Having another child when your first has ASD?

My eldest has asd, my youngest doesn't, same dad. I was heavily pregnant with dd2 when we started the diagnosis pathway at 2. I would have had a bigger gap if I had known but it was otherwise fine in retrospect. Dd2 (they are now adults) has helped a lot from around 15, even offering to move with dd1 to university to live with her as at that age she couldn't live independently (actually she waited, went to university locally then did another course living away in her 20's when she had gained more independence skills)

both my kids have ASD, the oldest is more severe, the younger one is much easier. They are very different characters and don’t have the same issues and behaviours.

to be honest, I don’t know many families that have one autistic child and the rest are neurotypical. From my experience siblings are usually neurodiverse too but more often than not, are also very different from each other ie more or less severe and having different interests and behaviours.

It’s impossible to predict how severely another child would be affected - and of course they might be completely neurotypical. But if you’re worried about it, I’d honestly say don’t do it. My eldest is a wonderful child but he is bloody hard work and I’m terrified about what his future may hold.

I was pregnant with my third when we realise our middle child was slightly different (they’re close in age) Middle child has autism and adhd. Youngest has the same diagnosis but much more severe. Non verbal, also has a learning difficulty. After the youngest we decide against having a 4th.

This thread may not go well but for what it's worth I would never have chosen to have another child had I known. DS wasn't diagnosed until after DD was born, and me a few years after that.

It's all good and well saying how he copes now but he has a lifetime to get through so don't base any choice based on how your DS gets through the day. He is still autistic, to get the diagnosis he must have met criteria involving deficits - these deficits will always be present, irrespective of traits.

I wouldn't choose a life of disability for over my desire to have a child.

My 10yo is being referred. She is also very bright so more aspergers. But doesnt get dressed brush teeth or sort homework. In fact resists all these things. She has sensory issues though.
So yes shes many times harder than an average child. Only has one friend etc.
So no i wouldnt have another. In fact i have a dc2 age 7. Dc2 didnt sleep for 10h till 3.5yo. Is very emotional, they argue a lot.

Lots of people go on and have more children. Having a diagnoses helps you and the child recognise they are different and they need XYZ in place to help them get through whatever it is they are finding frustrating/hard etc It doesn’t define who they are as a person.

To them this is there normal - my normal is my anxiety and its always there just like my green eyes. But because I know it’s anxiety I have things in place to help me, medication and coping strategies.