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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MiL gave baby first ice cream

703 replies

maloney123 · 06/04/2022 23:48

Please let me preface this post by acknowledging that my in laws look after our baby once a week and I’m hugely grateful to them for this. They were desperate to be grandparents (this is their first grandchild) so the arrangement suits us both as they get time with the baby and I get time to catch up on laundry, cleaning etc (I am still on mat leave).

Today my MIL gave our baby her first taste of ice cream (DD is 9 months). I’m not so bothered about the sweet aspect (although we’re not giving her sweets, juice etc as yet) but I feel upset that we didn’t get to give her her first ice cream. I feel like this is a cute milestone moment for a baby and instead of being there I had my MIL describing to me how my daughter reacted to the taste. Previously she has also tried BLW my baby one day after we started weaning her which I was livid about, so we’ve already spoken to her and asked her not to give her new foods without checking in first.

I don’t mind MIL giving “normal” foods but I do feel like something like baby’s first ice cream is a bit special and I feel annoyed and upset that she took this moment away unnecessarily. I don’t think I’m going to say anything about it as I don’t want to appear ungrateful so I guess I’m just venting, feel free to tell me YABU!!

OP posts:
ancientgran · 07/04/2022 10:51

@JudgeJ

I didn’t say that it is a thing? I just explained that it’s a thing to me? Why are people on here so needlessly aggressive grin I’m just saying I wanted to see my first baby’s little face when she had her first “treat” food, im not inventing ice cream as a thing! Give your own head a wobble

The aggression seems to be coming from you when people are not falling over themselves to agree with you. How very dare they!
Just for clarification, did the awful grandmother give her a taste from a spoon, a quick lick or the full monty, a 99 with a massive flake?
Trust me, in 5 years time you'll think back on this and cringe, I know I did after child 1!

Oh you got me at the 99 with a massive flake.

If I didn't feel so ill I think I'd pop down to the local beach (only a mile away) and get one. Actually I'm tempted to do it anyway but not sure I should be driving.

JamSandwich89 · 07/04/2022 10:47

The bit I don't get is 'she took this moment away unnecessarily'. If you hadn't told her you were particularly concerned about the first ice-cream, how was she to know? If you're not bothered about the sugar/other ingredients then, as far as I can see, the only person to reasonably be annoyed at is yourself for not telling MIL about the desired ice-cream first. Maybe an idea to give her a list of firsts you want to have? And, if the baby does start walking or talking with MIL, do you want her to tell you?

BrokenNHS · 07/04/2022 10:45

@maloney123

Let me rephrase I guess…she’s only had plain / sensible foods so far on her weaning journey. The sweetest thing she’s had is fruit. For me ice cream is different to avocado or or broccoli or something like that…I don’t know I just wanted to give her her first “treat” food I guess. If anyones seen Place Beyond the Pines there’s a really cute bit where the parents give the baby his first taste of ice cream. Thanks for responses anyway!
I had to watch the ‘Place Beyond the pines’ clip to understand what on God’s earth this thread is about.

A loved up Mum & Dad having a laugh feeding their cute baby ice cream.

Honestly OP, you have so many ice cream moments still to come. Including the ones where PFB drops it on the floor the second they are given it resulting in tears and hysteria all round. 🤣

Here’s the film clip you mention in case anyone is interested:

rarge · 07/04/2022 10:45

@Dumbledoressister

This is crackers. You're lucky you've got such involved grandparents and so much help. Get over yourself.
One day a week is not so much help. Your parents must be absent if you seriously believe this. They see they're granddaughter because they want to, first and foremost.
lemongreentea · 07/04/2022 10:44

If you were actually paying a childminder or nursery would you react in the same way to them giving your dc an ice cream dessert?

In this harsh world that is getting so expensive and difficult to live in a caring loving grandmother giving their grandchild some icecream is a non-problem.

Cazalet · 07/04/2022 10:40

YABU. It’s really not a milestone.

But you are right to avoid the juice. I was lax on this and my eldest has about 4 filings and one route canal by age 17. Dentist and I are pretty sure it was the juice habit when he was small. I do feel guilty. Second child is 15, no juice given and has no filings. Maybe have a chat with your ILs re not giving juice.

greenlynx · 07/04/2022 10:37

I would be livid. Many ice creams has a long list of ingredients with different additives so I wouldn’t give them to 9 m.o. baby who only ate so far plain things as bananas, broccoli or pears. Also as you mentioned specifically that you didn’t want grandparents to give her any new food they were wrong to do otherwise.

By the way I’ve only read first 2 pages and suspect that I’m probably in minority but it doesn’t change my view.

JudgeJ · 07/04/2022 10:37

How can you assume that the relationship with her own mother, who the OP hasn't mentioned, would be any different?

Because this is MN and her MIL is almost always the devil incarnate and his MIL is an archangel

JudgeJ · 07/04/2022 10:30

@TurningUpMyStereotype

My child turned 18 this year and I missed her first Jagerbomb.

She probably hit that particular milestone early. 😂

So true, many Dads, it's usually Dads, take their 'child' to their local for their 'first pint' only to be greeted with the bar staff asking said child 'Your usual is it?'. Certainly happened to my OH.
Darcyblackheart · 07/04/2022 10:29

@sarah13xx

How horrible are some of these comments to the OP, jeez 🤦🏼‍♀️ How great must their lives be to have to come on MN at night to get a kick out of being nasty to random strangers 🤔
The irony
neatlittlerows · 07/04/2022 10:28

As lots of previous posters have said, a great extended family relationship is so important and this just isn’t an issue. Will your baby remember the ice cream? Or will you get the same reaction the next time you offer it? I’m a ftm prone to pfb tendencies too, but this isn’t worth it.

JudgeJ · 07/04/2022 10:25

I didn’t say that it is a thing? I just explained that it’s a thing to me? Why are people on here so needlessly aggressive grin I’m just saying I wanted to see my first baby’s little face when she had her first “treat” food, im not inventing ice cream as a thing! Give your own head a wobble

The aggression seems to be coming from you when people are not falling over themselves to agree with you. How very dare they!
Just for clarification, did the awful grandmother give her a taste from a spoon, a quick lick or the full monty, a 99 with a massive flake?
Trust me, in 5 years time you'll think back on this and cringe, I know I did after child 1!

BellePeppa · 07/04/2022 10:24

@HangingRock25

OP in a few years time you will look back on this thread and cringe at how irrational you were to be upset at this. It really is bizarre. Utterly bizarre to care about something as absurd and self-absorbed and silly as this.

You asked if YABU, and everyone is saying yes. Instead of lashing out at people, take the hint and grow up a bit. This is classic Precious First Born syndrome.

I was wondering what PFB meant 😁 We’re all a bit precious when it’s our first born. I remember lots of things about being pregnant with my first but I can’t even remember being pregnant with my second 😯 I doubt when someone’s on say their sixth child they care much about such moments.
Notjustanymum · 07/04/2022 10:18

Ice cream is not a milestone, YABU.

Figgygal · 07/04/2022 10:16

@Bollindger

Please stop being like this. Over time there will be many many times someone else give your child something. My mum feed my 12 week old a tiny bit of chocolate that first xmas, I was not there, and do you know it was and is a cherrished family memory. Change your thinking and enjoy life,
Id have been fucking livid if my 12 week old was given any foodstuff at that age not thinking it was hilarious
WetLookKnitwear · 07/04/2022 10:15

I get it. You’re OTT but so am I.

If it makes you feel better I gave my baby her first sweet food the other day and it was underwhelming.

Figgygal · 07/04/2022 10:12

What you going to do if she walks at the in laws first and you miss it?
These things are going to happen

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 07/04/2022 10:11

When they are 30 you won’t care.

BeanAnTae · 07/04/2022 10:08

I gave my toddler ice cream myself and he screwed his little face up and insisted that he wanted it hot! But seriously, you'll be there for plenty of firsts. I'd let this one go.

Ikeabag · 07/04/2022 10:08

@gingerhills totally - I had zero childcare, family or otherwise, and still don't. I sometimes wonder where I went. Have seen friends encompass friends and family into the life of their child very successfully and watched how beautiful it is that their kid has so many awesome relationships.

RebeccaCloud9 · 07/04/2022 10:07

If it's a thing to you, you HAVE to let them know. They can't live in fear of random things you've decided are not for them to do. This is something you'll look back and cringe over, especially if you have more than 1 child.

ChloeHel · 07/04/2022 10:06

YABU!!!

Be grateful your MIL looks after her.

Ikeabag · 07/04/2022 10:06

Also, in terms of feelings being valid... of course they are. But feelings are a bugger for taking over and ruling our perspective on a lot of things, without any consideration for how enormous the thing we're reacting to is. And yeah, sometimes we're not ready to let go of that. Ultimately though, it is unhelpful to stay stuck in a loop of discomfort like that, and having it reinforced by strangers online just prolongs the misery.

gingerhills · 07/04/2022 10:02

A child's 'firsts' don't all beed to be with the mother there to witness it. Pretty much everything is a first in her life right now - she'll learn new words without you there, learn new motor skills. It's fine. Relax.

It's great that she has a closer relationship with wider family. You have no idea how valuable that is. Don't jeopardise it by being unneccessarily precious about stuff that really doesn't matter in the long run. A happy extended family matter massively. A forgettable first lick of ice cream really doesn't.

Ikeabag · 07/04/2022 09:59

I would have felt like this. Looking back, I was a tit in a lot of ways and defos had a PFB thing going on. Parenthood does mad shit to your brain. It's happened, so you can either stew over it for ever... or you can let go of it. Mine is now junior school age. Your perspective will change. I haven't had any more, so I still technichally only have the PFB and no others forthcoming to readjust my thinking either... perhaps there's comfort in knowing you won't be bothered by this in years to come. And yes, "PFB" totally got my back up too when I first saw it on here. I think you'll only get one kind of answer on this site though, in various shades of gentle.