Hi guys,
Just wanted some opinions on this as sometimes I feel as though I’m being completely unreasonable and not quite sure what to do for the best.
I have been with my partner for 5.5 years. We have lived together for the past 2 years and our relationship for the most part is great. He is completely football mad, and I knew that when I started a relationship with him. He usually plays 2-3 times a week (trains one weekday evening for 1.5 hours and then has a game on a Saturday - usually gone from lunchtime until 6-7pm depending on where he is playing. He sometimes has another midweek game where he leaves at 6ish and gets home at 10-11pm - he always stays after his games to have a beer with the lads which is fine. We always agreed that Sundays would be “our” days to go out for a nice dog walk, head into town etc, but I have found that more frequently he would rather spend his Sunday watching football.
This has always been something that has bothered me and I’ve always felt as though I come second to football. I have opened up this conversation numerous times over the past 5 years to let him know how I feel and he always tells me that he won’t be able to play forever and it’s a hobby that he enjoys.
In the last year, he has developed a new love for golf. Now, when he first started playing, I have to admit that I hoped it would free up a bit of time and allow us to spend more time as a couple. In fact - things have gone in the opposite direction. On the evenings where he is not playing football, he either visits the driving range or has a golf lesson and will occasionally play golf on a Sunday now (usually gone from 9am till 4pm).
I really don’t want to stop his hobbies as he really enjoys them but it is putting a strain on our relationship from my point of view. This summer, he is going on a 4 day holiday with the football lads to Spain, on a stag do for 3 days with some friends and going on a golf holiday for 5 days. It’s meant that he has very little annual leave left for us to have a holiday together.
Last time we had a holiday together, we had to go on the Sunday and come home on the Friday as he wouldn’t take Saturdays off football. He has since apologised and wished he never did that but he is still so focused on football that we can’t plan weekends away at all because he refuses to take Saturdays off.
Am I being completely unreasonable? Should I let him enjoy his hobbies whilst he can still do them?
I should have added that we both work full time - he works pretty standard hours (7-4) and I work from home but my hours are more like shifts. Because I’m at home all day, I do all the housework, walk our 2 dogs everyday, food shop etc. Sometimes I work until 12am and I’ve asked him if he would mind getting up 10 minutes earlier to run the dogs out for a quick toilet break at 6am to allow me a small lie in and he refuses and says he won’t have time.
My worries are that in the next few years we will hopefully have children and I’m not sure I want to be in a relationship with someone who is always out or reluctant to share the responsibilities with me.
I would appreciate any opinions or thoughts and advice as I really do love him and see a future with him but not sure whether he just doesn’t realise what he’s doing