get private therapy? It sounds like you really need it. It doesn’t matter if your mum didn’t “know” it was abuse, the fact is, she didn’t protect you from whatever behaviour you were being subjected to by your dad and she failed you as a parent. I have a similar story. My mum also minimised my dad’s abuse and I too wish my parents weren’t together. But I don’t foster a close relationship with my mum and I have told her outright she failed me and enabled me to be abused. I have next to no relationship with my dad (I would go completely NC but occasionally he is saying something in the background of a cursory phonecall with my mum so I can’t fully avoid him).

i really would recommend therapy if you can afford to go private - you clearly don’t have a proper grasp on the severity of the situation and that isn’t your fault, but you did make the wrong judgement call here. I would say promoting a relationship between your kids and mum is also the wrong call. Grandparents who abused/enabled abuse of their own children aren’t ones your kids need in their life.

Hi OP, if your dad decided to turn up at the cinema with your Mum, would your mum turn him away?

I have professional dealings with SW and children in CP plans.

You judgement is not sound. You have just had their case clsoed (which is the holy grail for many families) and you have chosen to expose your children to your parents.

I think you need to have a very long, objective look at your actions. Of course the SW will be concerned. To their mind it looks like you played by the system until you thought they were not watching. It is going to be very hard to convince them otherwise.

If your parents are not safe (and if your mother enabled abuse and is still with your fathe then she is NOT SAFE) then you need to be as afar away from them as possible for the good of your children.

Listen to the social workers. Listen to what you have to do. Do that.

You have essentially put yourself right back to the beginning and they will not trust you or your judgement again without a crap load of new work on your part.

It could be relevant though. I believe CSA abusers are more likely to reoffend than people who hit their kids hitting their nonresident GC, so they would be less at risk. Not zero risk obviously hence the stipulation but only OP knows the nature of the abuse so calling someone a paedophile/pro paeophilia when you don’t even know what happened is a bit unnecessary.

This is too complex for mumsnet to solve OP. Too many want details and the juicy gossip and to wag their fingers while simultaneously shaking their judgemental heads.

There is some good advice in here but also some really ignorant comments based on having no understanding of the complexity of generational abusive relationships, of which your mother may also have been a victim rather than a perpetrator or enabler. There is a degree of victim blaming in this thread and that helps no one.

In all kindness OP I’d request a meeting with social work to clarify what their continued expectations are of you as a mother no longer under their guidance and supervision. Have it explained clearly and simply and ask questions rather than making assumptions. Leave nothing to chance.

I also think you need to find a way, perhaps with a therapists support, to have the conversations you need to have with your mum about what happened and what is going to happen in the future.

I don't understand why school reported to CS the fact that your DD was going to be alone with your mum if, as you claim, they were not under instructions to do so.

It wasn't considered abuse back then.

Also this is bullshit. You need more help than you realise if you can't understand why it's bullshit. A ruler to the knuckles or a slipper to the backside was considered discipline "back then" and would be abuse nowadays, but would certainly not warrant a prevention order being in place for YOUR children. I'm sorry that happened to you.

Your mum enables your abuse by your dad. Why on earth would you trust her not to enable him to abuse your children?

Your judgement on this is way off, sorry. You are allowing unsupervised contact with a woman who has a track record of enabling child abuse.

This with bells on. I think you've made a poor judgement here OP. What a shame for your children who were beginning to turn a corner in life. I'm sorry if that's harsh but it's true.

Thanks for the pedantry 🙄
the couple are still child abusers. HTH

Your mother does not need to be alone with your daughter to build a relationship with her. School and social services believe that your children should not be with your parents without supervision. Go with your mother to pick your child up from school and go with them to the cinema. Even though the social worker said it is OK for your Mum to be alone with your daughter, if you do this, you will invite more scrutiny and put your children through more scrutiny. You have already said that your son does not like this - you have the power to stop this now.

Also, how can you bare the thought your dad might, just might get access to your kids through your mum? Your mum probably lied to you saying she knew nothing, yet you trust her on this.
The thought of it makes my toes curl.

(I am a victim of CSA)
You allowed your abuser access to your kids, and still would like him to access them. You want his enabler, his pro child abuse/pro paedophile wife to continue to access your kids too. This is so far beyond the realms of being in any way ok, it’s genuinely horrifying. You need urgent help with your judgement.

Safeguard your kids from child abusers.

It sounds like you are in denial about your mums part in this. And rightly the authorities recognise that denial and are trying to safeguard your children.

Why did the school tell you they would be going on the CIN plan again? It's not upto them.

With respect, your judgement is off, and that is absolutely NOTHING against you, OP, because we are conditioned to believe that what we grew up with is/was 'normal' and conditioning is incredibly difficult to shake off.

However, the fact is that you were abused to such an extent in your childhood that it has seriously affected your mental health to the extent that Social Services has stepped in: that's pretty fucking serious.

PPs have mentioned that your mother is an enabler due to staying with a known child abuser: I won't comment further on this other than to say that the cycle of abuse is well-known, and people who may well have suffered from abuse themselves are not always the best advocates of others.

I think you need to very careful to adhere to SS's conditions to the literal letter, tenuous though it may seem. Your relationship with your children is more important than any relationship with their grandparents.