Why why why do people have kids without marriage

Personally, I had more money in the beginning, but nearly died after birth, ended up taking a career break because I was so sick.
thankfully I didn’t procreate with a shit, and I’m much more well now and am working again
but i imagine if I was still too sick to work and was with a twatman then I’d be exactly who you’re asking about. And I guess the answer would be a mix of misfortune and thinking it wouldn’t happen to me

the reason I didn’t get married is because I didn’t want to. Perhaps you should consider the possibility that some women don’t want to get married? Perhaps they can support themselves as I can and would rather make sure their assets go to their children than their ex?

Hence 'random sampling' from my post. As in, there may be myriad other reasons.

I was married for 2 years when my child was born. Not that it did me any good. During the pregnancy it became clear that he thought he had a meal ticket for life. I threw him out of my house which I bought long before I met him. He was annoyed to find he could not control me. He was further annoyed with me when everyone turned against him. He is a miserable git and does his best to make me miserable. I wish I had not married him and if I did have the child I should have kept the paternity a secret. I never receive a penny in Child Support so there was no financial security for me. I was wise enough to block him from trying to obtain spousal support. I own property and other assets, he still has the same nothing that he had when I knew him.
Marriage is not everything

Common scenario of woman going pt after kids. Couple split 15 years later. Her earning potential is low as she’s only had bits of jobs around kids. He’s progressed and earns well as she’s done all childcare/housework.

illustrating the point perfectly why women are willing leave their jobs to sacrifice themselves for men. Not sure why you would do that married or otherwise given job is finance but also lots of other things and before anyone rams down my throat the importance of childcare and not using nurseries etc. having a job is a good role model and why isn’t your ‘husband’ doing 50% of it?

I don’t think marriage is the answer. What we should be addressing is the fact that men can just walk away from relationships (married or not) and not provide for their children.

there’s endless threads on here about fathers not paying a penny for their children, becoming self-employed “hiding” money and paying £1.70 a week whilst swanning around in luxury cars. Why is the CMS useless? Why is the contribution SAHMs made over the years not taken into account in divorce proceedings? Women get screwed over time and time again. Why are men allowed to not show up to see their children then bully women into allowing access? The whole system is anti-women still.

natcen.ac.uk/news-media/press-releases/2019/january/almost-half-of-us-mistakenly-believe-that-common-law-marriage-exists/

Statistics showing half of people mistakenly believe common law marriage exists.

Because going through my own parents divorce put me off marriage for a very long time. Marriage massively disadvantaged both my mother and me.

I am married now but I had my DS first because of I had a closer biological deadline.

By suggesting they marry a rich man before having children? Out with their control surely if said man doesn’t want to get married. Maybe op should condemn women who give up work instead. See how that goes down.

EmptyBites
Decent guide marriage v cohabitation on CAB website.
If your husband dies you get a lump sum and bereavement support payment, nothing if partner dies.
If you are living in his house there’s mechanism to register interest in matrimonial home so you and children can’t be thrown out. Split with boyfriend and he can ask you to
live his house immediately.
Common scenario of woman going pt after kids. Couple split 15 years later. Her earning potential is low as she’s only had bits of jobs around kids. He’s progressed and earns well as she’s done all childcare/housework. Married she can claim part of his pension and will usually get larger financial payment to reflect her contribution to marriage. Unmarried she gets nothing.

I married for practical reasons, as at the time I had one child and wanted another. And I really regret doing so. It cost us both a lot of money for an amicable straightforward divorce, and really added to the trauma of the separation process. It would have been so much easier to just walk away without having to go through that too. I definitely do not agree with the idea that all or even most women need to get/be married if children are involved, from what I can see, divorce is a complicated expensive process with solicitors being the winners. Far easier to walk away with all of your own assets intact. And easier to make the decision to do so.

so many people on here implying that most unmarried woman with children are careless or stupid. What a lot of tosh. Also there seems to be a lot of woman on Mumsnet who see a husband as a golden meal ticket- how well does that work out? Many of my friends have partners, great jobs and children quite successfully without being married. As long as you are aware of the financial problems that can occur and protect yourself I fail to see why you need to be married.

I got pregnant really early on in our relationship so marriage wasn't even discussed
We had 2 children before we finally got married. Since we got married we've had another baby.
I understand there are risks but there are risks to getting married too. I wasn't prepared to end up in a shit marriage because we had a baby. However I had less worries than some because my partner didn't earn loads or own his own house. Maybe that makes a difference.

Meaning this as a PP said:

Far better to educate women on the importance of having a job and developing their financial independence, rather than banging on about marriage being a silver bullet.

It’s like a 1930’s version of mumsnet has landed

I posted on an identical thread recently as an unmarried mother (shocking!) living with long term partner and father of child. It’s such a cliche MN topic that somehow being married will protect you from a dickhead partner.

It’s always the wrong question and NOTHING will protect women from a dickhead partner except their own self esteem and demanding 50:50 in their relationship.

The poster that said this:

Far better to educate women on the importance of having a job and developing their financial independence, rather than banging on about marriage being a silver bullet. I do see the point of it for some people but it’s value is vastly overstated on Mumsnet

These days marriage doesn't give you much protection. Unless in circumstances where it's a long marriage and there are loads of assets

Instead it's far more important for both parties after children are born to have the ability to be independent financially .

Yes, not easy these days. But it's the only way

Because some of us don’t want to be married?

both DP and I have been married before,and we don’t see the point in it?

I have my own career as does he.

Surely the most important thing is to be financially independent and not give up your career when you have a baby?!

we are not big earners either. I just don’t see the point? House is in my name (I bought it before we met). If I die first he can stay in the house (it’s in my Will).

its no biggie to not get married as long as you take precautions and not expect someone to find your life.

Because we fucking want to?

@MrsTerryPratchett the reason I didn’t get married is because I didn’t want to. Perhaps you should consider the possibility that some women don’t want to get married? Perhaps they can support themselves as I can and would rather make sure their assets go to their children than their ex?

A lot of people are short termist and impulsive. they make choices based on what they want/what makes them happy right now. Eg I want a baby now not "am I financially secure enough to provide for a child for the next 18 years". Or "I want to have carefree lustful sex with that attractive bloke" not "do I want to co-parent a child with that utterly useless workshy fuckwit".

Because for quite a few Mners the only goal in life is to marry a rich man and become a SAHM 🤣.

I'm not your target as I'm not financially dependent on my DP, but for me it was that I want a baby, a house, and a wedding. I want them all done well, but can only afford one at a time. So I went in order of what was most important to me: baby, then house, maybe eventually wedding.

To be honest I think being married isn't much protection. If I wanted to leave, I would need to pay to get divorced. My DP has no assets, and I wouldn't want a share even if he had. I aim to be self sufficient within the relationship, married or not.

I had 4DC and wasn’t married, I also gave up a good career to be a SAHM which looking back was a very risky decision and something I would not recommend to my daughters. Luckily it worked out great for me I didn’t work for 11 year went back to uni retrained and now do a job I love.

as the DC were growing up it bothered them we weren’t married and we also started to think about the legal implications. So we went off and had a very cheap quick wedding.

The other day at work I had an argument about the common law wife thing I said there was no such thing and most other people said it gave you protection if for instance you lived in a mans house, paid the mortgage/contributed etc.

Horny and no protection could be one reasonable answer.

@MangyInseam you do need to have someone you want to marry and who wants to marry you. If either of those things is not there I am afraid it’s a no go