Permanent exclusion-how do I find a new school that will take an excluded child?

Thank you. It was very hard not to respond emotionally and she will have been surprised that I responded cooly and gave her what age says she wants, just on my time scale, not hers. Yes, she hurt me but I e not shown her that. I'm quite proud of my lack of emotional response as it took a lot of restraint. I said nothing that would hurt her and nothing inflammatory or that criticised her. That took some doing.

I agree about qualifications. I just think it will impact her mental health negatively when she doesn't get the results she's capable of.

There's a meeting with the Dd, social worker, HOY, her dad and me soon. I might bow out as I think Dd won't turn up if I go and she needs to be there. I don't need to be there. I'd like to be but the SW might deign too update me. These social workers seem to have 12 weeks holiday if not more a year in my experience. They are on annual leave more than they are present and helping my Dd from now years of experience. Months at a time. My experience of SWs has been that they are all useless and unable to do anything to help. We were told if there was a referral back to SS it would be child protection yet it's not despite physical and alleged sexual abuse. I think the ex extends his charm to deceive and redirect their focus onto me. He's very skilled for an idiot.

I'll always be here for Dd if she decides she wants me in her life. I'll always love her.

Just updating and venting here because it's a safe place to do so.

Dd remains much the same although school attendance for February was the worst to date. The end of Feb/beginning March has started off poorly with 3 appointments made in school time where she's missed the whole day for each appointment. Her dad is fine with this.

She has miraculously got a place at college. I really don't understand how except they don't actually ask school for references so that will explain it I suppose. The courses she will be offered depend on her GCSEs. She's only being entered for those that school think she is likely to pass. Personally I'd let her sit them all and let her see the results of her choices. There is doubt as to whether she would turn up to exams though so I understand why school are taking that stance.

Earlier this week she informed me that her mental health will improve when she no longer has to see me at 18. There's no reason why she HAS to see me now so I've said why wait🤷🏼‍♀️ She holds me responsible for her poor choices amd the results of those and thinks that without me around everything will magically resolve so I'm not going to stand in the way of what she thinks will make her happy. I remain hopeful that she comes out of this horrendous time and our family is whole again but for now she has removed herself from us and allied herself to her abusive dad. I've done everything I can and it's exhausting. I've kept going and going and my other dc want and need me in their lives and I need to focus on them now. Dd1 has ignored the existence of ds for some time, excluding him from Christmas gifts, ignoring his birthday then blaming me for that. When she is around he is witnessing regular police and social services visits and no event is without incident. A day out is fraught waiting for her to kick off about the smallest thing. He doesn't deserve that. None of us do. She's made her choice and I have to respect thét as much as it hurts to do so.

I've been raising concerns for 10 years but not one professional has ever done anything beyond having a chat with her dad or having meetings. It's not enough to meet the threshold for intervention beyond setting personals goals. I can't tell you how angry that makes me. Dd will not come home because the freedom means she's prepared to put up with whatever he does. The sexual abuse has been classed as a grey area by the police and I agree that it appears totally unintentional the way it happened but the physical and emotional abuse is purposeful and the professionals need to do something. There's another meeting in March. March. That's ages away and in the meantime exH has a behaviour contract. It's not like he can be relied upon to stick to that or be truthful about it. Nor will Dd be honest unless he makes her angry and then she'll tell the SW the truth. But then he will live bomb her and she will change her story and round and round it goes.
She knows I love her and that I'm anyways here for her and that she always has a home here if she wants it. I attend the meetings, I'm in touch with school several times a week, I go to parents' evenings and performances. ExH did not go to parents' evening for either child and did not attend ds's gcse performance. He's all talk and no trousers.

They are trying to keep her at her school because she's vulnerable. The school are doing everything they can to support her with more patience than I ever imagined. Years 7 and 8 she was great. Not a model student but not far off so they are trying to do whatever they can to get her through her last few months of school because they know she is capable. She's no longer violent but she is truant most day for some lessons if not truant for the entire day. She's not allowed to the prom as things stand and they are hoping that will encourage her to engage. She's got on site counselling and access to pastoral support.

Well that was a waste of time. The social worker sees her dad's abuse of Dd as a "challenge" ffs. They both have a behaviour contract. I'm so angry.
I'm wondering if Dd has complex ptsd. Not that camhs are likely to help with anything. Useless the lot of them because she tells them what they want to hear rather than the truth.
She's in school but but attending lessons and she's got mocks for the next few weeks.
The more that time passes the more i think this will take until ling into adulthood to sort out. She needs to get away from
her dad.

I dream of that day. 10 years we've had social workers involved and things for Dd have got worse and worse. I warmed them from the start that I was worried things would end up like this but no one did anything bar meetings and chats with dad. They need some intensive training on coercive control and outright abuse too.

There's a meeting this week with a new social worker (who is a wet lettuce) after an incident or two at Christmas with Dd reporting her dad for abuse then refusing to be here saying she'd Jill herself if she had to come here. She called me a useless cunt and says she didn't care about me.
School is a mess. She's rarely there. If she is there she's truant within school or in internal exclusion.
Her dad wants to take her to America for a holiday in the middle of her GCSE exams
I can't face a meeting with him and her. The manipulation of my younger Dd has started already and it will just be an excuse to be subtlety abusive so that the professionals will be blind to it.
I'm so upset and angry today and know I can rant here.

Another truancy, another late, another detention not attended with more lies as to why she's been truant every day this week. Her dad does nothing about it. Fuck all. Clueless prat.

The college she wants to go to is a strict college with an excellent reputation and high entry requirements. Unless there is a miraculous change in her attitude, engagement and behaviour then she won't be going there. She's predicted to fail her sciences because she refuses to do the foundation level instead of the higher level that she was put in for in year 9. Her teachers have told her the situation but I'm assuming they will take the decision out of her hands if she continues to not go to her lessons and not do her homework. Even maths is looking like she won't pass.
This week she's been truant both mornings for form and first lesson then late for an afternoon lesson.
She's been to see me and behaved disgustingly in front of her younger siblings and was told to leave it was so bad then she tried gaslighting me about it saying I was unreasonable. Her dad doesn't see an issue with her behaviour.
I am thoroughly pissed off.