Finally stood up to my bullying mother

55 replies

JML001 · 16/04/2022 21:07

I'm 40 years old and have a mother who I'm finding more and more difficult to deal with. She has always belittled me and made sure I know she thinks my siblings are superior in every way. Well tonight I finally stood up to her.
She came to visit with my father and in the course of the evening was sneering at me and speaking to me in a mocking tone. In a calm manner I physically stood up and told her "Don't speak to me like that in my own home." She was shocked and immediately went into full huff mode. 2 minutes later she announced she was leaving without even speaking to my children, her grandchildren. On leaving I told her there was no need to leave on bad terms but she insisted on continuing to huff. I calmly said "you can't talk to people like that and just expect to get away with it." At which point she shouted at me that she has never belittled anyone and it's not HER that speaks to people in a hateful way.
I just feel like if I cant speak up for myself now I never will. I was calm and controlled. I can see her never visiting my house again just to 'punish' me and make a stand. Life is too short...

OP posts:

Neveranynamesleft · 16/04/2022 21:25

Life is definitely too short, well done you.
Nobody has the right to belittle you or make you feel uncomfortable, regardless of who they are.

Arlophinius · 16/04/2022 21:22

Sorry to make that last post all about me but you honestly made the best decision to stand up to her. People like that need to know when they're wrong, sadly they just make people like us feel like we can't say anything because they'll bat us straight back down into place.
It's all about them losing their control, they can't stand the thought.

Original poster

JML001 · 16/04/2022 21:22

Thanks so much for your reply! Both my husband and my father were here at the time and went totally silent. There's an old saying "no point in farting in the face of thunder" and I think its applicable here. She is NEVER in the wrong and I can only imagine the awful spin she will put on this. I'm going to be made out to be a monster to anyone who will listen.

OP posts:

Arlophinius · 16/04/2022 21:21

If she does, you're not missing anything.
Back in January I told my dad (when he asked what was wrong with me) that I didn't like my decisions not being respected or treated like a child with silent treatment/cocky sarcastic attitude if I did something she didn't agree with.
She read that message on my dad's phone and texted me to say I was no longer her daughter and if anything happens to them I'm not welcome.
Since then I've been so happy not having to consider her feelings above my own with my life choices. Although I'm now on a waiting list for therapy to talk about my childhood and how it affects my relationships now, especially since she's turned my whole family against me. I'm the bad person, she's done no wrong.
I wish they knew the things she said to me, but I've got some weird emotional obligation not to say anything bad about her, because she's my 'mum'.

Randomeggs56 · 16/04/2022 21:15

Sounds exactly like my mother and the best thing I ever did was go nc with her years ago. Good for you for staying calm and standing up for yourself, I know how difficult that can be

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