Mother of the bride/groom-Zillas

Did anybody see the docu series Paris (Hilton) in love. Omg the behaviour of her mother Kathy Hilton, was absolutely horrific. I spent most of the time trying to pick my jaw up off the flaw. Unreal

ZOMBIE

THREAD

🧟‍♀️

We had the service we wanted then left and let the mums go on with the celebrations without us. Thought the threats of doing that were empty ,they weren't.my mum should have known never had 18,21 or a hen .I just don't do parties for me .

Many years ago, I observed a MOGzilla from the sidelines; it didn't end well.
A good friend from church was engaged, and calling in favours from friends, and I was asked to use my calligraphic skills on the reception placecards - happy to comply. (I also participated in the music-making)
She and her fiance had already set up home together, and she was setting up her own business, so they agreed between themselves on a small, modest occasion.
Her DM was horrified; there were distant relations who were clergy, and nothing but a big ceremony would do. They would have gone for a buffet in the church hall; a much grander venue was booked, but being widowed, she couldn't possibly foot the bill.....
one bright idea was that my friend should wear DM's wedding dress, but luckily, alterations proved not to be feasible.
DM had a heart condition, and whenever objections were raised, she would coincidentally become unwell, involving my friend in emergency dashes back to her childhood home, as both her siblings were living much too far away to step into the breach at short notice. The one contribution she did manage was a gargantuan wedding cake.
I became accustomed to adding more names to my place-setting list, and tried to offer moral support. It was a source of some frustration to see hard-earned funds for their prospective business going into fripperies neither of them wanted.
Eventually, the heart trouble proved to be genuine, just before the Wedding of the Year was due to happen.
At the funeral, I offered my condolences, assuming that the wedding was off, but my friend said, grimly, "We've come this far, we'll see it through!"
So she and her lovely fiance went through with this huge expensive ceremony which neither of them had wanted, and at the extravagant reception, a toast was raised to the dear departed, represented by the looming presence of a vast wedding cake.
As was customary in those days, they was a display of the major wedding gifts in the lobby, for all the guests to admire.
The bride and groom left the reception to go off on their honeymoon, and when the lobby was cleared, all the wedding gifts were stolen.
Amazingly, they are still happily married many years later; I think they figured, it could only get better.

Wow! Monster in law indeed!

Brilliant. Well done to you both!

Threads like these just make me so very grateful for the mother and MIL I had/have. Both were very different and had different expectations of the wedding but we couldn’t have done it without either of them, they helped so much. My MIL in particular really stepped up from helping me get my dress basically remade to accommodate my pregnancy to physically hand making decorations with me and my mum made a tonne of lasagne’s to accommodate multiple special diets for the night before and took over all comms with the caterers (our wedding food was sublime). Yes they both annoyed me at times as they had different points of view, but the results of those disagreements made our wedding all the better and I really felt like our wedding was the best of both our families coming together to support us.

Conversely, my wedding was completely paid for - split between my parents and my in-laws. We didn’t expect it at all, we were quite prepared to pay for our own wedding, but both sides offered to pay, so they agreed to go halves.

Nobody demanded a say in anything. My wife and I chose the venue, the dresses, the guest list, the food, the music. Their attitude was they were giving us a gift, not paying in order to have their own day.

many of PILs friends pay for their kids wedding but as a result have full say over the guest list etc. I find it very bizarre. Neither of our parents would ever behave that way, but if they had we just would have paid ourselves.

I find it quite weird when I hear parents are paying for weddings still. Just very odd to me. Especially if the people getting married are like 30, the idea of accepting sums of money or having to run things past parents is just a bit embarrassing as that age. Surely if you're old enough to get married you're old enough to pay for your own party.

How strange. We paid for my own wedding, parents were guests, they didn’t get to have a say in anything as it was our wedding not theirs.

BTW, we never expected our parents to pay..

Not me but DH’s late mother tried to manipulate us and stood firm and did what we wanted. When DStepson got married DH went along with their plans.

Are your parents paying for/ towards the wedding? We found that paying ourselves was the only thing that got through to MIL.

I don't get the state people get in about weddings, maybe it helped that my own wedding was low key, carefully managed to suit us and keep parents at bay but one of my daughters is currently getting married and I'm more than happy to be hands off.

However, the 'other mother', the MIL is being an absolute controlling cow, I find it hard to speak to her and keep things calm. The wedding is at the groom's holiday home so we are definitely on the outside but MIL can't see that and is busily interfering in the organisation, the catering, the guest list etc., etc.

The 'darling boy' getting married is her youngest and she is insisting that she give a speech 'supporting him' because both DH and myself are going to say something brief. She's also insisted that she must still make a cake (the one thing we have been allowed to provide along with a large dollop of cash which we were asked for) because darling boy only likes chocolate cake and she can make his favourite recipe and anyway, she made the cake for the weddings of his three brothers so she can't not do it this time (she thinks).

We were allowed only two guests! We've managed to squeeze it up to 4 but the problem is their large family and they all have to come including cousins and small grandchildren. I've heard lots of moaning from her about the behaviour of 'some guests' at the other weddings and her having to patrol and send people home because they stayed up too late! She phoned me up to ask what I was wearing and was judgmental about it. She is the most appalling woman and I fear for the marriage and my daughter's place in his family.

It's only a few weeks now and I am dreading it. I don't think my other two daughters will get married, they are very independent and I just thank god. What is it, just what is it that turns people into monsters. I'm kind of hoping that I'll get Covid and then I'll have an excuse not to be there.

My mum quite deliberately ruined our wedding. My late husband never forgave her and I don't blame him.

I am MOB this autumn. I've paid for DD's dress in so much as I gave her some money and let her maker own choices.I was asked along to watch her try dresses on which was lovely.

I told DD and SIL to have the wedding they want and that I would wear a posh frock and smile all day.

I had a BIL-zilla. Refused to come unless he was able to bring some random woman he fancied as a plus one. Given we were having a tiny (40 guests) wedding with our absolute closest friends it was very odd.

Literally was ranting and raving about how unreasonable we were.

He pulled a similar behaviour with SILs wedding. He is himself single and will remain so!!

My dad (who I was very close to) died 9 years ago, and DP's entire family immediate family moved overseas. We've also got two autistic DC, plus I'm autistic so a big wedding just wouldn't work. For all of these reasons, we're both very happy to go away and get married somewhere quiet, just us and the DC.

Problem is my mum is not happy at all. She's not making threats but very tearful and keeps making sad comments about the idea. The problem is that my brother is very, very low contact with her (they're both at fault really). He didn't invite her to his wedding as he felt he would be ashamed of her (in fairness she is awful socially, unintentionally rude and has terrible manners - and my brother has married into a very posh family so.....). I love my mum but she's a bloody nightmare at times. I love my brother but he's a snob at times. The fact that she didn't get to go to his wedding has caused many many many tears over the years (I was invited and went).

And now I'm essentially doing the same to her - or at least in her eyes. No matter how many times I tell her that no one is coming to my wedding, it doesn't make a difference. Cue sad face and lots of crying. Honestly the guilt is overwhelming. We've been engaged for about 4 years now and I don't think I can face actually organising the wedding because of how upset she'll get!!

We were incredibly lucky. My Nana (who brought me up) gave me a sum of money and said “Invite who you like, eat what you like and don’t let anyone interfere”.
PIL gave us money and reminded us that their families are huge so there is never pressure to invite everyone. They also said if we wanted them to the ones to tell Great Aunt Mavis and co they weren’t invited they’d happily do so.

BIL and SIL basically eloped recently because of her parents. Mostly her father. The demands they had were ridiculous and every refusal was met with “Well, we’re not coming then and we’ll not bring your Gran”. They ended up having a “birthday dinner” and when we got there (parents, siblings and nieces/nephews) it was their wedding. Her parents were too shocked to argue.

My mum bought a floor length white gown to wear to my wedding, and fell out with me when I asked her to exchange it for a different colour.

My mum spent the whole run up trying to push her DH into the bridal party, wanted us to get him the same suit as my dad. We did not get along, he was not my dad but its like she idolises him and can't understand that I don't. It stressed me out so much.

MIL abandoned DHs uncle with alzheimers at the hotel and brought his girlfriend, who I didn't know and was purely invited to look after uncle. Nobody told me, I thought he'd stayed home. I will never get over the guilt of that poor old man alone and confused and I don't think I'll ever forgive her for being so selfish. She just didn't want the hassle.

Asian wedding, my mum wanted a say in the guest list. Absolutely fine as dad paid for the actual wedding day. I said I do at the registry office to do the legal part of the wedding and had planned to go dress shopping, was super excited to buy my white dress and wanted something that looked very different to asian wedding clothes, think less bling, more lace and figure hugging. She surprised me with a white net dress which was the total opposite of what I wanted. It cost her £400. She was most put out when I said it would have to be returned as it was nice but not what I wanted.

I was working full time and did want to involve her in the wedding planning but she completely overstepped boundaries at times. I let some things go but had to keep telling her to back off when it came to my outfit choices, I paid for them and wanted to choose them myself. She tried to do the same with my wedding jewellery but my dad interjected that as it was a gift to me he wanted to make sure if went with my outfit for the actual day and that I liked it, therefore I got to choose. He did remind her several times that it wasn't her wedding. She looks back on it all fondly but she actually made a special time really stressful for me and I've since told her that.

DH and I married in a registry office.
I'm Catholic he is COI.
I had no desire for a church wedding, nor did he.

We are both very quiet and didn't want a fuss.
No white dress, no bridesmaids boquets etc. Just immediate family.
We paid for a beautiful meal and an overnight stay with breakfast for everyone. No set menu, multiple choices of starters/mains/desserts.

On the day MIL Brought carnations to the registry office and started sticking them into my Dad, DH etc lapels.

After the meal, the restaurant brought out this big cake with our names and congratulations on your wedding on it.
MIL had ordered the cake as dessert despite it being our wedding and knowing full well we hadn't wanted a wedding cake.

She just had to get her oar in.
I let it go over my head on the day but it always annoyed me and its good to write it down.

My mum was really weird about my wedding. She didn't want us to get married, although she loves my husband more than me I think. She just didn't think it was "necessary".

We had a v small wedding on a weekday (with just immediate family and a friend each) and then a bigger party at the weekend.

My parents offered to pay for the drink at the reception. I took the drinks menu to theirs and said they could pick. They decided to give us money instead and said you choose what you like. I chose and they didn't like that option. In the end I had to buy something from elsewhere and pay corkage to keep them happy.

We invited their friends to the party but my mum, without telling me, invited someone to the wedding itself. I only found out a few weeks before when my dad told me he couldn't pick me up and drive me to venue as planned because he'd be driving them all instead.

My mum refused to come to the house ahead of the wedding to go to the venue together, because of said friends, but then cried at the wedding that she hadn't seen me beforehand.

My bridesmaid offered to drive us but my dad changed his mind and made my mum get a taxi so he could drive us there. But then he made us late as he was late arriving and then spilt a drink on his tie. He also gave a bit of a weird speech (we hadn't asked him to do one but he insisted) in which he said over and over again how much he liked my DH but didn't say anything much about me, although he mentioned how proud he was of my sister.

My MIL made us a cake for the party (which she really worried about but was fantastic) and wanted cheese and biscuits for evening food but was really quite straightforward and easy to please.

My Mum and Dad were similarly batshit when I had both my DDs, but have calmed down a bit now. Weddings and small babies seem to bring out the crazy in them.

@s0upertrooper she was dumped, the family phoned her to tell her it was over and to pack her bags and leave the house, and the ex fiance didnt make contact until the baby arrived which was so bizarre. Friend has been amazing throughout despite how horrendous it has all been, we laugh about it now but goodness me she had a lucky escape!

Some of these are so funny. We were lucky both sets of parents contributed and whilst there were as the odd comment. Dm was put out the wedding wasn't closer to her house and mil made a shitty comment about the cake but overall I'd say we got off lightly! Both contributed dm a set amount and mil offered same as dil wedding. (We got lucky dil got married first and had a v spenny wedding so their contribution covered most of cost of our wedding.) Can't wait for my childrens weddings I think if there are any issues it will be money. Both dds have expensive tastes so I'm thinks a set amount each is the was to go.

My mum wore a wedding dress to my wedding.

SURPRISE!!!

And everybody complimented her.😳