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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MiL gave baby first ice cream

703 replies

maloney123 · 06/04/2022 23:48

Please let me preface this post by acknowledging that my in laws look after our baby once a week and I’m hugely grateful to them for this. They were desperate to be grandparents (this is their first grandchild) so the arrangement suits us both as they get time with the baby and I get time to catch up on laundry, cleaning etc (I am still on mat leave).

Today my MIL gave our baby her first taste of ice cream (DD is 9 months). I’m not so bothered about the sweet aspect (although we’re not giving her sweets, juice etc as yet) but I feel upset that we didn’t get to give her her first ice cream. I feel like this is a cute milestone moment for a baby and instead of being there I had my MIL describing to me how my daughter reacted to the taste. Previously she has also tried BLW my baby one day after we started weaning her which I was livid about, so we’ve already spoken to her and asked her not to give her new foods without checking in first.

I don’t mind MIL giving “normal” foods but I do feel like something like baby’s first ice cream is a bit special and I feel annoyed and upset that she took this moment away unnecessarily. I don’t think I’m going to say anything about it as I don’t want to appear ungrateful so I guess I’m just venting, feel free to tell me YABU!!

OP posts:
katepilar · 07/04/2022 11:56

@maloney123

For those who’ve given polite and reasonable responses, thank you so much! As I said initially I’m not going to raise it so no need for anyone to be concerned in that front! For the rest of you I hope you are nicer in person than you are on here x
OP, I think most people who are being so hard on you are actually very hurt themselves, likely without consiously knowing it. They might have had to push their own feelings away and go to work and have people look after their own children. Or they themselves were looked after strangers not their own mothers.

There will be people withdifferent views on food and ice cream but it wouldnt turn into such a nasty thread if they were just sharing their views.

GregBrawlsInDogJail · 07/04/2022 11:54

Do you really think OP will forget this experience, when it obviously touched something in her mind? I find it very bizzare to tell someone they will forget something that is now important to them.

Oh, she probably will remember it. When she is cringing about how absurdly precious she is being. Or maybe because the thread ended up in the paper and the MIL saw it, thus putting an end to this cosy childcare arrangement!

My MIL gave my PFB a tiny taste of chocolate off the end of her finger when he was 5mo before we even started our weaning journey weaning. I. WAS. RAGING. For about 15 minutes. And I like my MIL. (Not about the "first", but about baby's first food being chocolate and not healthsome broccoli or something, and what about his delicate gut?!?) I got the fuck over it, and I look back and cringe mightily, and I would have expected someone to tell me I was being a PFB twat if I'd started a thread about it at the time.

EliyanahM · 07/04/2022 11:54

@Howareyouflower

The only milestones I thought important when I was child minding were things like crawling, standing alone, or walking. The children never (ahem!) achieved any milestone in my house first unless the parent was there to witness it. I think you're being very unreasonable and over the top.
But the key thing you say is I thought important.. which means that eating first non fruit/veg is something OP thinks important.. but.. she should have made that very clear to people looking after baby before. I guess a lot of people wouldn't consider baby first opening their eyes to look at you, coming out of an incubator, and blood oxygen monitors coming off as 'milestones' either but I made a big deal of it at the time.
newbiename · 07/04/2022 11:52
Biscuit
katepilar · 07/04/2022 11:51

@Cazalet

YABU. It’s really not a milestone.

But you are right to avoid the juice. I was lax on this and my eldest has about 4 filings and one route canal by age 17. Dentist and I are pretty sure it was the juice habit when he was small. I do feel guilty. Second child is 15, no juice given and has no filings. Maybe have a chat with your ILs re not giving juice.

It doesnt need to be the juice. Bad teeth happen to children who dont drink juice too these days. Its a much wider problem and part of general health of the body, not just the teeth itself.
Howareyouflower · 07/04/2022 11:48

The only milestones I thought important when I was child minding were things like crawling, standing alone, or walking. The children never (ahem!) achieved any milestone in my house first unless the parent was there to witness it. I think you're being very unreasonable and over the top.

LuckySantangelo35 · 07/04/2022 11:47

Maybe stop watching shite like a place beyond the pines OP

BTW U R V V PFB

EliyanahM · 07/04/2022 11:44

Just being a bully now about the way someone talks.

EliyanahM · 07/04/2022 11:42

Your suggestion was good, I don't know HomeHomeInTheRange's issue is. Totally weird reaction imo!

Theunamedcat · 07/04/2022 11:41

You should try bany on a slush puppy my son was teething and (to my husbands horror) I dipped to spoon in my slush puppy and put it in his mouth his reaction was hilarious he ended up with blue tongue and it worked better than calpol

katepilar · 07/04/2022 11:38

If you want to work on your own feelings and want to feel easy about what happens when your baby is with them without micromanaging them, I would try to have some time together with MIL to chat about what you feel is important to you.
Hopefully you'll find that your MIL thought nothing of the icecream (eventhough why the heck give it to a baby this young ...) and she just does automatically what she thinks it normal. Obviously parenting style has changed since she had babies.
I very much hope she is not the type who does this deliberately. I think whoever looks after your baby should be able to go with your wishes. Certainly not to go agaist them just because they want it different.

user1471517095 · 07/04/2022 11:36

It's funny that all these kinds of posts are mentioning "Mother in Law". Is that really the problem? What if is was "my parent's" is that OK?

EmoIsntDead · 07/04/2022 11:34

@TurningUpMyStereotype

‘Ice cream is a milestone‘ ‘Babe’ ‘Weaning journey’

😬

Cringe 😬
katepilar · 07/04/2022 11:33

OP, sorry you are feeling robbed of a special moment. I can understand why an ice-cream is considered a special thing in your mind, even if you perhaps hadnt realised it previously. Its hard to let someone else look after your first child when they are so little.

Hollywolly1 · 07/04/2022 11:32

@YesIKnowIABUbutIamreallytired

Haven't read all the replies. I know the feeling and I kind of get it. My mother gave my pfb their first hair cut without asking. I was really upset. But. The grandchild/grandparent relationship is such a special one, and I think it's important that they get to be part of the milestones too. Especially if they are helping in a practical way. You will have so many precious moments with your baby, but how lovely for your baby that she will have them with her granny too. Be a little bit sad for a day or so if you have to, but then you need to build a bridge and get over it! And definitely don't bitch about it in real life.
Terrible upsetting
Hollywolly1 · 07/04/2022 11:30

I didn't assume as I said m8st mother's would listen

Jemmineye · 07/04/2022 11:26

I would far rather have decent in laws that had time for us and their grandchildren than the memory of the first ice cream. YABU.

katepilar · 07/04/2022 11:26

@WeDontShutUpAboutBruno

Honestly op you won't even remember in a few years time. I'm just trying to remember the first time any of my dc had ice-cream and drawn a total blank.

Your dc has a lovely relationship with doting grandparents, don't sweat the small stuff.

Do you really think OP will forget this experience, when it obviously touched something in her mind? I find it very bizzare to tell someone they will forget something that is now important to them.
Theunamedcat · 07/04/2022 11:17

@KarmaStar

Grow up! Have you seen all the empty prams in Ukraine,a representation for each baby killed ?
There are other issues on the planet larger and smaller than the Ukraine we don't get to stop functioning questioning thinking and learning because out there somewhere someone is hurting more than you do you group to people smiling in the streets and tell them off because there is a war happening? Doubtful

There is ALWAYS a war happening somewhere there are ALWAYS people dying somewhere life ALWAYS goes on regardless however sad it may be

KarmaStar · 07/04/2022 11:11

Grow up!
Have you seen all the empty prams in Ukraine,a representation for each baby killed ?

YesIKnowIABUbutIamreallytired · 07/04/2022 11:09

Haven't read all the replies. I know the feeling and I kind of get it. My mother gave my pfb their first hair cut without asking. I was really upset.
But. The grandchild/grandparent relationship is such a special one, and I think it's important that they get to be part of the milestones too. Especially if they are helping in a practical way. You will have so many precious moments with your baby, but how lovely for your baby that she will have them with her granny too.
Be a little bit sad for a day or so if you have to, but then you need to build a bridge and get over it!
And definitely don't bitch about it in real life.

NETSRIK · 07/04/2022 11:05

I don't remember my first child's special first ice cream moment on the basis that there is nothing special about it. This is beyond precious first born, it is ridiculous.

DoctorSnortles · 07/04/2022 11:01

Jesus Christ.

justfiveminutes · 07/04/2022 11:00

If I am ever kind enough to give up a full day of my own precious free time, every single week, so that dd or dil can enjoy a peaceful day and rest, I would (1) not know that ice cream was special, (2) expect to make minor welfare decisions while she was in my capable care without being micromanaged, (3) tell you to forget the whole arrangement if you had the temerity to sulk about it.

I hope she takes her first steps and says her first words on grandma's day. Or will you expect granny to topple her over and put a sock in her mouth?

thisplaceisweird · 07/04/2022 10:59

If you've been on MN long enough you'll know that labelling more calorific/sugary food as 'treat food' will give your kids eating disorders so yes YABU