Having another child when your first has ASD?

@DrRuthGalloway

I based part of my knowledge on the fact of being an autism specialist psychological professional in charge of autism strategy for a large education provider in a major city, from having been part of an autism diagnostic team for the last 19 years, and from having worked with literally hundreds of families with autistic children over the last 25 years and spoken at multiple professional and family conferences over the years about autism and neurodiversity.

Oh did you? It doesn't show.

. She does have a support worker 2 hours a week who helps with shopping and cleaning, again paid from for her inheritance.

Also I missed this bit which just backs up what I was saying. If an adult needs a support worker, then something is amiss. Don't pretend autistic people cope just fine when your own niece/cousin (whichever it is this time) actually does have support workers. That's not the definition of someone who is managing their life without issue.

Same
The thought never crossed my mind
My middle autistic child also has medical issues and I wasn't put off having another child. For me it was 'what will be will be'.
My older brother is severely disabled with autism and other issues so I'm totally used to having special needs in the family. His care will probably fall to me and my younger brother when my parents are gone and that's fine.

I should go back and look at the criteria?

If only I had a wider understanding of autism.

The trouble is, I based part of my knowledge on the fact of being an autism specialist psychological professional in charge of autism strategy for a large education provider in a major city, from having been part of an autism diagnostic team for the last 19 years, and from having worked with literally hundreds of families with autistic children over the last 25 years and spoken at multiple professional and family conferences over the years about autism and neurodiversity.

That, and having an autistic son, father, sister, and neice.

I kind of thought that was enough tbh....

@DrRuthGalloway

Well that's not 'sole care* is it

I'm autistic and would feel pretty hurt if my mum decided not to have another child because of me. She had my brother though and he's neurotypical. I have a 6 year old who's autistic, although higher functioning than I was and it would never put me off having another

My eldest has autism and adhd. He is more Asperger’s but does struggle a lot and is far harder work than a neurotypical child of the same age. He has a lot to sensory processing difficulties. My other 2 children are neurotypical. They all have the same dad and ds1 I had when i was 31 the other 2 when I was 36 and 38. Dh was 46 when our youngest as born. I have no idea why only ds1 has asd and adhd and the other 2 kids are neurotypical. We won’t have a 4th as we can’t cope with having another high need child and it’s unfair on the kid we have already.

Oh come off it.

My neice's parents died when she was a teen.
She came to me but is now living in a home bought from her inheritance.

She calls me whenever there is a problem. Just yesterday I helped her with her house insurance as she didn't know rebuild costs or whether to request accidental damages. When her washing machine broke down I arranged a laundry service for her and helped her to contact a repair person. She is like a grown up daughter.

She does not call anyone else but me, I am her sole carer. She does have a support worker 2 hours a week who helps with shopping and cleaning, again paid from for her inheritance.

I am the only person she has to turn to. Her family.

I am not chatting shit. I have been on this site well over 10 years and have a long posting history. It's entirely up to you if you believe me or not.

Also to clarify I said suffering. I could have said struggle. Or not cope. Or find difficult. The facts are the same. Autistic people find things challenging, hard, tricky. Not ok. Those suggesting otherwise should probably go back and look at the diagnostic criteria instead of focusing and basing their 'knowledge' of others solely on that persons traits.

No - that bit about lives of suffering was someone else.

You were the one who said that autistic children would be a burden on siblings (and therefore by extension, better not born at all).

The higher risk of autism comes from advanced paternal age. So I'd go more on your partners age than anything else. Your son likely inherited his aspergers from either your side or most likely his father's.

And that's ok. It's also ok to choose not to have another in case they are autistic. When you speak of worse things you fail to realise one of those things is autism. Autism isn't the same for all. It's absolutely fine to consider these things.

@DrRuthGalloway

You 'didn't write that right'

Come on. You are chatting shit and backtracking to suit.

Don't expect anyone to take you seriously.

I have aspergers and none of my children have it. There's a lot of things your child could be born with that are worse than autism. Reads more like you don't want another child.

Don't dare to presume how my niece feels about her life. Actually she is very happy. She has had hard times in her life as have we all. And I don't have sole care - I didn't write that quite right - I meant I am next of kin and I suppose sort of surrogate mum. I am her sole carer - she has no one else - but I don't have sole full time care of her.

@oldageprancer my heart goes out to you. I am in my late fifties and I was told from as long as I could remember by my parents that my job was to look after my brother. At the expense of my own children, grandchildren, marriage.. she thought that my brother should be my priority. Although I fought against this I still complied to a large degree. Only ever worked part time, so that I could support her in looking after him. Never moved away, rarely had holidays. Had my phone with me all the time and took often over 20 phone calls a day for him. I had no idea how controlled I had been by the situation until mum died.

I found an old will that my father had written when I was 12 years old. It listed their home, assets etc and said 'nokitchen to look after DB for the rest of his life'.... what a request to make of a child.

Yes - but the point is, it is a position of eugenics to decide that autistic lives are not worth living and that if you have an autistic child they will inevitably be a burden on you, live a life of suffering, and destroy their siblings lives and that therefore no one with an autistic child should dare have another child.

I also have opinions thoughts and feeling about MY autistic sibling, and they don't match yours in any way, thank God.

Your embittered view may very well be justified, I don't know as luckily I don't know you. However it also is NOT the universal experience of those with disabled siblings.

Ffs an autistic life isn't a whole life of suffering.

And my father and sister are autistic and I have sole care of an autistic cousin whose parents died when she was a teen.

I'm assuming from you language that she is no longer a teen. So an adult woman that you have sole care of - isn't suffering? An adult woman who is living life with a carer isn't living life as she should be able to. Don't pretend that isn't suffering.

I agree with your partner then, he doesn't need the label. It sounds like it is very mild. My son could be diagnosed based on what you have said. I am not sure a diagnosis and labelled as disabled when someone is presenting like a typical 7 yr old is that helpful.

And I think I would also be very wary of a diagnosis based on that evidence.

I am not wishing to offend or anything either. My 35 Yr old sister can't wipe her own bottom but is equally quite high functioning in other aspects of her life.