Regret having 3rd child

I have only two but with a gap of 4.5 years and I well remember how hard that was. If it is any consolation DC 2 has given me zero trouble from age 3 onwards.

Don't have another as suggested by PP:)

Agree 18 months is trickiest age for holiday

We did pretty good ones before that age then I remember it getting harder then as they run off a lot etc

Did warn you it’s an unpopular view!

Regardless of how many kids you have, taking an 18 month old on holiday is always going to be a flipping nightmare (I have made this mistake in the past!). Toddlers need routine, consistency and are, quite frankly, mini tyrants so tend to overshadow everything! I also have 3 and think things will be a lot better once they are all out of the baby and toddler stage (mine are a lot closer together than yours so it's even more carnage )

I have 3, ages 10, 7 and 3. Definitely finding that it is hard to choose the right activities that work across the age ranges, eg 10 and 7 are desperate to see the Sonic movie but 3 will never sit through it at the cinema. We do end up doing separate things so DH will take the older 2 somewhere and I will take the little one, and vice versa. We also keep DC3 in nursery during the school holidays (he's only in 2 days a week) so that DC1 and 2 can do activities that are not suitable for him.
Holidays with toddlers are always shit, aren't they. I've not attempted abroad since the oldest were 1 and 4 and it was such a waste of money. Not trying it again until youngest is 5.

As others have said. This was always going to be hard. Older kids paddleboarding / canoeing (insert any fun activity) while you are left sitting with "the baby" for the next 3+ years.

It isn't luck that people don't have big gaps or more than 2 dc - people weigh up these things and make a choice.

Given this you need to make sure that it isn't always you left with the baby so you dont miss out on all the fun stuff over the next few years and that your DH does his share. Setting that now will help lots.

Op hard to deal with, hope it improves and it’s not so hard

I found that my last child just tagged along behind. I was so busy running round to school and Rainbows/Cubs etc that the last had to just come along, and didn’t demand attention.

I have similar gaps. My older two are teenagers now who spend a lot of time in their rooms. It's lovely to have a younger one who chats and plays and holds my hand still. The older ones can baby sit the youngest if I want to go out. There are benefits! It will get easier. Embrace it and try not to wonder how it would have been with 2.

This was 100% why we stopped at 2. My friend had three and took me aside and seriously said “do NOT have another one”.
However, hers are older now and this early tricky time does of course pass and I believe things are a lot calmer now they’re older.

I wouldnt say the issue is a 3rd kid, its just the age gap OP.

I’m like this with my 2nd atm at time. My eldest is nearly 4 so we’re at a good stage where we can do things and have a semi enjoyable time but if we add in the 1 year old its chaos.

Eg leaving the house, with my eldest, we dress and go but with youngest I need to pack a hundred things.

Once littlest one gets a bit older, it will be much easier…all you can do is just get through it and remind yourself it won’t be like this forever and it will get easier.

It gets easier. Sometimes I used to think ugh y did I have a 3rd. There's 8 years between my 2nd and 3rd boys, but he's a total blessing. He's 5 now. Those toddler years are hard.

[quote PeakyBlinda]@shazzer1978 Errr having a child isn't like starting a new job!!![/quote]
Err having three kids I am aware of that. I’m just saying that things don’t always turn out how you expect or hope.

Sorry you’re going through a hard time, OP. It’ll get better, like it did with your older ones. Which is a good thing because you can’t return the baby …

Even when they are all reliable enough to walk around without having to hold hands I remember doing a lot of counting when on trips out.

DH leading the way and me at the back, herding. And counting: 12345, 12345, 1234 - shit I've lost one! Oh no, I'm 5!

Honestly, it gets better. It gets to be fun. My DCs are now in their 20s. We didn't plan 3. We got no.3 as proof that nothing is 100% reliable. She is coming to stay in a few days and I can't wait.

OP, not taking away anything from your post.

Rather than feeling down about your situation, look at ways to keep everyone happy within your capabilities. You can't change the fact that you have your youngest now so just think of different ways to do activities with your older boys individually. Split it with your DH. One weekend you can go places with them, next it could be you.

DH and I often divide and conquer so that the older boys don't miss out. He takes them away camping, or day trips and I stay at home with the younger ones and the dog.

This is why I had four DC. It meant no3 had company with a child of a similar age. My boys are 14 &11 and 6 & 4.

telling someone who's struggling that you wish you were in their position is really shitty and unkind.

I think it's your reply that's unkind

Chestnut sympathised with OP first, then mentioned her own situation. A second trimester loss is very difficult & she just made one reference to it. And sometimes we do need to be reminded of out good fortune.

Mine are 10, 7 and 2 and I completely understand the sentiment.
In response to all the people on here questioning our decision to have a third with such a large age gap: I HAD FORGOTTEN WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE A TODDLER!
OP, as the little one gets older, it gets much easier. I try to squeeze in time with just the older two where I can, for example picking the younger one up from nursery later so I can have a boardgame with them. There are also activities that all three enjoy, for example, going swimming or - weirdly - grocery shopping. The older ones often come to join story time too. And we all love baking together. The little one will be able to fit in with more activities as they get older. At 28 months, we even go to the cinema with the whole family. Hang in there!

OP first of all,it will get easier…I promise!
Same age gap when my 3rd was born .
Birth…failed epidural, felt incision for ELCS ,too much pain relief which crossed placenta so son on SCBU for two days !
Three weeks,aspiration pneumonia in PICU dot 4 days
Diagnosed with GERD
All the above led to regular hospital admission throughout baby/toddlerhood
Son was very stressy and tricky as a result of his medical problems.
Somehow we got through ,elder two just spent a lot of time at friends and grandmas .
Got the older two to play,read with baby ,so they felt more involved.
Now fast forward 20+ years ,growing up all three have been really close,all very different personalities and my son is a lovely,wise,funny,sporty and very sociable guy.
Off traveling once he finishes his economic degree and I can honestly say he is absolutely brilliant and is a huge asset to our family.
Hang on ….it will get easier.💐

There is nothing to be done except crack on with it. It will get easier eventually. The age gap is the problem and they should have thought about that. Too late now, so crack on and make the best of it. Accept different standards perhaps, and if there is a partner in the picture then work together to divide and conquer as others have said. They'll get through it.