Nursery sick of my child

I’d find a new nursery, or a childminder. She’s absolutely tiny and they’re against her, they sound useless.

Child care professionals are still human..if she does this all day every day they must dread coming to work. Try a childminder, more one to one and less children around so may benefit her better.

I had a similar problem with the first creche I sent my son to. My son just did not like his teacher and they were phoning daily saying he was crying and unsettled. They said horrible things about him one day so I removed him and did some research on other creches in the area that fit better with his needs. He's honestly a different child since going to his new creche he runs in delighted every day and he's rarely upset and the staff are just so kind to him. Children are very intuitive.my son knew his teacher didn't like him and that's why he acted up.

I'm not sure what you want us to vote on. Of course it's not unreasonable to send your child to nursery and to expect them to do all they can to manage her behaviour. I also kind of sympathise with their frustration, although it's not exactly professional if they complain to you every day. (Are they complaining, or is it just her key worker telling giving you feedback on the day, which most parents expect?) It doesn't help but, when my child was at nursery there was one child who cried constantly. They were crying every time I dropped mine off and crying every pick up time. You could hear them crying from outside. The staff seemed unfailingly patient. This went on for the entire year. They spoke calmly to her and let her know what was going to happen next (as they did for the rest of the children), but didn't fuss, ignore or yell at her in response to her constant crying. If this is what your child's key workers are doing, I don't think there's much more they can do. It may be worth looking into alternative forms of childcare, like a childminder, or maybe sharing a nanny with one or two other parents, or looking for a nursery with different staff/child ratios, approach or environment.

Has she been assessed for ASD/ ADHD? I say this as someone who was often like this as a child. Turned out I was neurodivergent and getting sensory overload.

You need to focus on working out why she is crying . She must be extremely distressed in that environment and you can’t let it go on.

She is only 2, that’s tiny, she can’t explain to you what’s wrong so it up to you & the other adults involved to help her.

Also, I wouldn’t dismiss her having SEN so quickly, she’s very young and it’s often hard to pick up on until at school.

Ask for a meeting to discuss with the nursery manager what they feel might be causing her to be so upset, and if they feel a referral would be helpful.

They don’t sound particularly proactive though so might be best to move somewhere else.

You could try switching to a different nursery, or a childminder as maybe the busy nursery environment with little 1 to 1 attention is too much for her.

All children are different and have different needs. Just because your other children were fine at nursery at this age doesn’t mean it’s right for her.

Try a forest school type nursery, they are outside all the time, all year round (I work in one)

Or at least a nursery that has all day free flow access to the garden (again, our nursery has this for those who arent in forest school).

Though children who cry continuously all day are hard work. Its taken my new key child 12 weeks to finally settle and that's only with me, if I leave the room or stand up they scream and cry till I get back.

As a setting we stick with our key children until they are confident to move off and play and they can return to use for comfort whenever they want. If they want to sit on our laps all day, they do. I've worked in nurseries before where they stopped you picking up crying babies or children as they wanted them to be independent. How do they treat your child at their nursery?

There was a child like this at my ds nursery who was so disruptive and distressed the other kids. They left eventually as the child just couldn't settle down. Maybe a childminder or nanny would suit better. They cannot be giving your child attention all the time, even your sister made mention that she is difficult so it's not just nursery.

This. All of this.

Aren’t you concerned that she’s crying all day? You just seem concerned that the adults should learn to put up with it!

What about a more outdoorsy nursery? DDs nursery has free flow into the garden and they also do forest school sessions. If you don’t have anything like that in your area maybe a childminder would be better.

It sounds like they may be hinting for you to work on her behaviour at home.

I think you need to be much more firm about giving in to her and that’s she’s only allowed in the garden if she behaves well.

I would ask them if they have a particular routine and see if you can try and have a similar routine at home.

I’m not sure a childminder would help in this situation as I think she needs to the structure of nursery.

How old are her siblings?

Be honest. What is she like at home? What is she like when left with family members?
I would start looking for someone else. Most people would do whatever it takes to stop a child crying and they will have tried their best.

They're only human. A toddler crying all day does anyone's head in. I definitely think a childminder might be better.

What about the other children?

DC of two years don't have an awareness of other children's needs at that age. What is so wrong with a two year old wanting attention? Some two year olds are more needy than others. People here are making it sound like a character failing! She is two fhs!

But they are coping with her - they're keeping her there all day as they're supposed to, but it's also fair that they tell you she's struggling when you come and collect her.

What else do you think they should be doing?

Maybe it’s just not the right place for her. I’m not saying they’ve done anything wrong or you’ve done anything wrong - it’s just not clicked and day after day of crying your DD has got herself in a bit of a rut, even routine of doing so. A change of setting might change that. I think a childminder is a good shout.

Have you got a woodland ? Outdoor nursery nearby ? We do and they're amazing......it sounds like this nursery isn't the right fit for your dd. It's OK to try somewhere else.

I work in a nursery, we have had children like that but eventually we crack it. It sounds like somethings not fitting with the nursery and I would be looking to move your child as it doesn't seem like they are being particularly accommodating or trying to come up with solutions.

My dd was like that from 10 months to a year of age when she started her nursery, but then she was totally fine.

I think you should try a different nursery. It may be the same one your other children went to, but are they the same staff, the same management?

To be honest it sounds like they are coping? They’re not calling you to take her home early every day, they’re dealing with it but informing you of what her day is like. I agree with pp childminder might suit her better

How does she react when you drop her off at nursery op? Does she seem keen to go in? What about when you collect her? Is she happy or reluctant to leave?

Does she want to go outside because the noise and constant activity inside is too much for her inside or is she needed to get rid of excess energy?

One size does not fit all. A friend of mine had a little boy who could not be contained within four walls. No SEN - energy levels were sky high - he is now a professional rugby player, playing for a French team! He was just one of those children who was on the go from morning until night. This is often tolerated more in boys than in girls who are supposedly meant to be more "demure" and malleable. Could you find an alternative nursery where they focus on sports and outdoor activities?

My daughter was like this for a while around the same age. Nursery were really supportive and helped us do a sheet with what was to happen that day and add pictures e.g

Get up
Have breakfast
Go to nursery
Play with toys
Read a story with friends
Lunch
Paint
Have some time in the garden
Dinner
Mummy picks you up
Etc.

We drew pictures and talked about the routine at home and then nursery talked it through and with her during the day. It really helped with DD1.

Just spotted she is under two- they should have 1 adult to 3 children then! Let her have attention. What is it with this country and thinking that if a child shows they need some attention the 'right answer' is to refuse it? My DS was often the little shadow to his key person at this age, he just wandered around with her all day and she happily accepted that. By the time he was in a class of 30 he knew full well how to fit in and share the v finite attention and not disrupt everybody else. Long before then, in fact.

The nursery is the issue here, not your toddler.