Regret having 3rd child

I have 3 with not quite the same gaps between but the same span oldest to youngest - it is intense at that age/stage, we had some crazy holidays and difficult days out as it does curtail what the older ones can do. All I can say is it does get easier once youngest gets to around 4, ours are really good together now, it also improves when your older ones are independent enough to do some of the things they want to do without the rest of you tagging along such as cinema with friends.

At 18 months your youngest hasn't yet slotted into being part of 'us'. At the moment 'us' is you, DH and DCs 1&2. DC3 is an extra to 'us'.

It's a bit like having to take a random school friend everywhere with you. They are unpredictable, don't necessarily want the same food, need a different bedtime. The list goes on.

But the good thing is that they will get more predictable. They will soon become one of 'us'. This speeds up when they start to talk and make sense. As a PP said, as the youngest they do tend to get pulled along by older siblings. You will then have to remind yourself of the age gap from time to time.

It gets better.

I bet you’ve come back exhausted! As lots of posters have already said, it’s such a tricky age. I have only 2, but I realised yesterday at ages 6 & 8 now and a lone parent, life is actually EASY and I never thought I’d get out of the woods with the first, who was so tricky from 18m til about 4. And now she’s the most diligent, caring little soul. But I know it’s not about your kids’ personality so I am really digressing. I would bet that it will get easier and you’ll have unique advantages specific to the age range in a while. Hang in there x

Some very harsh responses here.

I think the shock is that there's a 6 year gap too... and OP is at a tiring stage.

Although I’m not 100% sure what went wrong with your holiday - couldn’t you divide and conquer a bit with your husband? One day you get to do the civilised activities and the next day he does/the other one gets to fight fires with the toddler? Or toddler just comes along to them and everyone accepts it’s carnage?

There’s not a lot than can be done, is there. The world is running out of resources, you were blessed with 2 children and you decided to “complete” your family. Did you consider the impact on your older children properly?

Agree with PPs that the age gap is the problem. I would try not to feel bad about finding it hard - there are usually plenty of baffling posts on MN where people discuss how much they dislike being mothers/regret having children despite having several, so you’re not alone.

Taking an 18mth baby on holiday is never much fun. I did that and it wasn’t a holiday. As everyone else says it will get better, next years holiday will be a lot easier and every year it will get better. You’ll have to have 1 parent do things with the older 2 and 1 parent stay with the younger one for a few years.

It's not so much the 3rd it's the age gap that appears to be the problem and yes I can see why you are struggling - I've never really understood why people who already have children continue to have more when the "last" one has such an age gap. There's nothing really can be done which is the toughest thing - you've just got to ride it out until your youngest is older and come to terms with your focus now being elsewhere

@shazzer1978 Errr having a child isn't like starting a new job!!!

I have three and whilst they are closer in age ( which has its own issues) , I am all about divide and conquer. Now my youngest is 3 and a half it is getting a bit easier. I do feel like my eldest misses out on me a lot sometimes. For instance I rarely go to watch him at football as I always have the other two so I am focusing on remedying that more this year and making my DH take the youngest more. In the school holidays I tend to put my little one in nursery the same days he would normally go and maybe an extra day so I can do stuff we wouldn’t normally be able to do with the older ones. I don’t feel guilty he gets me to himself loads in the week. I often get someone to babysit just the little one at the weekend too so we can do something fun like go see a show. I would avoid going abroad again till he was 4 though!

Just muddle on through, put up with it and it will get easier eventually once they are a bit older. Of course by that point, your 8 year old will be becoming a teenager, so even more nightmares coming up for you. Good luck.

Also holidays are always difficult with toddlers so it’s probably just made everything seem worse

I think it’s just the age of your third. Another year or two and it will be completely different. Hang in there!

I’ve two and the youngest is 18 months and it’s really hard. I didn’t remember it being this hard when the first was 18 months but not suspect it was

I think this about my fourth. My ex left when she was just two so I’ve had to raise them alone since that point. They are now 23, 21, 16 and 12 (nearly 13). I often think all the hard work could be done with if we had stopped at two or three. I find the school stuff tedious now as been doing it so long, for example. The children themselves aren’t hard work, it’s all the stuff associated with caring for them. Meal planning, school, etc.

I’m looking forward to them all being grown up now lol.

My third kind of slotted in. But my second was a maniac and I regretted going from 3 of us to 4!! Then it sorted itself out and I had a third child!!
Certain stages with little children are really tough and it’s good to be honest about how you feel. Toddlers are exhausting but things will sort themselves out.

Why on earth did you have a third? You know what it entails as a mother of two already. Remember going pony trekking with our two who were about same age of yours and there was another family there but they had a toddler third. Mum was running about faffing with toddler couldn’t even take part in the activity. Remember thinking god so glad we stopped at two. Sorry not helpful but it’s hard to understand your thought process as it’s a informed choice.

Every child is different and you never know how they will fit into your lives until they arrive. You also don’t know how your own mental health may be affected which can greatly change how you’re feeling day to day.

I know how you feel. My position was exacerbated when no 3 turned out to be twins and four feels like a lot. It does get easier, twins are now 7 and normal life for me has resumed. Is your Dh useful? Lots of divide and conquer so you get to spend quality time with everyone without being in constant crisis mode.

Kindly, was this not thought about before the decision was made to have a third? Surely it was obvious you'd have to start from the baby stage all over again whilst the older 2 became more independent.

We have three kids all very close in age so not the same situation. However when they write younger every trip out and every holiday and in fact every day just felt like we were “getting through” it rather than relaxing and enjoying it. 18 month olds are hard work. You can’t turn your back on them for a second and they have to have enough sleep or they’re horrible. It will get easier and you’ll be glad you had the little one when they’re all a bit older. I didn’t even really like my younger two until they were at school 😂