Restraining autistic violent child, is it ever OK?

I grew up as a young carer and social services referred myself and my mother to a course to teach self defence and restraint for such behaviours. So they seem to approve of such measures, as long as it's reasonable. One technique taught was to try and cover the eyes to disorient them which seemed effective and minimised damage. It's definitely not easy sailing, but they'll want to aid you to some extent as it's far tougher if they were then faced with taking on the care of your son.

Keep a diary & if you haven't already done so make a claim for DLA, use the diary as evidence. Have you room to make him a sensory space where he can go when he gets sensory overload? That is what the meltdowns are, he has too much stuff going on, he can't regulate his emotions & he explodes just like a bottle of pop being shaken up all day & then taking the top off. Try to not ask him to do loads at once, split everything in to tiny steps. For a lot of neurodiverse children, home is home & school is school, in their heads the two don't mix. Can you ask school for him to be excused homework? If he has an EHCP this can be written in to it. If you can see a meltdown being close can you divert his attention? Send him outside to kick a ball or could he have a boxing bag or something to wrestle with so he doesn't hurt you?

I worked with children with severe behaviour difficulties for years. Your first responsibility is to keep your child safe and that is what it sounds like you are doing. Restraint in schools ideally takes two people but if only one is available and the situation warrants it one person should do it. if a child is trying to climb out of a window you don’t wait till the second person arrives you have to act and your first responsibility is to keep the child safe. So it should be to prevent injury to themselves or to some other person not just for social niceties

Sometimes restraints are needed for safety if you are in an environment where there are no other options. For example he runs out into the street. You need to physically remove him from the road and keep him safe. Or if he is hurting others, he may need to be initially restrained.

If you can create a safe space in your house where he can go to deescalate that doesn't involve restraint - that is often helpful. A room with some padding on the floors and walls and whatever colours or items that would be relaxing. Some kids find snoezelen type rooms help them deescalate, others are over stimulated by it.

I have also seen foam shields like this used for younger kids.
vpm.org/news/articles/8753/an-alternative-to-seclusion-and-restraint-was-born-in-virginia-and-its-spreading

Don't feel bad, yes sometimes restraint is your only option to protect yourself however, I will say, once you start using it it's almost expected and hard not to go there every time, de-escalation is always more valid. You say the breathing is never restricted however even when trained it's so hard to say this with confidence, they wriggle, their arms move down, even when you are trying to be light it's very difficult to 100% not restrict anything, till you are trained I'd really try anything you can to avoid it.

I'd hold off until you learn how to restrain safely if it's not a technique you have been taught. Other than that, I don't think restrain is wrong. It sounds necessary in your situation. It's very sad for you and for him, but ultimately any serious injury is worse.

"I'm really surprised by this, how come?"

The techniques taught in restraint training require two adults to be present and this cannot be guaranteed at home.
Restraints used in schools etc should be recorded and monitored and this cannot be done at home.

Our almost 8yo son sounds the exact same. Thankfully we have a social worker now and they refer (and re-refer once techniques have become stale - race yourself for ever changing ways to handle it) us to the LD CAMHS and OT departments. We have to restrain from behind and kind of do rhythmic squeezes around his arms/torso. Looks cruel as hell but it's the safest way (for us and him) to deal with the violence. And it also goes towards his sensory diet too. Self refer to social services and get a social worker. We did that when our son was 4. Best thing we ever did. We now also get respite for 2 hours a week which is a godsend. An absolute godsend. Just to gather our thoughts, have a cry, spend quality time with his brother etc. We're all black and blue in this house due to the meltdowns and, like you, our son doesn't understand and has no communication ability to explain what's wrong. It's mainly frustration (we think!). Good luck x

How about contacting a charity that specialises in supporting people with a learning disability and asking for some advice and they may able to signpost you in the right direction? I'm not sure any of our tenants ever had a home life sadly many came from old fashioned institutions and were cared for in large residential style buildings from a young age or were fostered and came to us when Foster parents no longer could cope. Others however had a lovely mixture of life in residential care and time at home at weekends or every other weekend etc. Would your child be due a medication review? Children grow fast and may need to increase something as his height and weight increases.

Www.safespaces.co.uk

Would something like this be helpful?

I used to work for a charity where we supported adults with severe learning disabilities and yes restraint is common, there are ways and means of doing it to lessen harm, also we were taught some moves if someone was to pull our hair, grab our neck etc. I would recommend going private maybe and also seeking an OT assessment privately as they are trained in sensory integration etc.

You need to contact Social Services again and point out that your son is a child in need under section 17 Children Act 1989, and therefore they had a statutory duty to carry out both a care and a carer's assessment within 45 days of receiving your request. Ask them to contact you within a week to confirm arrangements for the asessment, and tell them that if you don't hear from them you will have to apply for judicial review to enforce your child's rights.

I recommend Yvonne Newbolds facebook group. Learning disability teams can also provide support with looking at the reasons for the behaviour, triggers etc
We have only held ds ( now 16) long enough to get him somewhere safe but he doesn't damage things (goes for us or hurts himself) so we have never had that to consider. Children do quickly become too big to safely restrain ( and parents cannot have restraint training) so it is important to learn to manage behaviour in other ways and the child over time, learning to manage their own behaviour.

Second what @Istherehopeforme has written

Sadly there are so many families who don’t receive early intervention for challenging behaviour. What I would advise is that through observation and reflection you try to understand the communication behind the behaviour, then your child can be helped to learn a more appropriate and safe way to express themselves. He is young and can learn, and if he doesn’t learn now it will be so much harder when he is a young adult.

I hope you get some support from services soon

Family member had similar challenges with her eldest she was taught to use a towel wrapped around him to keep him safe until he stopped lashing out. I am not sure if this information is out of date but it was a final straw after she was badly injured a few times

It’s only happened once, but I have resorted to holding my extremely upset dd with ASD in a full body hug including using a leg wrap because she is strong. She was trying to run out doors and jump out windows. I held her firmly and told her I loved her until she relaxed and seemed in control again and then she had the choice on when to get up, but she actually often stayed for the comfort. Over the course of the night, when she worked herself up again and tried to bolt again we started over. It was a long night. My only other option was to call an ambulance and that would have been worse for her.

One easy hold I used to do when they were little (pre training which I did because I needed to know how to manage them as they got older and stronger) was to take them to the floor, wrap my arms and legs around them from the back and tuck my head down to the middle of their back so they couldn't smash their head backwards onto me iyswim. A tight hold can itself be calming, like weighted blankets are.

And you are not doing anything wrong by restraining your child when the alternative is letting them severely injure themselves or someone else.

Is dc in school? What do they do there and does he have an ehcp?

Are camhs involved? They may be able to support with triggers (have you noticed any?), responses and levels of actions to take for those caring for him. Does the (from the sounds of it very gentle) restraint work? He could be getting some sensory feedback from this itself so it might be good to talk to camhs around what else could be used.

As he is 4 he will still be under the hv service- they should have a special needs hv who can support with things like the ehcp or arrange team around the child meetings to bring the right practitioners around the table to support your son and you.

I would chase social care and ask for a child with disability team assessment- they can also refer on to occupation therapy to see if there are any adaptations that can be made to make the environment safer for him when he headbands etc.

Are there other dc and what do they do when your son becomes challenging to manage? Do they have somewhere they can go to whilst he calms to avoid them getting hurt?

I'm so sorry you are going through this. The positive is that you are seeking help whilst he is young and early intervention is always the best approach imo.

We also use Team Teach in my special school.

Hi! Ok so not to sound harsh but Untrained and unapproved restraint can be very dangerous ( spinal injury’s, breathing, suffocation, trauma etc) so I would for now completely avoid this unless it was an emergency response if being attacked - for something to be considered
reasonable force by the law things are considered such as - is this action proportionate to the risk present , is it necessary to avoid severe harm and are there no other choices here that could be taken/ aka leaving the room/ area.
I would ask for support from the child development team in managing challenging behaviours especially if attacking others and ask what action/ safety plan can you put in place - perhaps a training course in team teach, TCI or MVA - basically any medically approved “restraint” or safe handling course if in crisis could be useful for you. The importance of the environment your child is in and triggers present for them should not be forgotten- taking time to think is there common behaviours your see before he harms someone else, common place? After a certain activity etc- what signs in his body to do you see that gives an indication he is moving away from his baseline behaviour - recognising these can help you avoid a crisis escalating and you can using descalation techniques before he gets to the point of attacking ( crisis) . These techniques could be removal of a trigger, use of language , redirection, pressure point touch, distraction etc..
Try to think back over the last 4/5 times he attacked out... and ask yourself who/ what / where when why to try to see if any common ground of what triggered him... also think what is this attacking behaviour meaning for him- for example, is he biting / hitting in order to have his own sensory needs met?

Please please be reassured that there is help out there to support you with this,make demands and demands for appointments/ support etc . I have worked with so many families who were at their wits ends with behaviours but over time with the correct strategies this can and will improve xx you are a great mum for identifying you need support with this and you can tell from your post you greatly care for your child xxx

I have had to restrain both of my sons many times over the years. I had control and restraint training. Perhaps you could look into that.