She was assessed by her form tutor (who is clearly poorly informed about ADHD) and the senco (whom I don’t think she’s even met, unless she has been pulled out of lessons and I haven’t been informed)
she blasts though tasks to get the end and give ‘the answer’ as fast as possible, often there is some reward for finishing early, like chat or a more desirable task, so she is totally focussed on getting to it as fast as possible. But she’s bright enough for that to be good enough for now.
She can focus intensively for prolonged periods on something she likes, but wild horses won’t make her if she isn’t feeling the enthusiasm. She likes crafts, but only ones she invents. Never anything suggested ‘on the box’. It makes it very hard and frustrating for her. She’s always making up recipes and then is bitterly disappointed when they turn out terribly, because she won’t try with recipes enough to get a feel for them first. It’s heartbreaking for her, but she won’t hear of me helping her.
She LIKES school. She likes the social stuff and the bustle, and the structure is reassuring. The sociability of doing tasks in a group setting, where there is clear leadership, expectations and consequences is enough to get her through the bits she doesn’t like. The comradery of whinging about school with people who genuinely find it hard it (which she doesn’t) is bonding. In my opinion this is managing her difficulties really well school.
There is literally no way for me to reproduce this at home. It will always be just me telling just her what to do. I can’t make us into a group. She can’t have input into basic health and hygiene. She pushes every boundary, no matter how firmly it’s held, she resists every request, no matter how you phrase it. She won’t even try anything I suggest might be fun. (I have to insist. And then of course it’s never fun) unless I can drag another child along too. She’s impossible to keep on task to even to an age appropriate standard, can’t focus enough to listen to a multi-step task, if there’s something she wants, she’s utterly fixated on it until she gets it, and cannot be distracted. Especially sugar. She simply won’t take no for answer (and no very often is the answer. She just argues for hours about it) She wants to move all the time (if she isn’t on a screen. She never, ever gets bored with screens) and cannot connect at all without it. Forget snuggles and telly. She talks, fidgets (not repeated non-productive movements, like foot tapping, but just constantly shifts positions) pauses it to ‘just’ do something else, rewinds bits she feels I wasn’t paying appropriate attention to. It’s unbearable. She needs to move her body all the time. It’s taken me twelve years to drum into her it’s unacceptable to move MY body on her whims (which she now gets, at least most of the time).
sleep was impossible. She was terrified of being alone and could not be still enough to wind down. She needed constant physical contact, and yet continued to flop about like a landed fish while being held, right from birth. I didn’t care that she needed my presence to sleep. I cared that it was like trying to juggle eels and took three hours. She was shattered, and yet I was doing all the ‘right’ things. Until she had melatonin at about 7 and it was a revelation. She has always hated waking up. I more or less dragged her out of bed for school for years. The melatonin helped so much with that too. She still doesn’t sleep through, but that’s ok.
Everything is a battle. Every. Single. Time. True, I’m winning, but the effort involved is immense. I know all children have their moments, but with her, it’s ALL moments. There’s no flow, no ease. Her pace never matches what’s normal. It’s all an unrelenting uphill struggle. I was so hoping for some support or actual help. (It’s not like being a lone parent isn’t a tough gig already!). My life is entirely me having to force her to do something she doesn’t want to do, or her trying to force me to do something I don’t want to do. It’s sad really.