Why why why do people have kids without marriage

what your objection to unmarried mums op? Or do u just like to look down on them?

what about economically impoverished women who marry economically impoverished men? Is that ok with you? Or do you need to marry a rich man to succeed in your world.

I am a never married mum. Made it easier and cheaper to leave my lower earner ex and I certainly don’t regret it at all.

I have a good job and provide well for my family. I don’t have to answer to anyone and I am not trapped with someone I hate so I can pay for activities for the kids like so many married posters on mn.

its 2022. “Why don’t women marry a rich man before having children” is a horrendously misogynist thing to say.

I am still surprised to see so much hate towards us never married mums. Especially on mn. disgraceful imo.

Marriage is a very good insurance policy in very specific circumstances: basically if you earn a lot less than your partner and plan to stop work for a period.

But as others have said it’s not necessarily the solution for everyone and it can be a blunt instrument. For me it would be an absolute disaster to get married. I would be needlessly handing my daughter’s inheritance over.

Far better to educate women on the importance of having a job and developing their financial independence, rather than banging on about marriage being a silver bullet. I do see the point of it for some people but it’s value is vastly overstated on Mumsnet.

I think there is some very old fashioned views on this thread. I didn’t want to get married, have a good relationship and family. We have written a will to sort financial affairs. The only thing that would be affected is our pensions which would not pay out the percentage to each other if one died. I have seen plenty of couples have horrendous divorces with one partner hiding assets from the other. I have never had any interest in getting married and as long as you are not naive and realise there is no such thing as a ‘common law ‘ wife I think you are fine. Plus how much money do you see wasted on expensive weddings which last a couple of years …

Marriage doesn't benefit you if the household income is low. The woman can easily move out if the relationship ends. Apply for housing and claim benefits being married delays that process and adds red tape. I think Mumsnet tends to view things through a middle class lense the average salary in the UK isn't that high and 50 percent will be earning lower !!

You really don't need a big white dress to get married. Or anything, really.

Other than the will you to actually get married.

You really don't need a big white dress to get married. Or anything, really.

Cos the mega sexist traditions around it make lots of women feel queasy! Even before the actual event the man proposes and buys the bling cos he’s the provider and she’s the pretty princess don’t you know. Bleurgh. So dated (not always but usually)

Went for a civil partnership personally.

Me too. And I think getting married is for people who love each other. DP is fine, but I don't really love him enough to gaze into his eyes and say Foreverrrrrrr

If you're not married and you live in a home either owned or half owned by your partner you'll end up losing if you can't afford to pay the inheritance tax. No inheritance tax for spouses.

yes, but only if their estate is worth over £325000.

Maybe I'm naive but what are the advantages of being married when you have children? (Genuine question..I really don't know). Do they apply only to sahm? Wouldn't the father have to pay child maintenance anyway in case they split irrespective of whether the parents are married or not?

Because it has become a trend. Years ago it was totally frowned on and hardly accepted. With women and men forced into unsuitable marriages because of pregnancy. Nobody is saying that was good. Now children without marriage has become the norm and nobody turns a hair. But it does leave a lot of women unprotected financially.

It's not just about men possibly screwing over their partners if things go wrong, it's also about what happens if they die. If you're not married and you live in a home either owned or half owned by your partner you'll end up losing if you can't afford to pay the inheritance tax. No inheritance tax for spouses.

I did get married very young, before children, for a variety of reasons but I think the key thing is not losing earning potential and therefore maintaining some independence if needed. Not only if the relationship breaks down, but ill health or worse.

We lived in a HA house, both on low wages, no savings. How would paying out for a wedding and then a divorce have improved things?

In what way would being married have been any better for my dc?

Some posters seem anti marriage and that's fair enough, each to their own. Given that civil partnership is available to all do any of you think its a good "halfway house" for those who want a degree of security or is it marriage by another name ?

I’m glad we never married, it made the break up easier and cheaper. I can’t see I would have come out of it much better if we were married to be honest, especially once factoring in the cost of weddings and divorces!
Being a single parent hasn’t stopped me retraining and starting my career, after having children, and that’s been quite useful actually.
Being a single parent has its trials, some end up struggling more than others just like it in marriages. You make it sound much worse than my experience of it has been.

Why are you so prejudiced and regressive?

@oakleaffy Sounds like you're a man.

Because I have never wanted to get married. I assume there are a lot more like me. Unless you think all women are desperate for the big white dress?

They are promised it in future

I see this one crop up time & time again on Mumsnet Relationship board. If the woman is in her late 20s or 30s in particular, sometimes the woman feels an added pressure to have children now rather than later for biology reasons. The man says they can always get married in a year or two when they are can save up for a fancier wedding/someone in the family is over their illness/they are out of debt/or the pandemic is over or another reason. One reason is replaced by the other and pretty soon they are 5 - 10 years into parenting. The man has got what he wanted, which is someone to have his children without having to tie himself financially to her. This often leaving the mother vulnerable. Once the children have arrived, his incentive to marry is pretty much completely gone and the farce continues for years.

@MrsTerryPratchett

I’ve got 2 kids and am not married, I don’t see why you have to get married... I love DP and I don’t need a piece of paper to say otherwise. If DP wants to leave us, I work so can manage by myself. We’ve been together 18 years, we get by mighty fine. We have separate finances and that works for us. I’ve been brought up to not rely on people. I have no issues with others getting married, go for it but it’s not for us and I’m comfortable with my decision.

Because some people get pregnant before they're married and want the baby. Simple.

I’ve got 2 kids and am not married, I don’t see why you have to get married... I love DP and I don’t need a piece of paper to say otherwise. If DP wants to leave us, I work so can manage by myself. We’ve been together 18 years, we get by mighty fine. We have separate finances and that works for us. I’ve been brought up to not rely on people. I have no issues with others getting married, go for it but it’s not for us and I’m comfortable with my decision.

It's better not to be