How do you get over pregnancy announcements?

Yes, the joking about wishing for a few more months of fun is awful to hear. And the "but we'll have a baby by Christmas which is amazing" when every February I wish for a BFP so I'll have a baby by Christmas. Her feelings are valid of course but it just hurts so much!

You're not mean. Anyone calling you that has absolutely no idea how painful this is, and their opinion should be disregarded accordingly.

I've done similarly to others - I mute or unfollow acquaintances who make pregnancy announcements, I mute celebrities' names on social media (Rihanna being the most recent) and I try to surround myself with women who've made wonderful, fulfilling lives without children. I've also distanced myself over time from the vast majority of the friends of my teenage years and 20s. Having spent a decade going to pregnancy parties, baby showers, new baby parties, children's birthday parties etc. - and just hearing about it all incessantly, something had to give. I'm a lot happier knowing that I don't have to do all of that anymore.

But mostly I just let myself ride the grief rollercoaster. I was 32 when I became infertile (full hysterectomy so no chance) and it's been 4 years now. It's still really hard at times, and when it's not it's bloody annoying because we live in a very child/motherhood-centric society. Allowing myself to be angry and upset at my involuntary exclusion from the club is partly how I survive, I think.

Anyway - all this to say, I'm so, so sorry that you're going through this. The pain is unimaginable to many and takes strength to get through.

I allow myself to be angry, upset, jealous and hurt.

I used to beat myself up for feeling that way. I told myself it made me a terrible person, it doesn't.

You're allowed to feel everything you feel. I also deleted a lot of social media, and use the unfollow button on others for anyone who announces a pregnancy.

I'm so sorry. You have my commiserations

It's tough but I developed a mindset where I only wanted our baby. So other people's pregnancies mattered less as it wasn't my baby Ipswich?

It is such an awful and difficult time. For a very long time I felt that infertility defined me and like you struggled to cope with pregnancy announcements coming at me from all angles. I distanced myself from pregnant friends and family, it was not my finest hour. However it was a case of self preservation.

Have I lost friends, yes, are close friends no longer as close, yes. Would I change anything - not at all DS is my world after 5 years of ttc.

Sending hugs.

I used to focus on all the things I could do because I didn't have kids. Someone got pregnant? Off we go to the pub at 11am for some day drinking, book a spontaneous flight to Spain while we are there etc etc
Probably not the healthiest option but it kind of helped. A bit. Really it's just fucking tough. I'm sorry you're going through it.

I don't think it ever gets easier really you just develop coping strategies in order to deal with your feelings.

When I was ttc I worked in a social services day nursery. The parents had mental health issues, drug and alcohol addiction, children already removed into care etc and they kept on just having more babies. Im not proud of the thoughts that went through my head back then but because I had to maintain professionalism and empathy I learned to accept that they weren't me and their ability to get pregnant had no bearing on my fertility. It was tough for a few years though.

I also threw myself into being the best auntie to my 13 nieces and nephews and convinced myself, fairly successfully, that it was nice to hand them back after spending time with them. I totally hated the thought that people felt they couldn't be happy about their pregnancies and babies around me so went over the top to 'prove' that it was fine. Classic case of fake it till you make it, but it worked mostly.

And, whilst I know how irritating it is (been there, done that, got the t shirt) I became one of 'those' lucky ones that everyone used to (unhelpfully) tell me about when I was ttc. 17yrs after I first started ttc I fell pregnant naturally and went on to have two boys.

It's bloody hard. We were undergoing ivf when my SIL and BIL made a special trip to see us just to flash scan photos at us. I couldn't see her or speak to her until very luckily I was 3 months pregnant. She oy understood when she miscarried their second child at 7 weeks and then took another year to get pregnant again. I didn't share my scan photos etc because I know how I felt and other people are hiding their pain and struggling .

Sorry you are going through this. I don't have experience of it myself but my sil did, she found it awful as I was pregnant with my first child when they started trying, she got pregnant and miscarried the same week i gave birth. They then kept trying and we had 3 children in that time. They did cut us out for a few years which hurt but I let them get on with it. It's only now they've completely given up and moved on with their life childfree (she's 44 so it isn't going to happen) that she's OK with baby announcements and even just being around our children. Our youngest is just under 1, but they seem happy to be around him now, once upon a time they would leave if we arrived at my parents when they were there.

When I was in your position I went through Facebook and culled everyone but my close friends. I didn't need to see the announcements of someone I had a class with once at uni. Also found that time away from social media helped and focussing on being present/mindful in my real life made a difference. Going for walks, to the gym, out for nice meals and drinks with friends all helped. It's totally shit dealing with infertility that many people understand.

It's really hard, I've just had another friend surprised at how quickly she was able to conceive. I normally get over it quietly and privately, which is shit but I would feel worse if any of my upset got back to her.

It is really hard. I tended to let myself feel everything for a set amount of time and then push it away.

That and unfollow people if needed.

It's the hardest thing. It took us three and a half years and IVF to conceive and I still bristle at people who 'have it easy.'

It is really hard I felt exactly the same. Took 16 months to get pregnant with my daughter and have been trying for over 5 years for a second with 3 miscarriage in that time. It feels like everyone at work was pregnant. One of my colleagues announced she was pregnant I had to go cry in the toilets then I found out it had taken her 4 years and IVF to get pregnant and I felt awful.

Accepting that other people getting pregnant wasn't preventing me getting pregnant helped. It is so hard with social media as it seems to be in your face all the time.

I think coming to terms with the fact a second child isn't going to happen for us has helped and most of my friends are past that phase of their life now. Blocking triggering words on social media also helps and I follow a counsellor on Instagram that specialises in pregnancy loss and infertility who posts some useful stuff.

I had to come off Facebook for the same thing. Family members and friends popping up everywhere. It was turning me bitter and I've never been resentful but it made me so so sad. Amd grieving badly. You aren't a bad person and it's completely normal to feel that way. I'm 4 years in and very overweight. So right now I'm trying to loose weight then looks like we are going to need help. So I've felt this for a long time.

Don't get me wrong, I've still felt wonderously happy for people yet still felt a bit of me die inside when I would think why is it never me.

My advice to you would be come off of social media. I still have instagram but Facebook was far worse for this kind of thing. You can never heal whilst still picking off the scab.

I found it gave me a distance and I could breathe. I also became a lot less obsessed with it and now I'm focusing on my fitness and a beauty page I run.

You are okay just breathe. We will get there.

I don’t have a solution to this, but I want you to know you’re not alone, and there are certainly more than 1% of us (I think it’s now 1 in 5 women dealing with involuntary childlessness).
At one point more than half of my Facebook feed was either scan photos, pregnancy announcements, birth announcements or photos of babies. Plus every single film or telly programme featuring a birth or someone falling pregnant with no trouble whatsoever.
It was absolutely devastating and impossible to explain to anyone who wasn’t in the same situation.
I used to cry every time I saw someone pregnant or pushing a pram, and had to stop going to social events where there would be babies or pregnant friends. Sometimes when I drove past a pregnant women I would shout at them (from the confines of my car knowing that they couldn’t hear me) because I was so angry and jealous. I hid every one on Facebook who had recently started a relationship or had small children.
I appreciate that this makes me sound loopy, but 12 rounds of IVF will do that to a person!
All I can say is that after 15 years of this the pain is much less raw now, and although I still feel desolate some days, I can usually deal with mixing with babies and pregnant women and live a fairly normal life again.
I’m sorry that you are going through this.

Honestly, therapy.

I started seeing a therapist shortly after it became obvious that it wouldn’t be easy for us to conceive. It was so helpful to have an hour a week when I knew I could just complain and bitch about everything and everyone with no judgement. It also helped my marriage as there were definitely times my husband thought I was being mean or overreacting when I got upset about things, so it meant I could save up my frustrations and vent to someone else!

And I get the relief as well.

Hi @announceno I'm so sorry you're going through this. You are not mean at all, you are going through something very difficult so you need to be kind to yourself. Please know that your feelings are completely valid, and despite it not being immediately obvious (as infertility isn't spoken about publicly enough) there are so many people who will understand what you are going through.

Myself and DH are 15 months into TTC no 1 and have been told it could take us a while. It's becoming so so hard, like for example I saw the other day who has only been in a relationship since September announcing she's 3 months pregnant, so it clearly only took them a couple of months at most. It just doesn't seem fair. However, I've found it helps to come away from things like Facebook, or unfollow pages that are triggering.

Sadly there are a lot of couples going through infertility (as many as 1 in 8) so believe me when I say you are not alone. It's helped me to reach out to others going through similar online, there's a lot of TTC Instagram pages, apps such as Peanut and of course lots of chats on Mumsnet for example. So maybe something like this would help you too - talking to others who are going through similar and can completely understand.

There are lots of lovely ladies over on the Conception/infertility boards on here who can offer further advice too xx

How you feel is completely normal OP. Allow yourself to feel it. It isn't that you aren't happy for your friends but how could it not hurt?

Following

Be kind to yourself. You already have enough upset and pain without adding guilt and self loathing. I tried for 7 years before I had my first. She was my last frozen embryo. I couldn't bare seeing pregnant people. I had such a strong response of jealousy, anger, guilt, self loathing, failure. It was very intense. I guess all my feelings around that time was intense what with the cycles of hope, excitement, failure and loss and all of the drugs. I think reminding myself that I wast angry someone else was pregnant but sad and angry I wasn't helped.

Your feelings are valid and you're not mean.
My story is a little bit different but my DS was stillborn and the pregnancy I've had since has ended in MC.
Pregnancy and birth announcements sting, even though I'm happy for them.
I have many good things in my life and although I hope to have another baby (I'm 30, there is time to hope) I know I will enjoy life either way. Its a very tough life lesson to learn but its a very important one and it's that you are enough