Having another child when your first has ASD?

I have a DS 21 autistic traits in most of his Dads family none in mine. I now have 2 more children with a new partner who arent autistic. It's not a given but do you think it could be in your familys Gene's or your ex partner. Its something to consider. My son is HF and although very different to his siblings he does okay. He works PT he drives. He has jo social life in a typical teenager way but he has his own interests and hobbies he pursues.

Transition to high school, the social dynamics get a lot more complex and unmonitored as you go up the school years, school can be relatively structured compared to jobs and universities or apprenticeships.

I'm sure it'll all be fine, we all find our path in the end.

I always find it a bit sad that people who have a dx of autism feel the need to reject that they have anything in common with people with autism who are 'really autistic'.

You can feel a common identity and embrace it without claiming your level of disability is the same after al, many many disabilities have a range of impairment.

You have many good reasons for optimism, I'd have another baby in your shoes fwiw.

I'd just want to sound a note of caution - at age 7, it is possibly too early to say how things will be. I know several 'high functioning, Asperger's' types who have had years of severe mh issues as teens and young adults. But I hope this isn't the case for your ds and I'm sure that you'll be able to navigate what happens with a second dc.

The high functioning label is not accepted except in the population for a reason. DLA already differentiates in the level of care required.

I * think this is where the 'functioning' labels being taken away is controversial. Autism is such a spectrum. There are some who will never live independently and will need to be cared for by parents or the state for their whole lives. Then there are others who are mildly affected, who can get married, live independently, have jobs.*

Well you have to be a little more than 'mildly' affected to get a diagnosis. Aside from that, the other problem here is assuming autistic people who get married, have jobs and live independently are doing this without struggle.

I agree with your partner that labels aren’t always that helpful in mild cases. Thanks Your DS sounds lovely.

I have DC1 who is on the ASD pathway. Not diagnosed yet but not severely affected, more mild/moderate we think. I was pregnant with DC2 before we realised DC1 was going to need extra support. They are both still very young (4.5 and 2) but at the moment DC2 is having a positive effect on DC1's social communication and they have a lovely bond now (though it was hard at the beginning). I'm aware this may all change, but I know pairs of adult NT siblings who don't get on at all, so I wouldn't automatically blame ASD is the fell out.

Selfishly, having DC2 has helped us as parents not to fixate on DC1's challenges all the time as well.

Your son's ASD has come from somewhere, if you suspect it's your ex's side then having a child with your new partner is far less likely to result in a child with ASD then if you had another child with your ex. There's no guarantees with anything though, your next child might not have ASD but (like any child) could potentially have a disability. Do you really want another child is the question really? There are no guarantees ASD or otherwise.

It's a tough decision and depends on so many factors. My elder brother has autism and was ten when I was born. He was and still is aggressive, totally dependent for all his care needs and very controlling. I can't imagine how my parents would have coped if I had also had autism. As it was our whole family was centred around him 24/7.

My parents refused to consider care for my brother and when my mum died (with advanced dementia) at 93 this year my brother was still living with her and still very much ruling the roost. He has finally moved to a wonderful Mencap home, aged 67. Mum's expectation was that I would look after him at my home for the rest of my life but after decades of caring for both of them I am pretty much broken.

I think whenever anyone is thinking of having a child or another child they should think about the scenario of having a child requiring greater support and how they will manage that.
We have a child with 'severe ASD'. The amount of support our child requires did contribute to our decision ( although not the only reason) to not have another child.
The chances of you having a child with very high support needs due to ASD is still small and there are lots of other conditions/reasons that a child may require a lot of support. It is risk that only you can decide/ not decide to take.

It's the Dads age that is important too

That sounds a real shame for your Dd.

I'm sure you will say she wanted to do it, but I personally think it's so sad she's had to consider your Dd so much that her life has been to serve her.

Yes. My eldest is NT but my youngest from my second husband has ASD/ADHD. He definitely gets it from his Dad. It is genetic. We have been asked to take part in a genetic study but we are divorced and ex-h has disappeared therefore it won't be possible for us.

This

I'm autistic, my oldest is and so is my middle child. Youngest is NT as far as I know.
Middle child also needed an organ transplant as a baby so is medically vulnerable and my youngest has a bowel issue so isn't continent at 6.

Having ANY baby is a risk of some sort of illness/disease/condition. If you can't face the risk of this then it's best not to have any more.

I have one with autism, he was diagnosed very young. In the beginning I was told he would never be out of nappies, in mainstream school, live independent etc. turns out none of that is true, he’s now classed as high functioning (he hates that phrase), I didn’t have another then because I found work/life very difficult, all the appointments, childcare, sleepless nights and food refusal, and now he’s older I wouldn’t have another as I wouldn’t want to burden him with caring responsibilities if his sibling also had autism with more needs than him. When he was younger I feared who would look after him when I died.
its not as simple as love them for who they are, although I do, obviously.

Families I know: 3 boys. Mum late 30s/early 40s.

First two have ASD (meltdowns, angry, emotional, no eye contact, sensory issues). Third child is totally different and very social.

I know 3 families with an ASD diagnosed boy and undiagnosed girl (with lesser difficulties).

Another family with 4 children.
Eldest is tube fed, non verbal. The others all have mild learning difficulties.

Basically you cannot predict this OP. Best of luck to you whatever you choose.

Please do not dismiss the huge difficulties and stress that many parents of severely autistic children endure. I taught such non verbal, highly anxious, self harming and often violent children for several decades. I met so many wonderful parents, whose lives were incredibly affected. Threats of being thrown out of their HA homes because their children would scream all night and disturb their neighbours, having no social life, never having any time as a couple because no one would look after their child/ren, having to give up work for the same reason (and with the consequent financial problems), never able to relax in their own homes...I could go on for ever.
But most of all they loved their children, and every day, feared for their future and what would happen to them as adults, especially when they, the parents, died.

I can't count the times that parents sobbed and sobbed on my shoulder. So don't dare say that we need more children with SEVERE autism. Seriously if those parents heard you say what you just posted, I'd have to hold them back.

I'm glad your own children are everything you say they are. You're lucky. Don't disrespect those parents who aren't.