Finger in bum

I went through this and was being naive. I met this man in a dating app and he wanted to shag on the first meet. Didn't know about fingering in the bum on the first meet and it was horrendous!

Reported your vile post, TJAYC.

The assumption is he is was a stranger (he wasnt)

the next assumption is I put myself in a dangerous situation knowingly (i didnt)

And yet, in your Op, you state :

I met a man yesterday for drinks and decided to go back to mines......

......which clearly gives the impression, that you met him for the first time yesterday, and before the day was over, he was naked in your bed.

It IS dangerous. Very, very, very dangerous. It's your life of course, and you can do what you want, but be aware that next time, it could be so much worse than what happened this time.

No, it's not great, however, please think about your safety. You invited a man that you don't know from Adam, into your home and in to your bed - anything could have happened - he could have killed you.

And btw, you're a woman - not a cis woman. Trans women do not get to give real women an extra label. We are women. Full stop.

I read back through the first few pages, and the crowd who believe they are more open minded are judgemental, and use value judgements to ascribe a value to a belief.

Wow. @pixie5121 is the only one on this thread making a nuanced point.

Everyone agrees consent is essential to any sex act at any time. Whether verbal or non verbal. So let's leave that to one side.

The issue is, the OP and a load of other posters have decides some sex things are "normal" and some sex things are "extreme" without really examining their prejudices. They think someone even trying to do the things in the "extreme" category is bad in some way.

For some reason it seems worse to them if it's a ONS because you don't know how the person will react or what they like so attempting "extreme" things is more fraught. And somehow, weirdly, more immoral.

So -
AIBU to expect consent to be clear for every sex act - no yanbu
AIBU to assume my reading of normal is universal- yes YABU
AIBU to think a sexual partner should predict that someone in a ONS is more likely to consent only to a narrower version of sex acts which are read as mainstream? And therefore should not try other stuff? Hmmm, possibly yanbu!

However, you can't define the boundary of normal, none of us can tell if our own boundaries are wide or narrow so it's subjective. Knowing that, it's probably best to not be so judgy or assume that anyone with a wider range of "normal" than you is Despoiled by Porn.

you’re putting yourself in a dangerous situation so what exactly do you expect?

maybe not to have someone digitally penetrate her anus without her consent? Radical, I know.

All thats needed are the words "Do you want to?"

You think sexual assault is "spontaneity?" OMG.

I think carrying a preferences questionnaire is in order, stuff spontaneity and all that 🙄

Vile and misogynistic! Give your head a wobble ffs! I am not saying she deserves for something to be done that she didn’t want.. what I am saying is that if you put yourself out there to have sex on a first date as a one night stand, you’re making yourself vulnerable to someone who doesn’t know you and doesn’t know what your preferences are and in my opinion as I wouldn’t do it… (not that anyone but me cares of course as per you), you run the risk of something like this happening! If you get to know someone first you may have discussed sexual preferences beforehand etc.

Someone suggesting she reported him to the police is IMO bloody ludicrous as he stopped when she didn’t want it and said he thought others enjoyed it. It could be part of normal sex for him.. he didn’t pin her down against her will and force her to do anything.

He’s rude I don’t mind a finger up my jacksie but you must ask and not assume

I don’t think anyone here other than you cares about whether or not you would have a one night stand. What I find vile and misogynistic about your post is the victim blaming, slut shaming and the insinuation that she doesn’t have much respect for herself, all because she chose to engage in a sexual encounter.

Wow this thread is eye opening and not in a good way.

FWIW I’ve never ever had a person put their finger in my arse, and if they tried I’d probably kick them.

@pixie5121 are you being goady or do you genuinely not know that the anus doesn’t actually behave in the same way as a vagina - e.g. doesn’t produce its own lubricant and get ready to entertain a penis - therefore it can really really hurt to have something unexpected up there? I hope you’re not a parent teaching your kids the stuff you clearly think is acceptable without consent.

What happened to everyone being allowed opinions?

rather says it all really.

Oh bore off!

There’s a difference between “I wouldn’t have one” and “have more respect for yourself”

Its judgemental, misogynistic and, in this particular case, massively victim blaming with your comments.

If he had stuck a finger up my arse unexpectedly he’d have been met by a few bum grapes and possibly an explosive shit to finish

How exactly? Hardly prejudiced against women that I wouldn’t have a one night stand is it! I don’t think men should either

I’m not saying it’s ok but you’re putting yourself in a dangerous situation so what exactly do you expect? I can’t imagine letting a stranger touch me let alone penetrate me! Maybe have more respect for yourself?

Wow. What a disgusting, vile, misogynistic opinion to hold.

God some of the replies on here are horrifying if I have consented to normal sex even if that is a first date I still get to decide my boundaries!

Well yes, that’s the thing about opinions, it’s not only you who is allowed them

😆 in your opinion…

No… not at all. Most men aren’t dangerous predators and the whole men bashing thing pisses me off but I just feel she put herself in a vulnerable position where anything could have happened. Yes I assumed it was a one night stand with a stranger as she said she met him and was sexually attracted so eluded to the fact she hadn’t met him before… I may be wrong!

she then said this ‘the majority of men are socialised to see us as second class citizens anyway and only the most developed and aware men are aware of their own thoughts on this - sex or not’

so she assumes because most men class women as second class citizens, he felt it ok to put his finger up her bum! Man bashing again ffs… most men I know, respect women entirely but IMO if you put yourself out there for ONS, it will attract a certain type of man!

You are indeed entitled to your nasty and misogynistic opinion.