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Original poster

AIBU to ask your most ridiculous PFB moment...

333 replies

OgdensGoneNutFlake · 07/04/2022 20:05

Inspired by the "first ice cream" thread, I wondered whether anyone had any embarrassingly Precious First Born tales of their own?

None of mine are particularly memorable at this moment, but essentially my second born has had a lot more chocolate, late nights, gopping nappies and soil-eating than my little angelic PFB ever did (and he's altogether happier for it!)

OP posts:
FrightorFlight · 07/04/2022 23:07

@Strokethefurrywall

I was far more relaxed with DS1 than I was with DS2. My maternal instinct to keep him close was totally primal and overwhelming. The day we brought him home my friend was over for a cuddle and when she left he smelt like her perfume. I burst into tears and had to give him a bath.

That was probably the most PFB thing I did, I was pretty relaxed about everything else.

I happened to bump into my next door neighbour when her baby was a week old. She invited me in and as she went to pass the baby to me I spun my t-shirt around so it was back to front just in case I had put perfume on the t-shirt. If I go to see a new baby I purposefully don't wear scent because I hated it when my babies smelt like not me!
AnyCakeButBattenburg · 07/04/2022 23:06

With my 1st baby, we put the heating on when we came home from hospital with him, so that he'd be warm enough - it was July.

mscynical · 07/04/2022 23:06

Second day out of hospital with first born and health visitor came round to check on us. I asked her when I would be able to take baby out in the pram. She asked why I was asking that as I could take baby out now if I wanted. I replied 'I am worried she will get mange as you can't take puppies out when they are so young'
Am blushing even writing this out and it was over 25 years ago Blush
Do humans even get mange? Why did I ask that? Bet she had a right laugh back in the office with the other HVs.

justjuggling · 07/04/2022 23:05

I kept a diary FOR SIX MONTHS of my PFB’s every feed and every poo. Was pretty detailed too, including shade/consistency of poo. It seemed really sensible at the time!

tillytoodles1 · 07/04/2022 23:03

At my pfb's 1st birthday party, all the kids had the usual party food, but he was in his highchair with everything sterilised and I fed him baby food and water.

Hamilfan · 07/04/2022 22:59

I've said this before under a different username (my pFB is now nearly 17!) however, when he was about 6 weeks old or so he was sitting in his little bouncer chair, and I put a little plastic fish rattle in his tiny fist to get some sensory play.

Obviously, he flapped his arms about and bashed himself on the head with it and started crying. Fair enough, was a shock to him and understandable.

What wasn't understandable was the horror DH and I felt at the thought of our poor PFB bashing his own skull in with a baby toy, and we actually TOOK IT IN TURNS to hit ourselves Over the head with the rattle to see how sore it was and whether we needed to call an ambulance Blush

I thank god every day that we didn't actually phone 999

GrandTheftWalrus · 07/04/2022 22:53

I remember reading one on a thread here that a parent squirted "no more tears" shampoo into their own eyes to make sure it was no more tears lol.

I also remember when my 1st born threw herself out her cot I was panicking etc that she'd broken something and got dh to lower the cot immediately etc. My 2nd born done it as well but we heard the thud and her crying so I went upstairs and it was just "yep she's out her cot"

2ndMrsdeWinter · 07/04/2022 22:52

Shouted at the midwife “get that hat off my baby, it doesn’t match her baby grow” when they plonked a peach knitted hat on her head as soon as she left my womb. Mortified Blush

Salome61 · 07/04/2022 22:46

Just about to leave hospital and sent my husband to Boots to buy baby bottles of water :( Midwife nearly pee'd herself laughing.

drspouse · 07/04/2022 22:42

I didn't let PFB have cake but bought him a scone at a coffee morning and said "here's your cake". He was old enough (must have been just 2) to understand when a friend's MIL said "that's not cake!" and I looked daggers at her.

CuddlyCactus · 07/04/2022 22:40

@Hoppinggreen

I have told this story on here before and other people have mentioned it as well. I had read that in order to make sure your baby was warm enough when you went out but not too hot they should be wearing one more layer than you. I got us both ready to go for a walk and realised we were wearing the amount of layer so I did the obvious thing. I took off one of my layers - made perfect sense at the time!!

Oh that made me laugh @Hoppinggreen
Pure baby brain!

Charl881 · 07/04/2022 22:38

Took my PFB to the docs as I was convinced he his soft spot on his head was large and not closing. Cried on the phone to them. Even joined a Facebook group for support for parents whose kids do have said condition before I saw the GP.

GP informed me my DS just had a wonky head and that once his hair grew it wouldn’t be an issue.

I have so many photos of his ‘soft spot’/ wonky head 😂

Nomorefuckstogive · 07/04/2022 22:31

Woke DD to feed her. Bonkers.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 07/04/2022 22:26

@Bdhntbis

I hated our family members jiggling (in a perfectly normal way) our DD so much that DH and I told them that the hospital had said they shouldn’t do it as it was bad for her head and brain; it was only after my second DC when they mentioned how worried they were about damaging his brain that I realised how precious I’d been. Also they used to talk about “nursing” our DC which they actually meant cuddling/settling them and I always wanted to shout “I’m the only one here who can nurse” luckily I never actually did
I remember my MIL used to say “let me have a nurse" and I'd get a rush of grossed out annoyance.
Snaketime · 07/04/2022 22:26

I obsessed about weaning, went to 2 different weaning classes, bought 3 different weaning books and made my own purees, tbf this was mainly because I am an extremely fussy eater and didn't want my DD to turn out like me and I did make my own purees for my DS too until he discovered baby led weaning and would not let anyone out a spoon near his mouth.
On my DD's 1st birthday she had a specially made cake with her picture on and had a party with all the family, my DS is 4 gets store bought cake and hasn't had a birthday party (mainly because of COVID and mainly because I can't afford to throw one).
I'm sure a lot of people think I am very PFB even now (she is 7) as I hover around her all the time, don't like her running down hill and don't let her (or my DS) go too far out of my sight, but my DD has dyspraxia, hypermobility and her feet turn inwards so she is incredibly clumsy and can fall over thin air, she is also very impulsive, the 1 time I did take my eyes off her at the park and just let her play (as all the other mums were doing) she left the park which is right next to a main road and I couldn't find her for a good 10 minutes, it was the longest 10 minutes of my life.

Worriedmum40284 · 07/04/2022 22:24

I accidentally dropped my phone on baby's head whilst he slept on me. Don't think he even woke up but I was so worried I'd hurt him or knocked him unconscious whilst he slept so I repeatedly dropped the phone on my own head, from different heights and in different spots to check the damage and how much it hurt Blush Rest assured he's 5 now and no damage was done!

tiddlywinks2 · 07/04/2022 22:23

I've so many Blush

I would always walk the long way so I didn't have to take DS on a bumpy pavement, I would avoid kerbs that were not drop down curbs etc, didn't want DS being rocked or bumped in his pram!

Made sure the car windows in the back had 3 sun shades on it, two over the door and one usual one duct taped to the window, I was worried he'd get sunburn.

I wouldn't put him down at all. He would stay in a sling all day around the house.

I do think I was far more protective because I'd lost my first born. But I was still OTT. I look back with so much embarrassment now Grin

mumofEandE · 07/04/2022 22:23

Wouldn't take DS down the freezer aisle of the supermarket in case it was too cold for him (whilst wrapped up in his pram)
Deranged!

AliasGrape · 07/04/2022 22:17

I remember reading one of the other PFN threads when DD was about 6 months or something and getting upset/ worrying I wasn’t a good enough mum because Id never thought to squirt shampoo in my own eye or get under the pram rain cover to check it really was waterproof so clearly wasn’t PFB enough.

Which now I’m a little bit out of the fog I can see is a whole PFB moment all of its own.

I definitely remember feeling sorry for the other mums that their babies were all slightly rubbish compared to mine.

And I know I was slightly smug (only every inwardly) at how I’d got weaning right and my baby ate so well including a wide range of vegetables. I actually made a video montage of the initial two weeks of ‘first tastes’ veg led weaning AND SHARED IT WITH PEOPLE AS IF THEY’D CARE. Getting on for 2 now and the list of food she will no longer tolerate in her presence let alone put in her mouth gets longer every day, so I’m definitely getting my comeuppance there!

SouperNoodle · 07/04/2022 22:16

Just remembered one.
PFB had just learned to sit up and fell to the side and bumped her face. I saw a bit of blood and started screaming (literally screaming) at DH to ring an ambulance. I was absolutely hysterical.
DH ushered me out the room to calm down while he looked at DD and it turned out that she'd slightly grazed her lip on her tooth. 🙈 I sobbed for about 2 hours before calming down.

Apatosaurus20 · 07/04/2022 22:14

@Hoppinggreen
😂😂😂😂

gamerchick · 07/04/2022 22:14

@crumpet

There was a very good thread about this years ago, which might be in classics. One which I remember was a poster who did a practice flight from somewhere like London to Manchester in advance of PFB’s first holiday 😄
Heh we're doing that with my ASD teen to see if he can cope with planes. It's a solid plan imo Grin
Apatosaurus20 · 07/04/2022 22:12

@Calmestofallthechickens
😂😂😂 this made me chuckle out loud

Enidcat5 · 07/04/2022 22:10

So many.

I made a version of tinned baked beans from scratch and felt very proud. He totally refused it.

I didn't have my phone in evenings for months after my son was born because I 'had' to leave it in his crib with the white noise app playing.

I thought I'd rocked my baby too hard once so I reenacted the rock to my mum using a Teddy bear to check whether I should be concerned (it was fine)

SpringLobelia · 07/04/2022 22:07

@Peepo80

Peeled grapes when weaning. Used breathing monitors until they were about 3!!!

Still check that the 12 year old is still breathing before I go to bed Blush

aaaah yes. I have mild insomnia and like to stand at the door of the bedroom and listen out for mine (12 and 10) breathing. Just need to know all is right and well.
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