Nursery sick of my child

THIS THREAD IS TWO YEARS OLD
I suspect the situation may have moved
on a smidge 🙄

Following around is one thing. Screaming and crying all day is a totally different matter

Hi I am also sailing in same boat like you
My daughter screams Alot in nursery atva her settling period it's been more than a month she cannot even settle down for 1 hr . Nursery staff only complains that she was upset screaming alot they agreed to me daily 1 hr bring her to get used to .today they told me we will do now half an hr everyday. I mean I ll work or pick and drop her for half e to nursery 😞 I am confused now ans don't know how to tackle with this situation

Honestly it's sounds from everything you said including your sisters reaction that your baby is high needs . Absolutely nothing wrong with that, some kids simply are but it's very clear that the current setting isn't working for anyone . Dealing with a crying child all day is wearing on anyone even a loving parent. It's not surprisingly that the nursery staff are a little tired of it now. It sounds like your child requires moser attention than a nursery can give her. I'd move her to a different setting that can offer her more. It's awful to think of he crying all day every day if nothing else.

@Kite22 well there clearly is one setting that isn't at the moment...

All settings do or should @RedWingBoots

@Ladymartin - are you able to respond to some of these posts, tonight perhaps ?

OP you are aware there are settings who deal with and identify children with additional needs? So when you are eventually forced to move your child - as it is clear you won't do it off your own back - look for one of these.

I suspect the issue here is that she is like this at home and OP just works around it. And she wants the nursery to do the same but they are pushing back instead of working around it because they have other children to consider. I can see both sides but it's been too long now so she needs a new setting.

So she's been screaming for months and you've just been dropping her off anyway?

My daughter was very similar, and was with a childminder from 9 months old, when I went back to work.

The childminder gave me notice after 3 months because my dd just simply wasn't settling with her, and spent most of the day in tears. Dd always needed a lot of attention too.

Please don't assume that your dd doesn't have additional needs. At her age it's simply not always possible to know.

My dd was diagnosed with ADHD at 15.l years old. If she was to be assessed for it, all the professionals involved have said that she would also get a diagnosis of Autism.

None of this was obvious at 2, in fact, not until about 14!

I don't know how more children aren't like this in a nursery setting. I never used a nursery as I thought it was an awful setting for under twos. DDs loved going to the childminders.

Childminder as many others have suggested. She needs to be in a different setting, this one obviously isn’t working for her.

🤣

I think you are being unfair on the staff, yes. They may be childcare professionals but they're not magicians. Your child is unhappy in the setting. You need to either move her or talk to the nursery about implementing a joint plan to settle her. What's not an option is insisting that your child, the staff and other children should just deal with it because you have to work.

I was talking about being harsh and unkind to the child...but as usual this site is full of posters empowering authoritarian parenting, an 'adults are above children' attitude and belittling and totally disregarding the rights and needs of our smallest members of society in the process....no wonder there's such a high waiting list for CAMHS and so many kids struggling with their mental health.
Until we learn to treat our children more humanely, that will never change.

This poor little one clearly has incredible separation anxiety and wherever she settles next she will likely need gradual and gentle settling in to resolve that.I echo the recommendations of a childminder.

And as regards the work thing, perhaps OP has a family member or friend who can collect her DD if she is upset and look after her til you finish work,or so she can do shorter sessions to begin with (maybe the sister could do that and actually offer support rather than saying stupid comments that don't help whatsoever!)

And maybe book some annual leave to cover her settling in gradually somewhere new?

DM would say that about DS... he has an autism diagnosis now, and all the years of speech delays, meltdowns and struggling in her house with TVs/ radios blaring, or with going out to lunch were not actually him being spoilt, it was him being overwhelmed and her wants/ needs clashing with what he could cope with.

Family opinions are not always helpful indicators. DM is still of the children should be seen and not heard type, and DS1 was never going to please her.

OP's DD sounds miserable and it doesn't sound like the setting is meeting her needs well. It would be worth investigating other viable options. It takes a huge amount of energy for a child to constantly cry, they're not doing it for fun and it's not like an 8yo constantly badgering for attention.

There's lots of reasons why very young children can be overwhelmed and prefer 1:1 attention and outdoor space and that needs exploring.

I still think your biggest clue is in what your own sister said. This is clearly an issue that stems from outside of nursery that even your sister says she must do peoples heads in, so she's clearly a very demanding child even outside a nursery setting. You seem to be completely missing that clue. This is a child that needs one on one attention, not a whole class where it's just not feasible to give one child all the attention. I think a childminder is probably your answer here.

I completely agree with this - she needs a new setting, whether another nursery or a childminder. It doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with this one, though having used both a nursery with set, limited outdoor times for the children and now one where it's totally free-flow I would never go back to the former. Sometimes somewhere just doesn't work for a particular child.

Look who's talking about being harsh????

Yeah OP doesn't need to work to keep a roof over her children's head! You sound ridiculous!

The situation she's in is hard but don't come for her parenting!

Believe me they would have tried very hard because they don't want her screaming all day. It's terrible for staff and horrible and unsettling for the other kids. I think you need to move her

I think yours is the most harsh and unkind response so far, tbh

Absolutely shocked and saddened at the harsh and unkind punitive responses here 😳 🙄 😒 😑

This is a BABY we are talking about....this poor tiny little girl is ONE!

OP sorry to be blunt but your attitude towards your little girl is really bad.The fact you are more concerned about the impact of her crying on the staff rather than her emotional wellbeing, have left her there crying all day every day for months without seemingly having any thought about how upset she is feeling, and think she is doing it for attention, is all incredibly concerning. I think you need to look at taking a course to help you with your parenting and to understand child development (and perhaps take your unhelpful sister along too!) And maybe some support to build your bond with your daughter. I sense that your little girl could likely have an insecure attachment with you...you seem to be viewing her very negatively and expecting way too much from her for her age.Does she actually get much positive attention or 1-1 time with you to play?? Do you cuddle and soothe her when she is upset or just discipline her??

The nursery sounds awful...no child should be left to cry for hours...even once, they should have called you to collect her and if it continued ask you to take her out and try somewhere else for her own welfare.It is NOT normal for children to cry non stop...afew tears at drop off then quickly settle is different (i used to work in a nursery) The fact someone else who works in a nursery thinks it is is worrying.

Nurseries should offer free flow indoor/outdoor play (other than in extreme temperatures) they should never be viewing any child as 'a problem' and should also know that no one year old 'plays up for attention' She is crying because her emotional needs are not being met and she is UNHAPPY!

I would hate to be her right now tbh, and it makes me feel really sad thinking about what she is coping with. Please please take her out the nursery immediately, work on your relationship with her and how you view her.She is your baby, and you are her mummy who she craves love and kindness from, so please give her that.

I know you have work, but surely your child's wellbeing should come before anything? :-/

New nursery wont change anything. Childminder wont change anything.
I had/have (hes a lot better now) a very clingy, whingy little boy. Wants to be held all day and wan'ts to stay outside and go on walks ALL DAY.

I've been in OP's shoes. We've moved nurseries, moved to child minders. Nothing help! Why? Because the things is as Op has said her DC loves attention and unfortunately you're not gonna find that anywhere. Only OP can give DC all the attention she needs.

All I can say is good luck OP and if she's like mine, she'll grow out of it soon.

Look at it this way,
Either they are crap at their jobs and not doing enough to help her settle. So you should move her to somewhere better.
Or...
They are good at their jobs and have exhausted all ideas to help her settle. So she's obviously just unhappy there and you should move her somewhere else to see if she's happier.

Have you spoken with the nursery about what you can also do to help her to settle? I think it probably needs to be a joint effort not just the nursery. It can’t be nice for them to see her distressed all day every day and they may feel exasperated at the fact they have tried different tactics and nothing is working.