Regret having 3rd child

I sympathise but yeah it’s all a bit predictable. Mine are 7 and 4 and we have been having the “should-we-shouldn’t-we” debate about a third for a while. We have decided not to because we like our dynamic and frankly I cannot go through the baby/toddler stage again.

Other than divide and conquer (which is a bit shit because family time is better) I’m not sure there is much advice to give except ride it out.

That's a really hard age gap. Theres 7 years between DS and DSS and it's really hard to find stuff that works for us all to do together.
Even sill things like going for a swim is tough because DSS is too big for the learner pool but DS isnt ready for the big pool.

It will be the age gap mien are near 13, 10 and 6 and I do remember a particular holiday when nothing seemed to quite fit. Everything was far too old for the youngest but not old enough for her oldest. So we stuck with going to the beach and making sand castles. We are easy food and it passed eventually.

Why do people think it's helpful to say " you should have thought about it before having another" by my experience all kids/baby's are different and each child brings a new dynamic to the family that you don't know beforehand. I had 3 under 5 and the 3rd although an amazing baby, brought a whole new dynamic to our family. But as DC3 got to about 3 it all started fitting in place and got a lot easier.

I think recognition that little one is taking up too much time is a big part. Don’t always prioritise little one eg don’t by default have him as you are mum. Dad can and spend time with older 2. Accept any help eg grandparents. If little one is in nursery have no qualms about sometimes sending him in school hols and have a nice day out with older 2 eg a museum little one wouldn’t appreciate.

My sister regretted having a third so much that she demanded that her H get the snip. That was about when her DC were 1, 4 and 6 yrs old. Once over the hump of baby/toddler stage, she was much happier and loves all of them to bits.

It does get better. We got better especially at managing expectations (of the DCs and of our own). It got better with practice.

If a trip out went well, nobody got lost, nobody had a tantrum then as we arrived home we would say 'well done everyone ' and mean it. In fact we still do that now they are adults but it is a joke now!

I have 3 with two years between each and it was brutal. Much easier when youngest started school - though I never believed anyone when they said this. Even nursery was easier. 18 months is soo hard. They are not babies in arms to be transported but stroppy time sucking toddler. Luckily enough your older ones are still young enough to love soft play, zoo etc and you can pop toddler in pram.

I understand lol

Hi OP - I think some of the replies on here are very harsh!
I am in same situation, my older two are 7 and 5 and an 18 month old. I have similar thoughts too sometimes, I look at friends who stuck at 2 and it seems simpler. Divide and conquer still means it's hard to get that one on one time with the older ones. But I couldn't say I regret it yet, she does complete the family and they love her to bits and a toddler is great entertainment for the older ones, they find everything hilarious that she does because it's always wrong. As always with parenting, I think it will get easier and I'm sure there will be a time when it all clicks into place. Stick in there!

I have been there. Mine are now 18, 16 and 8. I found the older two were willing to do "kid" things, eg splash parks, city zoos, activities at museums for much longer than they would otherwise have done. It meant I was still having lovely family days when my friends with kids that were the ages of the older two couldn't get them to go anywhere with them.

18 months is bloody hard work. Hang in there.

Well it's pretty pointless to start asking the op about her choices...her child is here now. There's nothing you can do...except grit your teeth and get through these early years. 18 months is one of the worst ages imo. Things will get better

Hmm I could understand your struggle if you were single, but presumably you had a partner there with you on holiday, so he could have taken turns looking after the youngest to allow you some quality time with the older two, couldn’t he?

It gets better OP. Mine were 11 and 8 when my third came along. Littlest is currently 2 and a half and an absolute terror so we're not going on holiday this year as it just won't be relaxing.
It's just the age - toddlerdom is relentless. But I still have no regrets - it's wonderful to see the big siblings stepping up to look after the little one - my 10 year old is amazing with the baby. I love the little person my baby is becoming and he wasn't a little baby for long (walking confidently at 8 months and has been on the go ever since). Yes it's exhausting and things would be easier and more affordable without baby 3 but he has brought so much joy to the family.
YANBU to feel that way as you're in the thick of it, but it really will get better soon. Your feelings are valid and perfectly normal and one day you will look back and think gosh that was hard but I'm so glad we did it.

I so get where you’re coming from. I have similar age gaps and get slightly panicky “what I have done” feelings than I never had with the first two. The housework and laundry feels immense. Taking the kids to their football is so much more difficult, as are holidays, DC3 is in full on tantrum stage so even days out can be difficult. In a way the timing of the pandemic was a good timing as with all the restrictions, the full impact of 3 didn’t properly hit! But you can’t put them back, all we can do is change our mindset, look at the positives. DC3 is a better sleeper than DC2 was. DC2 and DC3 are easier together than DC1 and DC2 were at that stage. DC2’s birthday is coming up soon, it feels nice that I have a DC3 coming up behind so it wont be the last time I have a DC that age (one of my favourite ages). And they adore each other, they’re a proper little gang. I’m hoping it will get a bit easier when DC3 is 3!

OP, you’re finding it hard because it is hard. Hang on in there. There will come a point when your littlest is a bit bigger when you look at them together and think, “ah, I’m so pleased we had three”.

Hi OP, I wonder if it's the activities you're doing that might need adjusting, or your expectations? I personally wouldn't take an 18 month old on holiday abroad, I know there are loads of people who do it but I think i'd find it too stressful, but can imagine 8 and 6 year olds are much more fun. Im not suggesting you holiday abroad separately but can you tag team with your partner sometimes so one of you does something fun with the older 2 and the other looks after the little one and then you can do age appropriate activities?

I only have 2 so I can't relate but I remember for the first year DS2 just slotted in fine then it got harder as he became a toddler and I found myself often not giving enough attention to DS1 as a result, they are 7 and 4 now so I am coming out of the woods. But for a time I used to find it difficult as they were at such different stages and the younger one has to be supervised at all times (my 4 year old also has hypermobility so needed watching a bit more so he didn't hurt himself)

Yes! I’m in exactly the same position and the youngest is such hard work! He’s 20 months and spends most days screaming, wrecking his older siblings play, making a mess or trying to involve himself in dangerous situations… from running across a car park to jumping in the duck pond. I’m constantly on high alert and it’s really affecting my mental health at the moment. I feel like I’m on the verge of depression with it all. I really hope things improve over the next year. Obviously I love him and he’s the cutest, cuddliest little ball of swishy fun but I often pine for ‘the old days’. No advice just solidarity!

Well, some of the answers on this thread won't be helping OP, that's for sure!

She didn't ask whether it would be a good idea to have a 3rd child. She already has one

OP, I am one of three. At times, my parents probably felt like you, but we weren't aware of it. As an adult, it's great to have siblings