Third baby at 38?

Your age is fine, but I had this thought about a third and I think it's just hormones and that babies are lovely and cute ( when you look back at photos) and they seem to grow up so incredibly quickly. I always thought I'd only have one, but then two is standard. Not going for a third, would like to work on my career.

Well I’ll be 34 when this little one arrives and my youngest will turn 9 the month after and my eldest will be close to turning 13. We haven’t had the blessing to choose an age gap any time we’ve tried with losses and genetic testing taking the lead on that. We have friends with a 17 year age gap!
If you want a third, go for it. I’ve wanted this little one for years and years so can totally understand not being able to shake the feeling, I’m awaiting a call for the all clear on baby’s testing and I am hoping so much I’ll get to meet them, I don’t care about my age or the age gap between baby and siblings.

I had my fifth at 42.
Absolutely the right thing to do.
Finances OK. No wider family around to support. DH worked long hours and I was sahp.
You do learn ways of managing the numbers.
Age range of ten years with the biggest gap to the last. I'd have had that gap smaller if possible but life doesn't always work to plan.

Absolutely they are a little gang, had so much fun over the years, have all achieved well in their different ways so no sense of parents not having enough time for them, have each other's backs and will hopefully be a fantastic support for each other when DH and I depart this world!

38 - with that gap you have OP and enough financial stability - i would say go for it.

One thing my mum said to me that I thought was interesting was that in her personal experience not all women feel “done”. Most just decide to be done. I found that hugely comforting as it normalised my feelings but also alerted me on that i need to engage my brain as well as my emotions.

I could have written your post, OP! Although my DH is less keen…I’m one of 3 myself and love the idea of my children being part of a big family and would love us all to be close.
Financially we would be fine and I’m a SAHM but I worry how I would split myself between 3 and would I be better off devoting that time to
My two rather than having another sibling for them?!
Always thought I’d have 3 and I don’t want a big age gap. I’ve found both my pregnancies very tough and worry my kids would kind of lose me to being pregnant again where I found that a good few months of it I was ill/struggling to get about …then being attached to a breastfeeding newborn - but then I think they would have each other to play with so that would help! Feel like I need to decide in the next 12 months!

Just had my 3rd baby almost 6 weeks ago. I'm 42. My other kids - one was 5 a fortnight ago and the other is very close to being three. There's 25 months between the first two. They afore their new sister. Especially the oldest. We had to train in our car for a bigger car and will soon have to move to a bigger house. I also worried about the dynamic, but it's fine. Easier going from 2 to 3 than 1 to 2.

I have stepdd who lived with us, ds and dd, who I had at 38. We paid stepdd through uni, ds is now there and I have dd who is 16, so another possible5 years till uni ends. I'm 55, retirement is a fantasy, no way will I have enough to retire at a normal age. I know it seems a long way off to you but it comes up fast and although I'll never regret dd, I adore her, the fact I'll be working when most people slow down, does worry me. Plus I'm on a decent salary, that just means we have to pay more and I'll have no time to recoup the money.

There was a long post the other day on aibu from someone who had the 3rd and was finding it tough feeling like she was stuck with baby and missing out on life with older ones. Lots of people with 3 shared.
I’d really think hard and speak to DP. If life is good now I’d be very tempted not to mess it up.
As a mum of a child with a disability I’d also say have you thought about how that would impact you all.

IMO 40 should be the absolute cut-off point for having a baby. I don't care if nature allows it at 43/45/47 etc, it's crazy to be having a baby past 43-44. It's a case of 'just because you CAN do something, that doesn't necessarily mean you should.'

If people say it's OK to have a baby at 46/47, because nature allows, it. then by that token, you may as well say it's OK to have a baby at 12, because nature allows it.

Anyway, I digress. 38 is OK. Just about. And I know half a dozen families with 3 children. They seem happy enough.

But just to put a different slant on things being part of a "gang" is not a given. Our three sons are very close in age but not in any other sense, as they are all very different.

As one of three, you won’t necessarily get a happy little gang. Two can have stability, but with three you have a constantly changing pair and one left out, or one is the odd one out because the other two are a different sex.
Have a third child if you want one, but not for the sake of the children.
(I’m sticking with 2.)

www.eurocamp.co.uk/

The back seats fit the grandparents when we go out, otherwise the extra boot space is fantastic to throw everything in: pushchair, big winter coats, wellies, shopping bags......

Tbh with you, I struggled with my 3rd 😔 but it's unfair to compare because my situation changed and the 3rd just made things very difficult for me.... if we were financially comfortable and had our own house and things were stable, maybe I would go for no4 🙃

I am the eldest of 3. I'm 30, middle sibling 27, youngest sibling 20. Same parents, same upbring but cooommpletely different generation. We love our younger sibling dearly but the world she's growing up in is so different to what me and my brother grew up in. If you're going to have another I'd think about it soon before the age gap gets too big. We don't have much in common with our younger sibling, we've both moved out, bought houses, married/long term partners and she's still at uni.

Just had the 3rd and around same age - family all overseas. This is by a distance the most relaxed baby to parent as we have been there, done that and feel so chilled with her. The older two adore her. We had all the same worries but now are really happy. Yes - logistics are more complex, but we are so glad to have her. Just feels right! I was quite nervous when pregnant but now just makes sense for us! So there's a perspective, definitely biased by our experience

Also just following out of interest. No advice but we are in a kind of similar situation - I can see us with 3 children in the long-term, husband not against but I think would be happy to stop at 2 as well. I have similar thoughts to you that our kids won't have any cousins so I want them to be their own little gang and have people around them/wider families when they get older too.

We live comfortably but not wealthy. I work part time now and my career/pension would continue to take a hit. Would probably need to move house eventually to get more space but this is on the cards anyway as current house not really ideal long-term.

Probably over thinking but I also worry about them having to take on responsibilities for our extended family who have not had children but may need care in the future. I've seen this happen with our parents taking care of aunties/uncles who had no other family as well as them looking after our grandparents. I know their is no onus on them to do this at all but I'd like to hope they would want to if it came to that and I don't want that responsibility to just fall on one or two people.

We do have family local to us who help us out a lot but I do worry about their health long-term and know I can't rely on their help always being there as it is now as they get older.

But I go back to what a PP said that you'll (hopefully) never regret having another child. Things might be trickier and more expensive but you just cut your cloth and adapt to make it work. I'm pretty sure I'll have bigger regrets not going for it but I get how difficult it is to weigh up what's right for you

I had a 3rd at 38. Oldest was 9 middle was 4. All good as far as I am concerned.

We had a vectra when we had 3 kids and it had plenty of room, got an s max when pregnant with 4/5 and still fine now.

If you want one enough then you'll figure out the details to make it work.

I had our youngest at 37, she followed 2 miscarriages. Our others were 6 (twins), 9, 10 & 15 when she was born. I have very little support from family (I don't ask for it often) and dh works away for days to months at a time so I am a SAHM.

Our kids do their own homework, they rarely need my help. Good job tbh because I was so rusty with high-school stuff I had to Google it 🤣.

I have two teenagers and about to think about University costs, just seen another lady posting about how to afford 3 DC at University (hadn't realised they would have to contribute to the costs)...

I notice that mostly people posting on these threads have young children. It's quite different having older ones and in some ways, more challenging and expensive...

I have 3. The hard bits (other than the obvious) are cars and booking holidays abroad are hard. Family rooms to sleep 5 are more expensive and most hotels try and split you into separate rooms.

My third was very much wanted after a lot of loss so I wouldn't go back and change it.

I'm now 100% sure I don't want anymore and as pp said you are are unlikely to regret having a child.