To feel sad DD doesn't want to go to her prom

It sounds as though she could do with more support around her anxiety. Are there some things she’d do with you, nice stuff where you had chance to talk? Day at a spa? Lunch in the city? Hike? Wondering if school has any resources.

My kid’s school doesn’t even bother with a prom and no one cares. That isn’t a big deal.

I skipped a huge formal end of university ball thing as I didn't fancy it.

Took a youth group kayaking on a river instead and had a great time. Much more me. Fun and relaxed.

It was 25 years ago and I am still glad I chose to spend that day in the sunshine and relaxed and not following the crowd.

Did not realise prom was a widespread thing in England. Just googled "when did proms start in English schools" apparently 2000s. I can't think of anything more hideous. If your daughter isn't interested drop it. I would be concerned about social anxiety and try to find things she does want to do to get her out interacting with people.

I'm disappointed that my DC does want to go. It's a new experience for me as my elder 2 didn't. I've been very clear on the expenditure issue though. DC has several expensive hobbies which I don't mind supporting as they are constructive, worthwhile uses of time. But I'm damned if I'm wasting £100s on this nonsense.

Mine went because she had FOMO but declared it overrated. She didn't go to her year 13 one

Shame they are called proms and over hyped I enjoyed mine - leavers discos chance to wear a nice dress and be with friends. The 6th form one was better / gentler we had a nice cohort and some great teachers it was seen as a nice end of school goodbye thing. Remember having a proper adult chat with my form tutor interesting to hear the adult perspective on managing our form once out the other side. The fact it’s now so full on is a shame as it’s polarising and less is inclusive.

Some parents found me took the daughter’s to New York to buy a dress.

I’m pleased Dd isn’t going!

School proms are just awful. An attempted reincarnation of the Deb’s balls of the 19th and 20th Century which were sensibly dropped after the end of WWII, but which in the 2000’s were reintroduced by the creeping influence of US films. Unless you are really into dancing, formally, a prom is simply an expensive, show-offy, hormonal event that a lot of people don’t want to be involved with! I am pleased that my DC weren’t in schools that promoted these (it was just creeping into other schools in the area at the time they finished school) but I know that neither of them would have signed up for one, had it been offered…
Don’t be sad, OP, be proud that your DD is so independently-minded!

Proms are a complete waste of money, and as a girl who did not like dresses and makeup I'd have deeply resented any suggestion that I should look that way. Dopey events like this are not must have experiences. Well done on her for doing what she wants.

I'm another one who didn't go to mine - just not my "thing" at all and I had no interest in going. I never understood why people were constantly surprised that I wasn't going, to be honest, and it made me feel like I was really strange.

If your daughter doesn't want to go, please don't make a fuss, or insist on doing something "instead". Would you do something instead of a football match, or a concert, or anything else she didn't fancy going to? She's allowed to not be interested.

Maybe encourage friendships in other ways - would she enjoy having a friend round after school, or a group of friends for a barbecue when the weather improves? Or does she have one close friend and is there an activity they'd enjoy? Eg if she likes something like board gaming, can you get her vouchers for a board game café for her birthday, so she can take a friend? Or a craft class, or a rock climbing session or whatever she's into?

I did go and it was very mediocre, not helped by only having peripheral friends (I've not seen them since school). Having a nice night with the friend who isn't going either sounds much more fun.

I'd love to wear a nice suit, though.

I went to mine back when I was 18 (yr 13), spent a fortune on the dress, hair and makeup, all my friends went and our boyfriends. Was a sort of non-event! Just a party in hotel function room heavily monitored by teachers and loads of drink limitations.

I can barely remember much about it other than the disappointment.

Think they're awful. Should be stopped!

They didn't have 'prom' when I left school in 1992. We just left. We did however have a graduation ball at uni which I imagine now is the same kind of thing. I remember it was the biggest let down ever.

Girls these days (well the mums) seem to spend more on their daughters dress going to prom than I spent on my wedding dress. It all seems to be about who can look the prettiest. Totally against what we're trying to teach young women surely!?

She won't regret it. I actually regret going to my graduation ball!

I was pressured into going to mine and have to say it was one of the crappest nights out I ever had 😂😂😂

Good for her

Sucks that her ex best friend went mean girl on her, but that's for the best in the long term. In a few years when your DD is an adult who's found her real friends, she'll barely remember the shallow ex-BF.

My dd and non of her friends are going. She wears jeans all the time. Just not interested. I admire her attitude.

I wa a secondary teacher for 26 years. Some girls would start planning what to wear at the start of Year 10 and became just obsessive about it.

That was really depressing. So🙌To all those who do g want to go.

My eldest DC did not want to go and didn't, my younger DC went.

Bond with each other* 🤦🏻‍♀️

Proms are a dreadful American import and an abomination.

I wish schools would do away with them. So much angst on these boards about them.

I didn’t go and I never regretted it, I’m 24 now. I couldn’t justify my parents buying me a dress and paying the fee for prom when I was bullied all through high school and didn’t fancy paying to spend any extra time with my horrible classmates. Gently, it isn’t about your feelings in this case, and saying you’re going to stay off of social media because of other parents posts is a little dramatic. She doesn’t want to go, maybe try and do something with her that night, bobs with each other.

@Noprommum that’s good that she may see another person after all. The key thing is to prevent her world from shrinking too much and her spiraling.

My dd didn't go either. Her choice. I didn't bat an eyelid as I think it's over-blown nonsense. The pressure to look amazing, the limos etc. is ridiculous!!

What was wrong with the British "leavers disco"?

My son won't go either......oh well.