Third baby at 38?

oops, only just seen this!! She is now 17. She is very difficult to deal with, but I still don't regret a thing. How are you doing?

What did you decide OP? How are you x

I know this thread is nearly a year old but I'm interested to know how things went for you Op?

I feel very similarly to you. I'm 36 with a 4.5 year old and a 20 month old. If we had another one, I would want to wait at least a year or so. Just because dc1 is starting school in September and I would like to have some time with just dc2.

I'm also an only child which has had a massive impact on my life. My side of the family consists of my parents and an uncle. Dh's family have moved away. So I would like a bigger family.

However I'm scared! Ttc again, going through pregnancy and birth, postnatal depression (I've had it twice). So it's weighing it all up.

I could have written this (except it’s DH who really really wants a third) and found the answers so helpful.
OP have you gone for it?

If you go with the assumption that the third won’t be close to the older two and things are a real pain for a few years and they might all hate each other as teens and adults, does that change anything? Do you want the fantasy or do you actually want to bring up three people regardless?

If you do then tbh I’d get on it as in the nicest way possible it won’t be a cert until it happens.
Maybe come off contraception and see if it’s meant to be?

I was 45 when we went for our third. I was afraid that I'd regret it all my life if we didn't. It's been tough at times, but OMG I don't regret one single second of it. DS now 18, DD 15. (we lost our first due to neonatal death) Never had any money and had to work hard to keep fit to keep up, but oh! what a fab time we've had (if we ignore all the usual hassles, grief etc). I just make sure my hair is dyed so I don't look too old, and just get on with it.

Had my third at 38 no regrets. 8 year gap to the eldest, again has not been a problem - rather a proper big brother. And until the youngest decided against a gap year no risk of two at uni at the same time. Realise that is a way off for op of course.

I had my third at 38 and had 18 months between the first two. Honestly, I don’t recommend, delightful as they are, it’s been very draining. All that annoying toddler stuff just feels like it’s been going on for ages. I often fell when we’re out how easy it would be with just the older two and not having a pre schooler fussing and being difficult. Holidays are more expensive; we have to get three bedrooms. I wanted three; I have three. Oddly I don’t encourage others.

I had my first and only via ICSI at 38; DH was 47. DS is now 22 and about to finish his Masters.

We have three - currently 24, 23 and 21, with the youngest about to finish uni. I had the youngest at 37. They've all had their separate groups of friends growing up, but get on very well with each other. Other posts have mentioned emotional support - they now get that from each other. I found it hardest going from one to 2. The third just had to slot in and I was much more relaxed about parenting by that time anyway. I took a break from working after the birth of no 2 until no 3 went to school. Financially, it was tough, but I now have three children who are still cheap to entertain. We camped a lot when they were younger - and they'll join us again for a big group camping weekend with friends in the summer. We then moved on to renting cottages, and Tesco vouchers have helped out a lot over the years. Most of the local families we spent time with have three children, so we've tended to support each other with lift sharing, baby-sitting, emotional support.

Putting three through university hasn't been cheap. They've taken out all the loans available, and we've topped them up. It's been a bit like having a second mortgage, especially for 3 of the 7 years where two were at uni at the same time, but now the youngest is about to finish, I've paid the last instalment on his accommodation and I'm now quids in! Since the youngest started school and I went back to work, my salary has been used to support the children. No idea what to spend it on now.

Can I suggest that you read this thread:
www.mumsnet.com/talk/higher_education/4532799-what-if-we-can-t-afford-to-support-dc
Also, consider how expensive teenagers are not just financially, but the emotional toll they take on you.

Don't have another OP.

I have a two year age gap. I had my kids when I was a similar age to you (33 and 35). I had a difficult pregnancy with DS2 and in all honesty that put me off for life.

My boys are 9 and 7 now. Life is good. We have money and time to spend on both boys equally. As soon as our youngest went to school, life became infinitly easier year after year (even with covid and home schooling!). I knew then that I could never go back to the baby stage of sleepless nights, nappies and no time energy or money for myself.

And the final reason why I will never have 3. Twins run in my family. It will be just my luck I plan on 3 and end up with 4. The chance of twins also increases with age.

Like you, after having a miscarriage I found myself obsessed with a third. Hormones do very odd things. I did have a third, and love them all dearly. However, my then husband, despite having initially wanted 3 or 4, found it all a bit much, especially as it became apparent that one of our DCs has additional needs.

Being now a single parent of 3, who don't all get along, is a lot. While I'd never want to hand one back (not even when they turn tooth brushing into a 15 minute epic!), I think that if you are able to be happy with 2, that is likely the sweet spot for most.

I had three, with a big gap between the first 2 and the last.
What I'd say is there is is it less connection between the oldest 2 and the last, which I regret. They are fond of each other but in different places in their lives. The older two are a team, the youngest more of an only child.
Good luck, whatever you decide.

I recently wrote a post about feeling guilty for regretting having a third. Honestly it’s hard, I have bigger age difference though 8,6 and18 months. I feel like I’m constantly missing out with one of time. Spend so much time stopping youngest from killing himself (he never stops) that older two are often just left to it. Also have to divide and conquer a lot, older two off to cinema for example with dad and I’m stuck with youngest. Recently went on holiday and honestly we would have had an amazing time without the youngest, just so tough all the stuff you have to cart everywhere, fussing at meal times, nightmare at bedtime etc. I wanted 3 and having 2 never felt complete and obviously I love him to bits and older kids are asking for another baby so I’m not failing completely but I’m shattered and feel like I can’t give quality time to all 3

Don’t assume that they will get on and be a gang.
And I agree with pp that some people are never done with having babies, but it doesn’t mean you should keep having them. Sometimes you have to tell yourself no.

I had Dc4 at 38 which gave us 4 under 4 (unplanned for), tired but just getting life back on track now at 41. However with dc3 I did find it hard going from 2 to 3 children. No family support and DH worked away at the time. It was ok house wise as we have a 3/4 bed and room to extend. Car had to be changed and I never went back to work, but opted to carry on with my OU degree part time. Dc1 and Dc2 despite being toddlers were a great help and took to their new sibling. However as they grew she was very much out of the gang as dc1&2 were and are very close. I will add though I had postnatal anxiety (quite bad) and postnatal depression (not as bad) diagnosed at 6 months. It was the only pregnancy that I suffered with it, so undoubtedly made life feel very hard and miserable but with help turned things around. I have my four dc now and so glad we went for dc3 and our unplanned for Dc4, wouldn’t change it for the world.

I liked the idea of having 3 but couldn't get past all the practical reasons not to. I am enjoying my two now they are older so much, holidays and days out are easy and fun (18m age gap) and the idea of going back to sleep deprivation and lugging buggies about just filled me with too much dread to outweigh the romantic notion of having a "gang".

Also I was the youngest of 3 with a 5/8 year gap between me and my older siblings and whilst we get on great now, I was quite lonely growing up at times.

I had mine at 36 and 39 but bear in mind there are increased chances of twins, Down syndrome and complications as you get older

We had our third and youngest at 37, after having our first at 21 and our second at 30. It's worked out perfectly for me, as I'm young enough to pursue a career, young enough to not be an embarrassment to her , and she has older siblings that she's super close with, who let me go off and do stuff, like weekends away with the girls, etc.