To send my eldest to grammar school knowing it’ll be a squeeze?

It is tricky.

My dad got a place at a local Grammar school back in the day. It was a long bus ride and uniform was expensive. My grandmother was extremely proud of him.

His brothers went to the local school.

My father was much more successful academically and financially than his brothers (headteacher) but I'm not 100% sure he was necessarily massively brighter.

The Grammar worked for him but it also had a negative impact on his relationship with his brothers. They were never close.

It would be great for your DD to be in the best environment for her to thrive. I'd probably let her go.

But make sure your other DC don't end up feeling second best.

I think you should send her. Every child is different and you may find that the next two are much more suited to the school where you teach. Or that your finances will improve.

You absolutely do not know for a fact that she won't reach full potential at state school. What baloney. Give all your kids an equal chance

Speak to the school- they may be able to offer more if she otherwise can’t go. Ours gives bursary recipients extra for uniform etc if needed.

It doesn't sound like a great idea to send one dc to private school if you can't afford for their siblings to go also.

You cannot compromise the lifestyle of other children to fund the education of a sibling.

I agree with this.
The younger ones would lose out now as well as presumably not getting the same opportunity when it's their turn. (On the basis that sending one's a squeeze).

No, you can't do that. It would lead to all sorts of resentment. What if your younger kids turn out just as bright and hardworking and desperately want to go too but can't?

My sister went to state schools and still managed 5 As at A levels, the top of her year. She's not even ridiculously intelligent, just hardworking! If your child is driven they'll achieve their full potential off their own bat. If they're not it's hardly fair for your youngest to miss out on equal opportunities!

Just remember that bullying happens at private as well as at state schools.
She may well thrive, but she'll still be the person that she is.
The other question really is about the affordability and what happens when your other two children go to secondary school.

Some private schools are "Grammar" in name, perhaps used to be state funded until selective state education was abolished in the area in 1970s

Depends on your definition of ‘massive squeeze on finances’.

Losing a few weekends away, not going out for meals, reducing expensive days out and reducing hobbies for the older child - yes I’d make the sacrifice.

Not being able to go on holiday at all, not being able to afford any hobbies for the other children, worrying about food and energy bills - no, not worth it.

Assume you’ve thought about how you could increase income to compensate?

So, it's not a grammar then, it's an independent fee paying school for which you have a bursary?
How difficult will it be to cover the other costs?

You cannot compromise the lifestyle of other children to fund the education of a sibling . Why did you not look into the affordability before you applied .

Do you mean private school?

Re uniform some have second hand clothes sales

You mean a private school, that's called whatever Grammar, rather than a state grammar school?

Regarding your younger children, if they turn out to also be the kind of child who would get a scholarship/bursary at a private school, what are you going to be able to do for them if you've impoverished yourself sending your eldest to a private school you really can't afford? Is it really worth singling out your eldest for massively preferential treatment simply due to birth order?

I hope the two younger ones will not miss out on the same education, rather than just "little treats". What you do for one you have to be prepared to do for the others, who will likely not get scholarships.

I do understand your wish to do what you see as your best for your DD, but you cannot make this decision without taking the others into consideration. A hard decision.

What if your other children also want to go?

What level of treat would your other children be giving up? Holidays? Days out?

Grammar schools are usually state funded- do you mean a grammar?
What do you mean by a bursary?

You mean an independent school?

Grammars are free!