DD being bullied by a riding instructor at horse therapy

But if OP went and observed, she would then have first hand experience of what is happening which will help her when she comes to make a complaint. It minimises the possibility of the instructor denying it or claiming it's the DDs word against hers. Completely agree it is unacceptable behaviour and needs to stop.

I was generalising - I don't have a horse at the moment but I've finally found a lovely instructor who is harsh but fair where I ride.
Safeguarding seems to be taken very seriously there too and the yard seems a very happy place (with the caveat that they all talk to each other like shit and I couldn't work in that sort of place!)

Any suggestion of this being 'horsey people' or going and observing is irrelevant

the therapeutic environment is irrelevant. Yes there may different expectations or further training necessary but bottom line is this woman is a classic bullying bitch who is singling one child out to demonstrate her power and superiority to the other children.

she has no place working with children. She either needs retraining, or if she can’t or won’t change, sacking.

i honestly can’t believe the posters who think this is ok and excuse it. And I can’t believe they think it’s ok to abuse children in this way.

It IS bullying. Singling out a child in a vulnerable position and using your position of power to make them look and feel bad about themselves is bullying. Just because it’s ‘how it is’ doesn’t mean it isn’t bullying. If this woman can’t cope with teaching she needs to let her supervisor or manager know it’s out of her capabilities. Otherwise, her superior needs to know she’s being nasty to vulnerable children she’s being paid to provide a therapeutic activity to. We must not carry on this silly notion of ‘oh it’s just how x is, we just need to our up with it.’

You wouldn’t allow a shop worker to swear at you. You wouldn’t accept it from your boss, or swimming teacher, or cafe worker. So you shouldn’t accept it from a horse riding instructor.

Is it just me? My understanding is that OP's daughter is attending a provision specifically for vulnerbale young people who benefit from therapeutic intervention with horses. It it therefore not unreasonable to expect the stables and staff involved to work with a therapeutic ethos? This is very much a thing and as I have said before on this thread, it has made a massive difference to vulnerable young people I have worked with.

Any suggestion of this being 'horsey people' or going and observing is irrelevant. These programmes are advertised as therapeutic, cost a lot of money (although maybe funded if you are lucky enough to get funding) and safeguarding should be paramount. OP's daughter should absolutely not have to leave something that should and will dramatically improve her quality of life and also make a positive difference going forward because the provision is not providing the service it claims it does. It is not riding lessons, this is a stable that says it provides a therapeutic intervention on these days for young people within a strict criteria.

Some of the responses on this thread are really depressing.

Some horsey women are awful, and definitely not people people (god that's clunky) - but that doesn't excuse the behaviour or the attitude, and these are people who definitely shouldn't be teaching in this sort of environment. Unfortunately, people do often end up in unsuitable jobs.

Some gates are bloody fiddly. I've seen able bodied adults struggle to open certain gates, and I've encountered gates that I have taken my time over despite god knows how many years of horse experience. There's no excuse for the attitude, and struggling with a gate doesn't mean the OP's daughter is unsuitable for this yard.

I've also dropped a bridle and got it mangled and wondered what the fuck I'd done to it - again, despite decades of working with horses. The laws of physics are strange. Shit happens, you don't make out it's the novice kid's fault.

The RDA are a brilliant organisation and they do amazing work, but it's a pretty poor situation if finding an RDA is the OP's only option. Whilst the RDA are the only option in some circumstances for safety / training / equipment reasons, they shouldn't have to be responsible for everyone who doesn't fit into the standard horsey teenager box. As a community, the equestrian world needs to be better at making space for people who need it, rather than just trying to push people out of the mainstream horsey world. For this reason, you should definitely complain about the instructor, because she needs to either do better, or find an alternative role.

@howler21 Yep, my daughter's favourite instructors are the older strict ones. We are at different yards, but there is one particular young instructor in her 20's who is an actual demon. I don't know wtf her problem is, but she's really nuts even by horsey people standards. My daughter is very immersed in and used to the horsey world (she is quite tough and bitchy herself 😬) but even she switched her lessons to a different instructor.

You pull her out, complain to the horse riding school owners and report to the school. Hope your daughter will be ok

And like posters above, I am really surprised they encourange inexperienced riders to jump. That's really weird.

tough but fair*

In my experience the "old-school strict" instructors are actually beloved by kids and really well-respected. They are usually tough but gair though. The meanest angriest instructors at my daughter's yards are actually the young ones.

An older world where part of learning to ride was learning about the complexities of bridles and other gear, and the importance of caring for them properly

absolutely. But you can explain to a child who isn’t familiar with a bridle how to hold and carry it properly, how to cross the throat strap so it doesn’t get tangled etc.

you do not do this:

Instructor yelled “What the hell are you doing to that bridle?????”. Later on DD overhead her talking to another member of staff saying “I don’t know what the fuck x did to this bridle

that absolutely steps over the line from teaching- she didn’t even demonstrate how to do it properly, just yelled and belittled her to a 3rd party.

People like this have no place in teaching children. I don’t care if they are “horsey”. In fact if they genuinely cared about the horse why wouldn’t they show her how to do things properly rather than just yelling.

it is actual bullying.

Hmmm, my experience of the horse world is that this is a particular kind of horse person, and it’s not actually bullying, but that’s just how she is. It’s old school - I recognise so much of it. An older world where part of learning to ride was learning about the complexities of bridles and other gear, and the importance of caring for them properly. And overcoming fears of jumping etc. I was a timid and anxious rider at first, and I think just being challenged to get on with it, try, fail, try again, was great in making me more confident. But I grew up in tougher times.

What you describe isn’t unusual, and I wouldn’t call it bullying. It’s old school and from a time when you just got on with things.

But that said, she’s clearly NOT suitable for the horse therapy situation. perhaps take this angle, rather than the “She’s picking on my child” approach that the word “bullying” suggests.

Haven't RTFT but if it were me, I'd be staying and observing, and calling out any bullying behaviour. Chances are it will be less if you were present anyway.

That’s awful. I’m a horsey person and I hate to say it but in my opinion a disproportionate amount of riding instructors seem to be like this. I vividly remember one who bullied me horribly when I was young.

I would definitely complain to whomever it is that employs her, she sounds horrible.

*Horsey people are big time twats it's really well known.

I'm not sure you can do anything about it*

i taught at a very well respected riding school. No one was a twat. Any twats we did come across tended to be that particular type of person that bullies to make themselves look superior. They didn’t last long if they came to us.

as for what you can do about it, you complain. This is how gymnastics got itself into deep trouble, everyone just thought that’s what gymnastic coaches were like. Until people started speaking out and we realised the full horror of what grown adults were putting those kids through.

complain o/p. Make an appointment with whoever is in charge, be nice, but completely clear she cannot treat children this way.

all clubs now have to have a safeguarding policy. Quote the BHS’s at them;

www.bhs.org.uk/~/media/documents/dbs-safeguarding/2021-safeguarding-documents/bhs-safeguarding-policy-c--yp---generic--final-version-may-2021.ashx?la=en

right at the beginning:

• To ensure robust safeguarding arrangements and procedures are in operation to provide children and young people with appropriate safety and protection, allowing them to participate in a fun, safe environment and in an atmosphere of fair play.
• To take all reasonable, practical steps to protect children from harm, discrimination and degrading treatment and respect their rights, wishes and feelings.

In your shoes, I would confront the instructor directly, possibly organise an appointment. Your dd can still go on Tuesdays but maybe stop her going on Thursdays if things don’t immediately improve massively.

There is no need to pull DD out OP. My understanding is that your daughter is in a provision which is advertised and 'sold' to meet her needs. In the interim maybe stop the day that is causing issues whilst you follow this up. I am so sorry you and your daughter are in this situation- you probably have had to fight very hard already to get to the place you are now. If these stables are being funded to provide a therapeutic provision they should be doing that. It is really positive your DC has made friends and has a good experience with the other instructor. If you can, keep this up whilst you deal with the issues with the other instructor. Good luck

There’s a couple of lovely girls she’s really gelled with and there was talk them of going to the cinema together. DD has had no friends since primary school so this is huge for her.

Oh OP that's made me cry.
Hope you can resolve it.

I mentioned our experience RDA because it was suggested further back in the thread. We have also tried 'horse therapy' - nice idea, my son loves horses, it can be very powerful but once again, in our personal experience it was run by people who understand horses not people.