To feel sad DD doesn't want to go to her prom

Maybe leave it. I went to my prom 40 odd years ago, had a smile on my face but hated it. Went to a few other proms as well as girlfriend in the few years leading up to mine and one same year as mine. Put a smile on my face but hated those also. I wouldn’t have been unhappy to leave any prom I attended 2 minutes after arriving, they were chores I suffered through.

Once at uni, we had a yearly faculty ball, I went and had a genuine smile on my face as (no pun intended) I had an absolute ball. Loved them.

Looking back, I really wish I hadn’t bothered attending my prom or anyone else’s as was a waste of hours you never get back. I’m sure many people loved them though.

I felt like I had to go to mine and I did but was uncomfortable the whole time. I still hate anything which requires me to wear uncomfortable clothes, dresses etc but force myself to make the effort although always wear flat shoes whatever is going on!

Anyway it made absolutely no difference to my life and whether I went or not wouldn’t have mattered.

I understand why you’re sad in the moment though.

Strewth

I had no interest in going to my prom and have never regretted it. A friend and I spent the money on a day out in London going for a meal and the theatre, I’m sure I enjoyed that far more than dressing in a tacky prom dress and trying to sneak booze into a party surrounded by teachers! All of my friends who did go still say it wasn’t worth it.

I pushed my daughter to go to hers and although she enjoyed the dressing up and pre-drinks at ours she hated the prom itself (just as she thought she would). Being in a crowd of noisy, over excited teenagers with loud music blaring just wasn't her thing. I should have listened to her.

My kids aren’t going to theirs either. Tbh I find the whole idea repulsive. Plus my DDs sixth form one is being organised by one of the “popular”, cliquey girls…no one seems to want to go. This is not America.

Bring back the 80s school disco I say!

I didn't go to mine and I don't regret it for a minute. Its a glorified school disco that ended up being called Prom at the insistence of school kids obsessed with US tv shows. Really not a big event at all.

Mine isn't going. DS is not getting the yearbook or hoodie either. School has been an awful experience for him so he wants as little to do with it as possible.

DS hasn't said whether he'll be going to his. He's not particularly into the big parties etc. I'm rather puzzled by the whole Y11 leavers events anyway seeing as around 90% of his year are staying on at the school for 6th form! They're doing leavers hoodies, year books, the whole lot, but why when they're not actually leaving the school????

Could you pay the deposit just in case she changes her mind nearer to the time? That's what I'm doing with mine who isn't sure whether she wants to go or not. If your dd is already adamant she doesn't want to go though, it's great that she knows her own mind so well. You could take her out on the night, or for a short break to celebrate the end of exams. And with the money you would save from a dress that might only be worn once, she could buy several outfits that she could wear for years.

I think it’s a shame they have these things now. When I was your daughter’s age (about 20 years ago), we had a school disco and it was fun and exciting but not loads of pressure or formality.

It’s nice to make an occasion of things, but there’s something about the “prom” concept that just seems retrogressive and socially conservative.

I’m sure your daughter will be fine, don’t feel sad!

It's great that your DD has made up her own mind and has made the decision not to go. Peer pressure at her age is massive and she has shown great strength of character in saying no, despite her school friends piling on the pressure. I doubt she will regret it. Well done to her.

I was really proud that my niece decided not to go to hers! She said it was a waste of money and a load of hyped up crap. She and a few friends went bowling instead. Don't fell sad. Feel bloody proud that your DD knows her own mind and has the confidence not to give in to peer pressure.

I don't think its a big deal, if she doesn't want to go she doesn't want to go.

If it was just down to not wanting to wear a dress then I'd suggest a suit or something else.

mine didn't go. hated school, has no regrets

We didn't have proms, school disco/dance though. Not what its made out to be these days. I went, it was ok but I wasn't one of the 'pretty' girls, a bit awkward still it was ok.

The girls went to their 'proms' and dances, had a good time but they had a good set of friends. (We went along to one to chaperone, it was actually pretty boring)

DH and I sometimes get dressed up and go out for a tea dance or dinner dance, we quite enjoy it.

When I was young we didn't have proms, but I know at that age I wouldn't have wanted to go, for many reasons. All I can say is please respect your daughter's wishes. She won't be missing out on anything crucial and will likely thank you in years to come!

My dd didn't go to her prom. I did feel sad because it's become such a big thing, so I thought she was missing out, but she was adamant it wasn't her kind of thing and doesn't regret it. She's never been into all that high maintenance glamour, much more of a practical grungy girl, and I'm proud she made the decision and didn't feel pressurised to go or to pretend to be someone she isn't. I took her to a West End musical instead to celebrate the end of school.

I think your daughter has a brilliant future ahead of her, she knows her own mind, and doesn't feel the need to follow the crowd. She will do well in life

Of course Proms are not compulsory and if your DD doesn't want to go then that's absolutely fine.

But if it's that she doesn't buy into the whole "prom dress" thing, do reassure her that there will be people there in all sorts of outfits - some in the over the top prom dresses, some in a dress they bought from a department store last week, and some in something more quirky like a tux or trousers and fitted jacket.

If she doesn't want to go, fine.
My elder dds went to theirs. Both enjoyed it hugely. Nice way to finish off school. Let's face it, when else do they get a chance to do that?

Your daughter sounds great! Good on her for not following the flock.

I went to various school discos and a school ball and wish I hadn't bothered really. Didn't really enjoy them. I was quite sociable in other contexts.

I didnt go to my prom. Can't think of anything worse than spending the night with the bunch of 'popular' bitchy girls and boys that used to bully me and my friends, just sitting in the corner out of the way

Just because her friendship group has shrunk doesn't mean she is missing out, it just means she is finding out who her real friends are. Quality over quantity.