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Original poster

Permanent exclusion-how do I find a new school that will take an excluded child?

635 replies

Alwaystoblame · 27/05/2022 14:10

Posting for traffic.
How do I go about finding my Dd a new school if she's been permanently excluded? How likely are good schools to take her on in year 10 with an appalling attendance and behaviour record? She's very bright and doing very well academically when are bothers to go to class and do the homework. Attendance in in the 60s for this year. Even when she dies go in she is late and/or truants classes.
I have 2 previous threads about the issues she's having but I wanted to ask specifically about new schools without getting detailed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 08/09/2022 11:52

Well, a very sudden change today. I've had a call from Dd and from the coordinator saying the new school is ending her trial today. She's not attending classes and is disruptive. Shocker 🙄 She will go back to the original school and if she doesn't behave she will be taught in isolation. No other transfer available, this was a one chance deal and because she's year 11 they don't like to move them.

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Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 07/09/2022 07:58

The trial has been extended with words had about improving attendance at school in general and attending classes. She has to make big changes for her trial to be successful. Yet yesterday she was in trouble for having a banned item in school.

She has reported me to the police who have referred to social services about what happened on holiday 🙄

OP posts:
Crazycrazylady · 19/08/2022 14:27

Op
There absolutely comes a time when regardless of whether she is your daughter or not that you need to step back for you health and for your other kids happiness.
Being really blunt she doesn't appear to have many redeeming qualities and has shown no remorse for hurting that girl.
There are something just people who can't be helped .

Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 18/08/2022 16:09

Yes, I might do a couple of days trips before they go back to school.

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 18/08/2022 14:39

bringbackveronicamars · 18/08/2022 14:26

I would definitely claw some of the money back out of the savings account to cover her wilful and deliberate wasting of your hard saved money.

@Alwaystoblame

Take the money out to spend on a trip/treat for you and your other children before they go back to school.

bringbackveronicamars · 18/08/2022 14:26

I would definitely claw some of the money back out of the savings account to cover her wilful and deliberate wasting of your hard saved money.

Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 18/08/2022 11:38

Because she's my daughter and I love her and her siblings want her there as do I. That's until she kicks off of course 😩 her younger sister and her are/were very close and going away with her is always weird and sad. But enough is enough now and she will not be given the opportunity to ruin anything else. She even caused drama at my mum's birthday and upset her. I suppose it's the triumph of hope over experience.

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gatehouseoffleet · 18/08/2022 11:34

Quia · 18/08/2022 08:36

It's always a good idea to try reading all the OP's posts before pronouncing judgment.

Show quote history

Indeed this. And I assume you only have very young children. When they get older, they have free will, and I am very much afraid that they don't always do what mummy tells them to do. Do you still do what your mummy tells you to do?

Don't want to derail the thread but this sort of judgey comment is so irritating.

Sounds like you are doing the best you can OP. Such a pity her dad is so useless.

Johnnysgirl · 18/08/2022 11:23

She has a habits of doing the outward train journey with us then getting a lift home after she walks off and cries to her dad that I'm abusing her
Why do you still bring her with you? Confused. Isn't she going on holiday with her Dad?

Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 18/08/2022 10:57

@Ellie56 sadly not. She has a habits of doing the outward train journey with us then getting a lift home after she walks off and cries to her dad that I'm abusing her. All holiday she wanted to sit next to me and kept saying how she's not been away with us for a year. That was her choice though.she's had tickets to music festivals, theme parks, water parks, train tickets to various places along with hotels and she orchestrates some drama and doesn't come with us. I've been putting money into a savings account for her and feel like transferring it back to cover the money she's wasted. I can't work as I'm a full time carer so money is carefully saved for these trips over a long period.

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Revolvingwhore · 18/08/2022 09:21

VoiceOfCommonSense · 18/08/2022 02:57

Did she not get any warnings first? Surely she should have been given a chance to buck her ideas up. I’d be ashamed if I had a child who had been excluded. I would take them to school myself and make them think twice before stepping out of line

Show quote history

You've clearly never been in a desperate situation such as this.

Ellie56 · 18/08/2022 09:09

@Alwaystoblame

Are you able to get refunds on any of the tickets?

Quia · 18/08/2022 08:36

VoiceOfCommonSense · 18/08/2022 02:57

Did she not get any warnings first? Surely she should have been given a chance to buck her ideas up. I’d be ashamed if I had a child who had been excluded. I would take them to school myself and make them think twice before stepping out of line

Show quote history

It's always a good idea to try reading all the OP's posts before pronouncing judgment.

VoiceOfCommonSense · 18/08/2022 02:57

Alwaystoblame · 27/05/2022 14:10

Posting for traffic.
How do I go about finding my Dd a new school if she's been permanently excluded? How likely are good schools to take her on in year 10 with an appalling attendance and behaviour record? She's very bright and doing very well academically when are bothers to go to class and do the homework. Attendance in in the 60s for this year. Even when she dies go in she is late and/or truants classes.
I have 2 previous threads about the issues she's having but I wanted to ask specifically about new schools without getting detailed.

Did she not get any warnings first? Surely she should have been given a chance to buck her ideas up. I’d be ashamed if I had a child who had been excluded. I would take them to school myself and make them think twice before stepping out of line

Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 18/08/2022 00:32

There is no chance of her coming away with us again. Her siblings do not deserve to have holidays spoilt because she can't handle the word no. If she was engaging with the mental health team and attending the course they want her to go on and was working towards improving her mental health and behaviour then I'd see how things are nearer the time but she has no intention of doing anything to make herself or her behaviour better so she won't be coming. I'm fed up of spending money on train tickets, accommodation, food, event tickets, attraction tickets only for her to decide not to go or to walk off and it's then a waste of a ticket. I've had a year of this now, wasting money and I'm on benefits and a full-time carer for family so I don't have much money for doing nice things, I have to save and cut back on things for myself to get the dc things. She knows that so she knows how wasteful she is being. There's 2 weeks of the school holidays left and I'm going to put all my focus on my other dc and also show myself some kindness. It was so nice to have her on holiday with us until the drama started.

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 17/08/2022 22:52

She has just ruined a trip away with her behaviour and her siblings have asked me not to let her come on anymore trips with us.

Hard as it is I think you need to listen to them. Sounds like you and they have put up with her crap for far too long.

Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 17/08/2022 22:25

Big sigh. Big drama in the holidays so far involving the police and yet another referral to social services. SS aren't going to do anything. Dd has missed yet another mental health appointment and I expect she will be once again discharged due to not turning up. Her dad is responsible for talking her so he is the one at fault here.
Dd finished the school year with an attendance rate of 60% for the 3 weeks age has done so far at her new school. She says they have agreed to take her on permanently and are disregarding her attendance record. That's probably not true seeing as she has 3 weeks left of the trial. I am being as supportive as possible which is very hard given her attitude and attendance. I am at the point of needing to take a break from all the drama again. She has just ruined a trip away with her behaviour and her siblings have asked me not to let her come on anymore trips with us.

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Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 17/08/2022 22:17

B

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Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 14/07/2022 11:09

There's a meeting every 2 weeks with head teachers and the managed move coordinator about all the managed moves. Just an update how are they getting on kind of thing from what I understand.

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Lightuptheroom · 14/07/2022 10:54

If the managed move is failed, she will be directed back to her previous school. Failing managed moves on attendance alone is quite uncommon, particularly if they think dad is aiding this to happen. Frequent absences with no medical proof would be looked at by the pupil entitlement investigation team and both parents could be fined.
What is the meeting? Managed moves are a school-school agreement and whilst local authorities do monitor them they don't usually get involved in meetings unless the school now have to look at alternative provision rather than a young person going back to the original school.

Lindy2 · 14/07/2022 10:16

It's very tough but I think you have to step back and let it fail. I can't actually see what you can do to influence anything much if your DD won't listen to you or attend the new school.

Your daughter's only chance to step up is to realise she has no option but to change her attitude.

Thankfully GCSEs can be retaken at college if she messes up her chances now - which looks likely.

I know it must be incredibly tough to see her making bad decisions and her father not helping the situation at all. I have a challenging DD too and the mental burden of trying to keep her on track is exhausting.

Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 14/07/2022 09:38

She's missed another day now and wasn't going to go in today either. There's a meeting at the local authority today for all the managed move students and her attendance will be discussed. They might say the trial has failed at this rate.

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MummyingAway · 10/07/2022 21:48

@Alwaystoblame
I feel for you..you must feel so helpless in this. Unfortunately there is no helping those who do not want your help.
Look after yourself. Will come a time when she realises how much you have been doing.

Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 08/07/2022 18:21

Make that 4.5 days out of a possible 9. It's not a good start with her attendance. She missed a day the first week and 3.5 days this week. Her attitude is better though as a general thing but I don't think she's done any homework from what I've been told. 4 weeks of the trial left and so far not great. She has a mental health appointment next week and her dad isn't able to take her again so it's been rearranged again. They'll end up discharging her again. Too many agains!

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Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 07/07/2022 21:20

Thank you.
She likes her new school and says the support is better and there's no bullying Hmm However she's missed 4 days already and has only been there 9 days 🙄

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