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Original poster

Regret having 3rd child

185 replies

Newusername3kidss · 11/04/2022 05:51

Have name changed as people know me on here. I know I am being unreasonable as children are a blessing and he was very much wanted but honestly if I could go back I wouldn’t have had a third. They are 8, 6 and 18 months and everything is just hard work because of the youngest.

Went on holiday last week and from the flight to every meal time to every painful bedtime all I kept thinking was we’d be having such a lovely time if it was just the 4 of us. My older boys are at thar brilliant stage where they are a bit independent but also want to spend time with me and I feel like I’m missing out so much as so much of my time and effort is spent with the youngest who just never stops. If someone out there has been in similar position please tell me it gets easier as I’m going under at the moment. We had such a great dynamic the 4 of us and I feel that rather than “completing” our family having a third has just messed it up.

OP posts:
Momijin · 11/04/2022 06:37

Argh op, having little ones isn't easy but it will get a lot easier very soon.

I have 4 and whilst I remember the first 2's baby/toddler years clearly, the youngest 2's are a blur of fire fighting. Now that they're older, I wish I had had more help to be able to have enjoyed them more.

Anyway, it will soon get easier :)

WalkerWalking · 11/04/2022 06:36

Do you have a partner? If so, tag team/divide and conquer. And make sure it's not always him taking the big ones out to do fun stuff, while you're always "stuck" with the little one.

It will of course get easier (and youngest kids tend to get more independent at a younger age when they've got older siblings to keep up with) but you're absolutely right about not putting your life on hold for another 12 months, and not missing out on your older ones right now.

Chikapu · 11/04/2022 06:33

@Chestnutpony

You are at a very hard stage. I find it seems less relentless once they are over 2 years of age.

My two are close to the age of your two. There should be a third the same age as yours, that we lost in the second trimester. I wish I was in your position!

I'm sorry for your loss but telling someone who's struggling that you wish you were in their position is really shitty and unkind. Do we all need to be eternally grateful because someone else has had a loss or doesn't have the things we have? That's not how things work.
Porcupineintherough · 11/04/2022 06:32

It's quite a common story I think (not that it helps if its happening to you). It will get easier soon, and then more difficult again as the older ones hit their teens. After that the gap will shrink and shrink.

Snorkello · 11/04/2022 06:30

Totally normal! There should be more warnings on having a third!!! It’s total carnage. No money, no time, house is always a mess.

My third is now 2! It’s so much better, I promise it won’t be long until you stop feeling this way. And 18m is the worst age to go on holiday, irrespective of how many you have. Trust me!

2 is suddenly great. They’re all playing together now. They look after each other. It’s so much fun, and (mostly) worth it. Grin

Sending hugs as it’s rubbish right now. Flowers

ImplementingTheDennisSystem · 11/04/2022 06:25

It was always going to be harder with 3 rather than 2. Surely you knew that!

BootsScootsAndToots · 11/04/2022 06:24

Bit of shit reply there @Chestnutpony 🙄

Yanbu if that's how you feel OP. A lots of us have pondered how life could have been different with different circumstances.

I have a 5 year age gap with mine which I go through periods of loving and hating. Think it's pretty normal when it all feels like a huge struggle to wonder what if 💐

Inyourhonor · 11/04/2022 06:24

I understand it OP.

I think the age gap is the reason. You had got past the baby years with your older two and then went back to the beginning again. I did the same and it was so hard going from that comfortable stage with older DS back to the baby stage.

My youngest is nearly 3 and is much better now.

ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp · 11/04/2022 06:07

Really sorry for your loss @Chestnutpony. 😔

However, it's not at all fair to say that to someone who is struggling. In fact, quite unkind.

Op, three does tip the balance and you sound like you're under the cosh rather.

Do you have any help at all?

Do your older two enjoy your 18 month old at all?

Chestnutpony · 11/04/2022 06:02

You are at a very hard stage. I find it seems less relentless once they are over 2 years of age.

My two are close to the age of your two. There should be a third the same age as yours, that we lost in the second trimester. I wish I was in your position!