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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there should be a point at which they trust my judgement?

257 replies

UndertheCedartree · 19/07/2022 13:23

Genuinely, asking this question. I'm a bit confused and not sure if I've really messed up. I don't want to drip feed but equally don't want an essay so I'll try to give the important information and happy to clarify if necessary.

Starting 5 years ago my 2 DC (15 & 10) have been under Children's services Child in Need. This happened as I had a mental breakdown. The case was closed about 6 months ago. Due to abuse in my childhood from my dad one of the stipulations was that they couldn't be alone with my parents. My parents live in a different country and due to Covid we've not seen them much over the past 2 years. My mum is keen to get to know her grandchildren better. We arranged that today my mum would pick up my DD from school (in her car with air con) and take her to the cinema (more air con.) I thought as the case had been closed and my mental health is much better (in terms of me being able to make a judgement) that this would be ok. But I've just found out Children's Services are opening their case again due to this. What do you think? I love my mum and want her to see her grandchildren, but maybe we should have planned for me to go along?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 19/07/2022 13:28

If they’re not supposed to be alone with your parents then why would you have thought this was ok?

saveforthat · 19/07/2022 13:28

Well you said the stipulation was they could not be alone with your parents so yes YABU if you expect them to ignore the fact that you have breached that stipulation.

Sorefrog · 19/07/2022 13:28

’My parents live in a different country and due to Covid we've not seen them much over the past 2 years’

You want your children to have a relationship with a known child abuser?

Vallmo47 · 19/07/2022 13:28

I’ve had a mental health breakdown myself so I can sympathise with you in hard it is when you have children and others are looking out for them for their best interest. Having said that, I think you need to keep reminding yourself that this is what they are doing and it is their job to do so. When I suffered psychosis it took a few weeks before it was picked up on, so there was a small window where I wasn’t making the best decisions for my kids even though I’d never ever ever intentionally do wrong by them. While this is very unlikely to be the case for you now, they need to consider there is a very slight possibility you have made the wrong call.
In terms of your parents, I’d always have a chaperone because it’s the right thing to do.

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 19/07/2022 13:28

"Due to abuse in my childhood from my dad one of the stipulations was that they couldn't be alone with my parents"

Yet you let your DC be alone with your parent.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/07/2022 13:27

How did anyone find out?

DailyMailHater · 19/07/2022 13:25

I think if there was a stipulation that they wouldn’t be alone with your parents then maybe this wasn’t the best idea.