AIBU to ask your most ridiculous PFB moment...

Ok here’s mine.

We adopted DD at 8 months old. I was absolutely besotted and still want to cry a bit when I think about it. She had been in foster care since she was born and had been quite neglected there - spent most of her time strapped into a rocker. I became OBSESSED with the fact that she hadn’t done any tummy time and tried to get her to do some but she absolutely hated it. Cried and was really bored and fed up.

So I bought some animal slippers and tap danced in front of her in our living room to entertain her during tummy time.

When I look back at myself

I love this thread!

I don't recall doing anything crazy with either of mine but I do remember thinking I'd broken my first when he just would not stop crying for hours one night, then he did a massive burp then promptly fell asleep!!

And the first banana poo had me thinking something was seriously wrong til I phoned my dad who was very reassuring!

I now warn new mothers about wind and banana poo, they should know!!

My friend, an only child from a small family had not been around babies very much.

She had her first and was awake in the hospital crying because she didn't even know how to change a nappy. I'm sure her lovely mum would show her when she arrived in the morning but having just given birth she wasn't feeling rational and the baby had a dirty nappy and she didn't know what she was supposed to do.

Lovely midwife came to see what was wrong and since it was quiet and baby was awake, she took friend to show her how to clean the dirty nappy, and then how to bath the baby and put on a clean nappy and just some general baby care.

Some months later friend's mother popped in in the afternoon and friend had baby in the bath, her mother casually asked "oh did you not say that you were giving him one this morning?" To which the friend replied that he'd had a dirty nappy so therefore needed another bath....

Turns out she'd taken in that since the midwife had shown her how to bath the baby, he needed a bath after every dirty nappy - even if that was 4 times a day....

@Hoppinggreen I always remember this about you and the layers

Lovely stories here.

When my DD was about 6 months old she was wearing socks, obviously took one off herself but I couldn’t find it anywhere, I honestly thought she’d swallowed it, I was considering taking her to A&E! As if she would swallow a whole sock and without me knowing as well

I bought a book called ‘How to talk to your baby’ before she was even born and for he first three years of her life devised lesson plans from it to widen her vocabulary. I enjoyed doing it though!

I had an ap to record feeds, sleep and nappies. Breast feeds were timed with a stop watch so I could enter the time to the second. Bottle feeds were measured into a jug that had 1 ml increments. Any not drunk was measured so that I could record exact amounts. Nappies we're recorded both time and contents, and then I discovered you could upload photos so somewhere on the internet there are hundreds of pictures of my daughters shitty nappies with descriptions of texture. Lasted for about 8 months before I finally calmed down enough to stop.

I have just taken her to a settling in hour and nursery and on picking her up announced to my mum that she hates it, she's traumatised and the other babies are obviously bullying her so she won't be going back. All because she had a little cry when I left her so there's obviously plenty of PFB left in me.

My PFB was a very good sleeper. At 5 months he was sleeping through the night and having two good naps in the day. I had two friends with babies the same age, who were terrible sleepers. My friends were a lot kinder than I deserved when I worried aloud to them that I was afraid there was something wrong because PFB slept so much . (In my defence, I had read that a sign of leukaemia was being tired.) Anyway, I got my comeuppance with my second DC.

My first night in hospital I refused to sleep because id convinced myself that my ds was the most beautiful baby ever born that one of the other mums on the ward would swap babies why I slept
Id have to place my hand on his tummy whilst he slept to be sure he was breathing correctly. My fil asked me once what I was doing and when I explained he looked at me horrified.
I also insisted that my ds would only ever play with a certain type of wooden toys. It was forbidden that he’d play with “toxic plastic tat” 🤣 jokes on me, 4 years later my house is full of plastic tat!
I look back and cringe at myself.

I took my PFB to the doctors because her bum crack was really long.

Eldest Child had audio books from before birth. Lots of classical music and learn French, Spanish cds on loop in her room all
Night. I thought it would help educate her 😜no tv until 5 was my mantra.

She was badly car sick every time on the car we went anywhere and screamed constantly.

My friend a primary DH suggested he lend me a DVD player and just see if it helped. I consulted a consultant (doctor) over if it would be brain damaging or stunt developments how they kept a straight face I won’t ever know. Oh sweet mother of rabbits - how ridiculous! My friend said ‘she’s screaming and vomiting in the back of a car - how much educational value is there in that’ - he plonked baby Einstein on dvd and she was silent and happy. I then pre watched bloody baby Einstein on dvd so I could discuss them with a …..2 year old! Ffs. I refused to let her watch Disney and she had to watch educational films or Sesame Street for educational value and only in the car.

Thankfully she has suffered no lasting effects - youngest was allowed Peter rabbit and scooby doo from a young age and doesn’t have to listen to Spanish cds on loops 🤪😂

I did have an abusive childhood and I was trying to break patterns just a massive bit OTT about giving her the best life I could.

Mine is so embarrassing... As I was preparing to leave labour ward, I was told by a MW that my husband was 'causing a commotion' in reception. Convinced they had the wrong husband, I questioned what the hell was going on. Transpires it was because I'd told him baby and I could only leave with baby safely strapped into the car seat. Without realising ours was fixed and the seat didn't detach (bought 2 days beforehand, and yeah, PFB mum who didn't know these things). My husband was so frantic that he'd never get to see us again (in his defence, it was during Covid), he'd disengaged all logic, and dismantled and dragged the whole (10kgs??) thing, pole and all, through the hospital into labour ward.
Throughout pregnancy, the thought of that moment your proud husband carries baby out of the hospital in the car seat had kept me going. Instead, I wheeled my baby out in a plastic tub, accompanied by a very unimpressed MW, whilst shamefaced husband swiftly reassembled the seat 🤦 I dread to think what they said about us afterwards!

When DC1 was a newborn we were out somewhere for the afternoon and I changed her nappy every half an hour, to the point where we ran out of nappies and had to bring her home without one on because I'd put the one she had been wearing into the nappy bin already

This wasn't me but a friend. We met in a pub for some lunch and her DC was about 2 months old and asleep in the car seat attached to the pram. She set a timer on her phone so she could take him out of the seat after however long was recommended at the time that a young baby can stay in a car seat.

I'm a lot more relaxed with DC2!

Definitely the night that he slept through at about 6 weeks old - only he didn't, because I decided I should wake him for a feed. How silly, I thought the next day - I won't do that again!

Reader, he did not sleep through again until he turned 1

PFB Is 37 now. I used to feel guilty that he wasn’t getting enough stimulation so if he eke at night I’d go play and read to him. Worse than that, I’d sometimes pop him in the buggy and walk him round the block at four in the morning to demonstrate the difference between night and day.
None of the other three had nighttime walks and yet they know the difference!

Oh these have made me laugh so much.

I used to hate it when people would hold my babies hand ( still find it weird someone would do this) as baby would then suck them, so once they left I would wash my babies hands!

All visitors were made to stand in the hallway silently whilst ds was feeding incase they distracted him (why I didn't just move to another room if I was so bothered I don't know).
When ds was around 3yo I bought a world map for his room that had stickers to stick on the different countries flags.
I proceeded to take this map into nursery and tell his teacher that ds now knew all the flags of the world and could identify any flag and match it to the country on the map. I then stood ds in front of the congregated nursery staff who were looking aghast and tried to get him to demonstrate his skill. DS just stood silently looking at me as I pointed to France, holding the french flag in my hand.
Nursery teacher gently coaxed him over to the water play trough with a pal whilst I stood there with my map.

I actually made a video montage of the initial two weeks of ‘first tastes’ veg led weaning AND SHARED IT WITH PEOPLE AS IF THEY’D CARE. Getting on for 2 now and the list of food she will no longer tolerate in her presence let alone put in her mouth gets longer every day, so I’m definitely getting my comeuppance there!

I stumbled on a folder of videos I made of my PFB the other day. Carefully chosen soundtracks, absolutely cringeworthy titles, and subject matter of 'first ever raspberry eaten' 'first hat with a bobble' type of thing. One of them, and I'm not even kidding, is a film of the baby sitting in his bouncy chair watching the washing machine go round.

Bad enough I made them, I shared these on social media and sent these bloody films to all the relatives with great pride. They were all very kind at the time.

There's very little footage of the second kid.

I walked backwards pulling DS in his pram behind me the entire way home from the park once (about a 15 min walk) so the sun wasn’t shining in his eyes.
I must’ve looked like a right twat