Regret having 3rd child

I have two children at the moment... this thread has made me realise I definitely don't want three!!

For someone expecting their third in less than two months - this thread is terrifying.

Don’t worry. I found having my 1st and 2nd a bigger shock/adjustment than having my 3rd. I’m sure you’ll baby will slot in just fine.

Is there anything enjoyable about having an 18 month old?! No matter what position they are in the family they can be an absolute nightmare You're nearly there, you're nearly out of the trenches. Once that baby is out of nappies you'll rediscover that freedom. Try to make time for the older ones one on one or just time without the baby, being 8 and 6 sometimes they'll just want to do "big kid" things with Mum/Dad. You're a good Mum by the sounds of it, it really is this hard!

@imhereforthecake Why would you experience similar to op, you might well not. I haven't. I'm more relaxed as a mum of 3, I can't be everywhere, do everything so prioritise and make sure each kid gets one on one time through the course of the week. I don't overload the kids schedules, so I'm not doing lots of pick ups or drop offs. It's easier if you have a partner who shares the parenting of course but you need to be realistic about it too.

I have three at ages 6, 4 and 22 months and I completely understand how frazzled and chaotic it can feel at times OP. I have seen so much difference in the last few months with my youngest at just a little bit older than your youngest OP - she listens more and understands more and can play better with my 4 year old so it's not always up to me to entertain her. Hang on in there - it will get easier in many ways very soon, and I've seen this age is one of the toughest with three children in other families I know. Once the youngest is growing more and more independent, it becomes easier to manage trips out I've been assured! Could you have the odd trip out with your two eldest while someone looks after your youngest so as to have a bit of time doing things at their level and stage? I've tried this a few times and my elder two enjoy the faster pace we can go and not having to hold back so much for the youngest.

What did you think was going to happen? You've gone back to the baby stage again so yes that requires lots of energy and baby demands a lot of your time, that's normal. I don't doubt it's harder to go on holiday with a toddler as there's more to think about, plan and take with you but again that is normal. My third just slots into the older twos routine but she's an easygoing baby (7 months) and I appreciate it's harder if baby isn't or you don't have much support. You sound like you didn't think 3 kids through properly. It will get easier as the toddler gets older but that can be hard to see when you're in the thick of it. Don't see that there is anything else you can do mum muddle through the toddler phase and then enjoy it more when you come out of the other side.

For someone expecting their third in less than two months - this thread is terrifying.

[quote Chestnutpony]@Aproperstinging It's not about guilt. It's a really hard age in a hard situation. I was suggesting a bit of thankful mindfulness, as while it won't make it easy, I find it can help sometimes.[/quote]
That's not remotely what your post said. You shared something truly dreadful that happened to you which was bound to make the op feel even worse for finding her life hard. Grim

Sympathy to you op, it sounds tough. It will get easier - 18 months is a challenging age!

Hi OP I have 3 and it is hard work. The pandemic has made it so much harder having a baby or toddler too and thrown in difficulties unless you have a toddler and school age kids you can’t imagine, I have a 10 year old, 5.5 year old and a 2 year old. My youngest is 2 years 8 months and things are now getting easier. He still needs lots of supervision but I always found 18 months the hardest stage. Suddenly he will sit and play with his older siblings happily in the living room while I clean the kitchen, he can go into our fully enclosed locked garden without me having to hold his hand and just play. He can eat independently and drink from a cup well. He is potty trained. I just feel like I can breathe.

It does get easier i promise but right now you are at the difficult stage. If you can afford it try get your little one into a childminder or nursery one day a week. This has made a huge difference to me mentally. Also try not to plan things that toddlers get easily bored at. Family meals in restaurants are not fun with 3 kids including a toddler order a pizza instead, go to a park and let them run around and tire themselves out, get out of everyday, put them in the garden with lunch to play and get your little one tired out. Get him to toddler groups when you can.

It is the age. 18 months is so tiring. And because you have older ones you know how much easier that is, so it must feel like a real shock to go back to toddler chaos. But it will get easier. The age gaps are not that big at all and you will have wonderful family holidays again, as a family of 5.

Chestnutpony
You are at a very hard stage. I find it seems less relentless once they are over 2 years of age.

My two are close to the age of your two. There should be a third the same age as yours, that we lost in the second trimester. I wish I was in your position!
Yes, op, you should feel guilty for finding it difficult as well as everything else. That's really helpful.

Harsh.

@Aproperstinging It's not about guilt. It's a really hard age in a hard situation. I was suggesting a bit of thankful mindfulness, as while it won't make it easy, I find it can help sometimes.

I also don't understand that AAAAGE GAPPP!!!! stuff on this thread. 4.5 years is not much of a gap, seriously. Loads of people I know have similar gaps and don't even think of it as a gap--it's just a space between kids.

Are people actually doing the maths or are they just kinda going "Oh, there's an 8yo in this family and a baby. That's an eight year age gap!"?

Life is so hard for everyone right now. Best not to kick a person who is down and be smug about sticking to two.

These threads always attract the usual posters who think it's clever to smugly say "why did you have 3? so glad I only had one/two!" not realising how small-minded it makes them sound. The lack of critical thinking is embarrassing.

Also why are people going on about the age gap? If OP's oldest 2 are 8 and 6, then the age gaps are 6.5 and 4.5 years. 4.5 years really isn't a big age gap!

OP 18 months is a terrible age for most toddlers. I remember DC1 at that age and it was a nightmare with just one! It'll get better, all you need is time (and some help!)
I would also stop the thoughts about not having DC3. They're pointless and will just make things worse.

It's a bit of a shit age, OP. They don't like anything, everything throws them off balance, changes in schedule cause tears and tantrums.

A couple of years from now and it will all feel different.

I have 3 - they’re now 9, 7 and 5.

The difference from 2 to 3 is massive. It’s not like adding another child, it’s like adding lots of other children. It’s exponential chaos. It shouldn’t be, but it is.

I feel I’m just emerging from the chaos but solidarity with you @Newusername3kidss. I love my 3rd to bits and he completes our family in a way it wasn’t before. But if I knew 6 years ago what I know now I would have stopped at 2.

It DOES get less bonkers though

Plus 3 is fab, 2 was just too boring for me, and I had them all by the age of 26.

I think it’s possibly because of the gap? Not necessarily because you had 3. I had 3 kids close together. My youngest is now 6, so the thought of a 4th is pretty horrifying.

You had two close in age so you got into a rhythm and they came a bit more independent. My sister had 1, then a gap, then had similar thoughts about the second ruining the balance.

Having said that some people love the age gaps but personally I would be feeling how you currently feel now.

I guess it will get easier in time 💐.

I've heard this a lot about a third child. I guess it's also tough because, assuming two present parents, you're now outnumbered!

Everyone does seem to get past it though.

Yes its a phase it will improve (I have 4) though there will always be that age gap which you didn't have the first 2....and the dynamics are going to change with the 9 year old anyway. Think it just constantly evolves and changes and this is just one holiday don't worry...it will improve!