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Original poster

Mother of the bride/groom-Zillas

108 replies

imperialminty · 15/06/2022 14:14

I'm planning a wedding, and I'm on a lot of bride groups on facebook and read a lot of wedding-related things online, and I've noticed a massive trend that in people having mothers (their own or their partner's) turn into complete narcissists during wedding planning. We've had a few issues with our own being demanding, but I mostly wanted to know if anyone here has BEEN a Mother of the Bride/Groom who has been demanding about your child's wedding?

E.g - my Mum completely put her foot down when we discussed getting married just the two of us. She said it would break her heart etc., and she'd never get over it and would write me out of her will!!! We've had a couple of similar amateur dramatics from both Mum's over very minor things, so it's not just big stuff. That's a common theme in the groups. I'm fascinated by this complete 180 some people (and it is almost always Mum's) seem to do when their children get engaged. In my opinion, if you're not contributing a significant amount of money to the wedding, you don't get an opinion. If you're asked - sure! But even then the couple don't have to take your advice.

So - why? Have you ever behaved like this about a wedding? What was the thought process? (Or what do you think if it happened to you!)

OP posts:
Original poster
imperialminty · 15/06/2022 14:49

@PutOnABraveFace I just don’t get it!!!! Do they genuinely think it’s their place/right to have so much control?! It’s so weird! I just want to hear from someone who behaved like this why they did it!

I hope your wedding is wonderful, with or without nightmare Mum!

OP posts:
PutOnABraveFace · 15/06/2022 14:43

C'mon MOG-zillas / MOB-zillas own up!

What on earth comes over you?

I have an almost identical situation to OP and some other stories to tell.

But what actually happens?

It's like a flip switched in MOG-zilla overnight. Wouldn't mind but she's already planned her eldest daughter's wedding and will have youngest daughter's wedding to plan in the future, so why has my future MIL turned into an absolute fruitloop over our wedding?

We actually started planning 4 years ago, she became that unbearable I refused to do anything in the end. Made up some excuses, bought a house, had a baby and only now do I feel prepared to try again. But she's already at it! Driving me mad! Wishing I'd just eloped and not tried to keep the peace. She said she'd disown us if we eloped, if anything that's a incentive right now 🤣

I am so conscious of being like this when my son grows up, I'd be absolutely mortified if I behaved anything like this. How does it even happen?!

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 15/06/2022 14:35

Crankley · 15/06/2022 14:25

I watched a tv programme called say Yes to the Dress about brides shopping for their wedding dress in the US. They seem to take lots of people to the shop with them, mothers, MiLs, bridesmaids, even a couple brought their DPs. When asked the budget the mother said $2,000 not a cent more after all, I have to buy MY dress and shoes and jewellery - cue eye rolling from staff. Girl finds the dress of her dreams. it's $200 over and the mother said No. I told you, I need to by MY dress too and they left the shop. Definitely a MiLzilla.

I saw one recently where a couple had twenty-two bridesmaids!

I'm not sure it's unreasonable to set a budget and for that budget to include your outfit for your daughter's wedding 🤷‍♀️. Maybe if the mother's budget was more than her daughter's you'd think she might be flexible but $2000 for a dress is hardly being tight! It's the real world and there isn't a limitless pot of money to treat your children with, and where does it end? Why couldn't the daughter have contributed $200 to her own dress if she wanted one that was more expensive than the budget?

Original poster
imperialminty · 15/06/2022 14:33

@Crankley I'm on some US bride forums and honestly the wedding culture there is out of control. They all have about 10 different parties in the lead up to the wedding - bridal brunches, bachelorettes, bridal shower, couple shower, rehearsal dinner.... just more room for mad behaviour!

OP posts:
Original poster
imperialminty · 15/06/2022 14:31

@LakieLady this is exactly what I'm talking about - so bizarre! I'm so glad you got married your way. Did you MIL ever regret being excluded from your day over something unimportant?

OP posts:
Crankley · 15/06/2022 14:25

I watched a tv programme called say Yes to the Dress about brides shopping for their wedding dress in the US. They seem to take lots of people to the shop with them, mothers, MiLs, bridesmaids, even a couple brought their DPs. When asked the budget the mother said $2,000 not a cent more after all, I have to buy MY dress and shoes and jewellery - cue eye rolling from staff. Girl finds the dress of her dreams. it's $200 over and the mother said No. I told you, I need to by MY dress too and they left the shop. Definitely a MiLzilla.

I saw one recently where a couple had twenty-two bridesmaids!

cstaff · 15/06/2022 14:24

@LakieLady
Nice move - but I would love to know how that went down.

The crazy thing is that presuming you wanted to have a normal wedding, if it hadn't been for her bloody interference you would have went ahead with your own regular plans at home.

LakieLady · 15/06/2022 14:21

When my ex and I got engaged, MIL-to-be wanted me to get christened into the catholic faith and confirmed so that we could be married in her church.

We are both atheists, and I told her in no uncertain terms that I was having none of it. She went on and bloody on, every time we saw her, and would bend his ear about it over the phone at least weekly.

In the end, we decided we couldn't hack her meddling, fucked off and got married in secret in a register office with just 2 witnesses.

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