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Original poster

Permanent exclusion-how do I find a new school that will take an excluded child?

635 replies

Alwaystoblame · 27/05/2022 14:10

Posting for traffic.
How do I go about finding my Dd a new school if she's been permanently excluded? How likely are good schools to take her on in year 10 with an appalling attendance and behaviour record? She's very bright and doing very well academically when are bothers to go to class and do the homework. Attendance in in the 60s for this year. Even when she dies go in she is late and/or truants classes.
I have 2 previous threads about the issues she's having but I wanted to ask specifically about new schools without getting detailed.

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 09/06/2022 11:54

Alwaystoblame · 09/06/2022 07:31

The school she is going to is not a good one. The ofsted report is quite damning. There have been 5 HTs in 10 years which seems excessive. The school she is at now is one of the best locally and I think she will have one heck of a shock at the new one and that's exactly what she needs. Away from bad influences and out of her depth she might start making better choices about how she conducts herself and her attitude in general. I hope she will keep her head down and get on with her education now. Her friendship with the worst influence might end. She'll have no one to skip classes with and won't have the backing of any other bullies in her dreadful behaviour. No one I've spoken to that ones her at primary can believe how she has been behaving. They have been shocked and can't believe that lovely little Emily (not her real name) could behave like that. Her victims will breathe a sigh of relief now and be able to relax and get on with their education without her bullying them. The teachers won't have her disrupting classes. It's a good thing all round.

I imagine that's the only reason they agreed to take her.
Sorry, but she's had her shot at a decent school, and still doesn't even understand how badly she fucked it up.

MidwichCuckoo · 09/06/2022 11:01

Fingers crossed 🤞

Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 09/06/2022 07:31

The school she is going to is not a good one. The ofsted report is quite damning. There have been 5 HTs in 10 years which seems excessive. The school she is at now is one of the best locally and I think she will have one heck of a shock at the new one and that's exactly what she needs. Away from bad influences and out of her depth she might start making better choices about how she conducts herself and her attitude in general. I hope she will keep her head down and get on with her education now. Her friendship with the worst influence might end. She'll have no one to skip classes with and won't have the backing of any other bullies in her dreadful behaviour. No one I've spoken to that ones her at primary can believe how she has been behaving. They have been shocked and can't believe that lovely little Emily (not her real name) could behave like that. Her victims will breathe a sigh of relief now and be able to relax and get on with their education without her bullying them. The teachers won't have her disrupting classes. It's a good thing all round.

OP posts:
MidwichCuckoo · 09/06/2022 00:19

Let's hope she doesn't bully or attack anyone at this new school.

Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 08/06/2022 21:56

Update: she is having a trial/managed move at the school she emailed. It's all been discussed (without me) and that's what has been decided. My worry is that without intensive support she will be here again in a years time and mess up her exams and have to redo them. Not the end of the world I know.

OP posts:
MidwichCuckoo · 08/06/2022 18:27

I wonder what she said to the new schools in her email to them. I imagine they will ask for info on her from her last school before offering a place.

lucysnowe2 · 08/06/2022 16:06

Hey OP, hugs! You may find it helpful to get in contact with families in similar situations. Do you know about Yvonne Newbold and VCB? If you're on facebook, I highly recommend her page

www.facebook.com/Yvonnes-Newbold-Hope-1381185878717389/

and the VCB page

www.facebook.com/groups/421839288150939/

you will find there are people there going through exactly the same thing! they can offer advice and are completely accepting and not critical.

Johnnysgirl · 08/06/2022 15:38

Alwaystoblame · 07/06/2022 13:54

No, nothing yet except there is another meeting soon with Dd and her dad because he wasn't at the last meeting. It's still all my fault of course. Dd is taking no responsibility for her behaviour and her dad thinks she's blameless too.

This is just nonsense, though? You must know that it isn't actually your fault; you really are still far too involved in this situation that they won't actually allow you to influence.
Step back and let them sink or swim without you. How can you be blamed if you've just done what they've asked you to?

Ellie56 · 08/06/2022 14:05

Take a leaf out of their books and refuse to accept anything is your fault. Don't enter into any discussion ; just use the broken record technique - "No, it's not my fault." "No, I don't accept that." "No, it's not my fault." "No, I don't accept that." Ad infinitum.

And let them get on with it.

Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 07/06/2022 13:54

No, nothing yet except there is another meeting soon with Dd and her dad because he wasn't at the last meeting. It's still all my fault of course. Dd is taking no responsibility for her behaviour and her dad thinks she's blameless too.

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 07/06/2022 13:03

Have you heard from the HT yet @Alwaystoblame ?

Helenloveslee4eva · 04/06/2022 11:30

That’s PRU territory but our local college has 14+ Provision too which seems to be mostly those who find “ engaging with school challenging “ - I interact with these young people in another field and they are on the whole nice people but somehow just don’t click with the school / have issues that make it hard and college works better.

Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 04/06/2022 11:29

They are muted. Well exH is blocked but Dd is muted. She sends message after message using send instead of return and gets angrier with each message usually so I don't entertain her. I reply when it's convenient for me. She expects instant replies yet ignores my messages. Her sense of entitlement is quite something.

OP posts:
Newestname002 · 04/06/2022 11:23

@Alwaystoblame

I've got a busy day today and that will help distract me from the impending meltdown from Dd and her dad when they get the final decision and realise they are not in control of things anymore and that she can't just go to another school as though she's done nothing wrong. He says her behaviour is just normal teenage stuff ffs.

OP could you face muting them both on your mobile and landline for a few hours today? Give yourself a break from the situation they've pretty much got themselves into whilst you focus on other things? 🌹

Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 04/06/2022 10:58

I am still waiting to hear from the HT as to his final decision. Dd missed her camhs appointment on Tuesday. Her dad was working and she said no one else could take her even though I'd already said that I'd happily take her to her appointments. So she sat there in the school meeting saying how she was going to prioritise her mental health and attend her appointments this time as she knew she needed help, then didn't go. She's old enough to have gone by herself but claims no one told her when the appointment was. Camhs had phoned me though to say she hadn't turned up and confirmed that both Dd and her dad had been told the date, time and location of the next appointment. Bearing in mind this is an appointment following a threat of suicide. Camhs had previously discharged her because she'd missed 3 appointments in a row. ExH said she was dealing with things on her own 🙄 despite saying he would ensure she attended. He's useless. I know I'm trying to step back but I find typing things out here helpful. I told Dd I could have taken her and left it at that. Camhs know I'd have taken her but that I'm not really part of her life at her choice.
I've got a busy day today and that will help distract me from the impending meltdown from Dd and her dad when they get the final decision and realise they are not in control of things anymore and that she can't just go to another school as though she's done nothing wrong. He says her behaviour is just normal teenage stuff ffs.

OP posts:
rainbowmilk · 30/05/2022 17:19

VanillaIce1 · 30/05/2022 17:04

No advice op but it's refreshing to see a parent actually admitting what their child has done and trying to sort things out. I was badly bullied to the point I was hospitalised twice and the parents of these kids didn't care. I've always said if my kids ever tried to bully another child I'd come down hard on them too.
I wish you all the luck in the world with this.

I agree. It’s been a couple of decades since I was at school but I was subjected to violent bullying and the school’s focus was entirely on the bully’s need for an education. It took over a year for the expulsion and by that point two children had been hospitalised. Her parents maintained that she was the true victim and the school seemed to act from that standpoint. Her actual victims had to attend school and pretend none of it was happening, of course.

I agree with others - stop engaging now and let her and her dad find a miraculous solution themselves.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 30/05/2022 17:07

It will probably be a ‘resource center’ or PRU type place . Alternatively can you get her into a school for kids with social/emotional needs - what area are you in if you don’t mind me asking? Round here if you get excluded there is a dedicated school which started as a PRU but is now a full 11-16 ‘high school’ where children from all over the borough go when mainstream isn’t working.

VanillaIce1 · 30/05/2022 17:04

No advice op but it's refreshing to see a parent actually admitting what their child has done and trying to sort things out. I was badly bullied to the point I was hospitalised twice and the parents of these kids didn't care. I've always said if my kids ever tried to bully another child I'd come down hard on them too.
I wish you all the luck in the world with this.

Greensleeves · 30/05/2022 16:58

RunnerBarn · 30/05/2022 16:54

Since when did parents stop being responsible for their children? Those poor bullied children.

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Oh, I don't know - since OP's teenager moved in with her other parent, told her mother to get out of her life and blocked her number? What do you expect her to do, bulldoze his house?

Yes, of course, the "poor bullied children". I have one of those, he has long-term mental health issues as a result. I'm not belittling what the girl has done (and neither is OP). This thread, however, is for OP and her need for advice and support. People constantly braying about the victims and trying to make her feel even worse is ridiculous.

RunnerBarn · 30/05/2022 16:54

Greensleeves · 30/05/2022 16:53

Reading comprehension isn't your strong suit, is it? FFS.

Show quote history

Since when did parents stop being responsible for their children? Those poor bullied children.

Greensleeves · 30/05/2022 16:53

RunnerBarn · 30/05/2022 16:51

Wow. Sort it out OP. Looks like the LA, schools and your DD are all paying the price. Not to mention the bullied children.

She's ten you say? You're her parent....

Reading comprehension isn't your strong suit, is it? FFS.

RunnerBarn · 30/05/2022 16:51

Wow. Sort it out OP. Looks like the LA, schools and your DD are all paying the price. Not to mention the bullied children.

She's ten you say? You're her parent....

Greensleeves · 30/05/2022 16:45

I can't add much advice OP, but just wanted to offer a hand-hold and solidarity. My heart goes out to you, it must be absolutely gut-wrenching for you to have to watch her piss her life away like this and not to be able to do anything about it. Damn her useless, selfish bloody father to hell. She will be the one who pays the long-term price for his vanity and stupidity, he's encouraging her to behave like a hellion to score points against you and it's unconscionable.

I think you can be a bit optimistic about the PRU option - some of them are very good, with excellent staff and can give an out-of-control kid plenty of attention and a more personalised approach. I know several nightmare teens who have been through them and come out with decent qualifications and a future. I understand your grief at what she's throwing away, however. It would break my heart as well. None of us plans this route for our children, and you're allowed to feel devastated for her.

Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 30/05/2022 16:44

@RainCoffeeBook I agree. Her current school know that I support a move to a PRU rather than another school where she will have the same problems. She needs specialist intervention before she ends up in a cell.

OP posts:
RainCoffeeBook · 30/05/2022 16:41

Why should a school take her? She'll only disrupt there too. She's old enough to bear the consequences of her actions.