Permanent exclusion-how do I find a new school that will take an excluded child?

DD was permanently excluded due to ADHD and being bullied. We were lucky enough to have a local partnership with parents (through local Ed authority), and they were amazing. They came to the meetings with us, didn't let the old school get away with anything, and they negotiated a managed move to another school.

Unfortunately, whilst this school was initially very supportive, when DD started pushing boundaries again, there was zero tolerance and we then ended up having to home educate for nearly 2 years. Again, PWP came into its own and they found her a year 11 course that was run at a local college so she was able to get basic qualifications in maths/english. It turned out to be the making of her, she coped really well with being much more independent.

There will be an exclusions team at your LA who can advise on next steps. You should be given this information by your DDs school when she is PX.

A mainstream school will not take her. We have had a parent try to fudge it and apply as an in year application for the school I work at and not tell us their current school. But we found out where they attended and their PX for violence and they didn't get a place.

If she gets a PRU place that will be a real positive OP. I'm sure it doesn't feel like it, but it is. Lots of dedicated staff and they will work hard with her to stamp out her violent bullying behaviour. It could be the making of her if she realises it is her last chance for formal education.

OP, Ive only looked at this briefly and dont know if you have answered in previous posts - has your DD been assessed for ASD / PDA?
PDA specifically.

@itsgettingweird

That may be true. I'm sure the op is devastated. However, I feel she is minimising the impact and potential impact on others.

The biggest issue here is her behaviour and she will be better off at a PRU or somewhere else that specialises in behavioural difficulties than in a mainstream. Exams and qualifications can come later.

Sometimes PRU are the answer .I would say its unlikely that another mainstream School would take her on .The classes are smaller and the Teachers are experienced with children like this. She sounds very unhappy .Hopefully this will help her

The original OP clearly stated she had 2 previous posts about this and what this one was about.

If you read all of it it's very clear she's absolutely devastated in the oath her DD has taken and hers fathers complicity in this.

I know it is hard but try and extract Dd behaviour from her Dad's , they are not inextricably linked and it doesn't mean she will definitely turn out to be like him at this age we can't be sure what behaviours are part of their personality, the teenage brain is an awful thing sometimes.

I spent so many months worry about Dd and her mental health and convince myself she would turn out like xxxx in my family, it really affected how we communicated. If I could go back I would redress that as it simply wasn't helpful.

💐

Of course it won't, she's your DD who you love. Unfortunately between her and her Father you have zero chance of effecting anything until if and when DD is willing to admit her behaviours are wrong and seek help. You can't make her engage, the school can't make her engage. What you can do is let her face the consequences of her actions (as you are) and hope that as a result she will be able to acknowledge her actions were wrong and genuinely seek help and be willing to engage with that help. Then you can go all in to support her.

She's the only one who can make the changes needed(assuming she has had assessments to rule out ASD etc)
I know you can't help worrying about her but you need to let her experience the consequences of what she does. For any assaults she has carried out, the police should have been involved. And she should be excluded. The school has a duty of care to those she has abused
She will learn in time, it might have to be the hard way but if she's as smart as you say she will eventually realise she's not invincible

As hard as it is, sometimes you've just got to step back, let them make a total mess of it all, then be there for them when they realise and come to you.
It sounds like she's got a lot to lose from this exclusion. Maybe that will be the wake-up call she need that she can't behave like this as an adult or she could end up in prison.
Pity no one moved her before it got this bad.
And lastly, my sister was just like this (mum was always making excuses that it was "friends leading her astray" but she had a knack for finding those awful friends at every "fresh start" she got), she got excluded and ended up in court over her behaviour, and she's now got a decent job in the NHS and is very straight laced and the opposite of how she was as a teenager.

Then she needs to suffer the consequences of her behaviour. If people want to bring charges against her then they should. She needs to see that it's her violent behaviour that will land her in a juvenile detention centre or prison if she's an adult.

A PRU might be her best way out of a life of crime and violence so if I were you I would let this happen. Don't look for another school for your dd, you need to protect other children from her as her behaviour is dangerous.

And yet you have other children who didn't react in this extreme way? And let's face it, it is very extreme. Families split all the time, unfortunately.

How did this play out from your end? Did you remain amicable with your Ex? Has DD had counselling?

The structure of the PRU might help her get her behaviour back under control. And give her a view of her future if she continues on this path that might help her decide to change. Is she getting mental health support?

@itsgettingweird

I'm afraid I don't agree. The original op didn't mention what her dd had done. That took many posts later.

You can care about the victims and also focus on your child. They aren't mutually exclusive.

Eventually, when they realise that it isn't going to be all sunshine and unicorns and more likely a PRU unit with serious restrictions. this might be the wake up call she needs to sort herself out. Let it play out.

I would tell her and her father to crack on and sort it themselves since she thinks her behaviour is no big deal and she'll just go elsewhere and he supports her with her shitty attitude.

Tell them you're out and to let you know where she'll be going and what she'll be studying.

having worked with teenagers I agree with posters suggesting sorting her behaviour is probably more important than her education at present., Find CAMHS or SS help or both and find out where all this anger is coming from and get her help to change her behaviour. If this doesn’t happen, any new educational placement will break down again.She will very likely encounter far tougher pupils than she is in an alternative placement.If her violence continues she will be looking at the judicial system in a couple of years.

Of course not
I hadn't realised you had a younger daughter also at the school. She's another one who'll benefit for dd1 being moved on.

Has your daughter been diagnosed with any additional needs? I would investigate and request a needs referral, you can refer her yourself via your La's SEND website. Don't wait for the school, get the ball rolling and if she has additional needs then she should get the appropriate support.

It's interesting you mention that your ex is similar and it could be she's inherited whatever he's got. Sometimes, you can see a pattern of inherited behaviour in families. I'm not an expert and you'll need professional advice here but have a look at PDA, Pathological Demand Avoidance.

As your ex is the resident parent I would put the ball firmly back in his court to resolve the issue.