To send my eldest to grammar school knowing it’ll be a squeeze?

If she was a talented musician or athlete would you deny her the chance to succeed in the off chance one of your other kids might also be gifted? I would send her

Well done your DD OP. I think she has to go, and the main reason is that the motivation for this has come from her and not you.

But she's a bright, motivated girl, as I said up thread once she's 13/14 she can earn money through a paper round/ babysitting etc.

[quote TatianaBis]@kierenthecommunity

Yeah it was a really wild surmise that OP was French given her username and spelling of 'independant'. :massiverolleyes:[/quote]
Don’t know who you’re rolling your eyes at. Having a French user name doesn’t make you French. She may be a French teacher. I do bugger all in the community, I got my name from Terry Wogan.

Like flip did you really think she was French.

"but she's clearly bright if she's been offered a full bursary."

This isn't the case. Bursaries are related to family income, scholarships are based on the ability of the student.

I'm a bit sceptical about the affordability of it for your family if bus fares are going to stretch the budget.

Yes, this is the point that is being overlooked as many responses focus on whether the other 2 children will or will not be able to go to private school. Before that hap[pens, it's about what happens day to day over the next few years.

For me, saying you'd have to spend £50 per child on Christmas presents rather than £100 means that OP is considering some fairly serious budgeting to make this work. Plus the cost of living is going up. And fees go up more than inflation (generally) and the bursary already doesn't cover all the fees. And generally bursaries go down if you earn more, so OP's hope that she will be be promoted may not result in any net improvement in finances for the family.

Lots of people have made the point about giving your children the best education you can afford. Sadly, I don't think OP can afford this education. And it's all very well her sacrificing herself (as at least one PP has said they have). It's quite another to insist her other children must sacrifice for the sake of their older sibling.

Don't waste your money. A bright child will do well anywhere and when it comes to university admissions, state school kids often benefit from contextual offers as their achievements are rightly recognised.
Spend the money on giving them a fantastic childhood with lots of hobbies and activities.

Also I'd question about how good/ selective this "grammar" actually is. They don't seem to have that many applicants per place really. The independent school my DH teaches at has 8 applicants per place.
Have a good look at it's last inspection report and at the exam results (pre-covid).
Some private schools don't actually perform much better than state schools, despite having bright motivated children from supportive families. That, to me, indicates that the teaching isn't all that good really.

FWIW, we turned down free places at DHs workplace as we didn't feel the school was a good fit for our DC (way too pushy). They all did brilliantly at the local state school and have great careers.

Having grammar in a school name (generally for historic reasons) does not make it a "grammar school". It's fairly crucial to this thread that that the school is question is a fee paying school!

It would be extremely unusual for people going to the schools listed above to describe themselves as going to grammar school as opposed to independent school. Which is why so many have mentioned it.

Good point
What if another child excels in a different area? A friend of mine has 1 child at Private school and one at State but spends almost as much as school fees on the 2nd child’s sport.
3 children on a single Teachers salary will mean sacrifices for everyone for 1 child to go to a Private school, unless all fees are paid with a scholarship

@kierenthecommunity

Yeah it was a really wild surmise that OP was French given her username and spelling of 'independant'. :massiverolleyes:

It’s a real dilemma OP. Your good school is the “devil you know”. You know it’s strengths and shortcomings.
The grammar school will be trying hard to attract bright kids and unless you know families with children there who you trust to give you a balanced view it’s hard to get the inside view. Even then it’s very dependent on your child and their year group.

As a family our kids have been to 3 primary schools, 2 independent secondaries and 2 comps. The best and worst teachers are spread throughout. The very worst teacher was at the shiny, beautiful independent and the very best at the OK comp.

There are pros and cons to smaller classes and smaller year groups. Your child may find a peer group in a small school or may have more choice in a bigger setting. Some small schools are good with quirky kids whereas some big schools are better.

One of mine hated the Indy they begged to go to. They did well academically but hated the traditional teaching and struggled to find lots of like minded kids there even though made nice friends. DC happier in larger, more vibrant comp.

The fees made my eyes water but were manageable for us. Work out how much you’re monthly top up would be. There were extras for lunch, homework diary (£10 ). Trips were fine because lots of kids didn’t go on the expensive ones.

Don’t assume kids from very wealthy families will have similar goals to your DC. There are often lots of teachers’ kids at schools like the one you describe who are often grounded and hardworking. Check out the fees for staff as paying 1/3 fees for 2 kids is a big dent in a family income.

150 applications for 60 places doesn't make it sound all that selective but she's clearly bright if she's been offered a full bursary.

I'm a bit sceptical about the affordability of it for your family if bus fares are going to stretch the budget.

You need to do your sums honestly. You're a single parent raising three kids on a teacher's salary. Hopefully your expectation of an increase on salary is more than wishful thinking. In a few years time you'll need to give your second child a chance at the exam, if they should wish. And then there could potentially come a point where you have DD1 in university whilst DD2 and DD3 might be in this same school. Basically, you need to look at the long-term financial picture rather than tightening your belt right now and hoping for the best.

And if neither of the other two children turn out to be as academic as DD1 you can't just think 'phew, that'll save me some money'. They may shine in other areas and should be supported in those accordingly.

Yes my dcs go to a private school. However what it is is the old grammar school that was closed down grammar schools were deemed unnecessary. Parents got together and reopened the school, with similar ethos, but as an independent school instead.
I suspect many other schools have a similar history.

whiteworldgettingwhiter
There are no private (fee paying) grammars in the UK. Some private schools are better than others academically.

A quick Google gives these fee paying schools with GRAMMAR in the title:

Leeds, Manchester, Newcastle, Loughborough, Leicester…..

There will be loads more. In fact all the many places that don’t have the 11+ (most the country).

Oh and most parents at the school are normal, as in they are just people with jobs.

My DD12 is in a private school.
You can do school fee plans at most schools which means you pay monthly for any fees.

This makes it slightly more manageable for me, despite me having a good job I'm a single mum so it is a stretch.

I know people are saying she would do well anywhere if she's bright but it's not the point. Private schools have much smaller classes, and for girls a single sex environment means they statistically do better academically.

It's a no brainier if you can afford it.

Regarding the comments about wealthy kids, my DD’s best friend’s parents own a dozen race horses and live in a £million + with acres, one of my DS’s close friend’s parents own a castle and a helicopter.
It has made absolutely no difference to their friendships, other than demonstrating to my DCs where hard work can take you.
There are plenty of other kids in the school that live in average houses, drive ageing cars, with parents who work really hard to pay for them to be there - it’s not all 6 holidays a year and second homes in Cornwall.

Depends how much money you are talking. If you need an extra £1k a year for transport and uniform then it’s probably very achievable through trying to boost your income slightly and cutting back. My kids have never been to Alton towers and I think they’d be a bit pissed off if I took them and said “this is instead of your school bus fare”. They’d think I was cracked. Also 2 weeks holiday is LOADS. They will be fine with less.
Most people are paying for more expensive uniform and trips and often transport for their older child while their younger ones are still in primary. That’s not unfair in itself. It’s only unfair if when dc2 comes along they aren’t allowed to go to the same school because you’ll only pay for dc1. Being part of a sibling group involves missing out financially and in terms of time and attention, sometimes winning, sometimes losing. That’s just how it is and we have to hope that the benefits of siblings compensate for it.
If you are talking transport and uniform plus 50% fees and the transport and uniform by itself is a stretch then it seems like a non starter. I’d also be hesitant in sending an eccentric kid into a very small year group.

Why are people being dicks about the use of the grammar school term, along with digs such as ‘I thought the whole point was they’re free’, ‘as a teacher I’m astonished you dont know this’ and ‘you must be French’

Unless you’re interpreting “grammar school” in some way other than “selective secondary open to all”.

From experience honestly don’t do it. Three years ago we made a similar decision, to send DD private knowing it would change our lifestyle and involve sacrifices and it’s awful. I have no fun and no joy in my life and I regularly contemplate suicide. If I could go back I d have gone state every time but now she’s over halfway through year 9 it would break her so I am utterly stuck in this misery. The school is amazing but it is not worth the impact on my mental health and our family life. I would advise anyone against this miserable situation I am in. We will never get this time back and it is my biggest regret. You can avoid this misery so please do!

There are no private (fee paying) grammars in the UK. Some private schools are better than others academically.

I think you need to do more research on the school and all the pros and cons before deciding.

A lot of people at private schools are very rich and your dd might be mixing with folk much richer than her. Will she feel like the poor relation?