To be jealous of how my friend is raising her daughter?

It's kind of funny how it seems to have only just occurred to the OP that there are benefits to only having one child, and being single, and as if it's super surprising that someone could be a single parent of an only child and also be happy...

Your friends relationship is a mirror of my relationship with my daughter. I don't laugh with anyone else the way I laugh with her, she's 11. It's very chilled and we do everything together. BUT on the flip side, it can be boring just having the pair of us in the same company at times, I have enormous guilt that she may always be a only child and would love to have 4 kids like yourself. It won't always be "perfect" for them, they will argue and get on each others nerves.

Don't be jealous she might be jealous of your relationship with your kids and wish she has more than one child.

Why do some people seem to think that only the exact same situation as themselves can possibly bring happiness, and even worse than that, seem to take pleasure that other people can't possibly be as happy as they are. So strange.

@woodenstuck I have 3 dc and we both work.FT. I understand 100% what you mean by not giving your children enough of your time. I have massive guilt over this also. Especially if I compare my middle child a Dd with her bf an only child who is so much more.confident and outgoing and I wonder what I could have done for my.dd differently and what I should do.

Being a mum is tough.

@cptartapp

what a truly horrible post

preseumably there is also time for your perfect family to fall apart as well.
Me aside, the most important people in my son’s life are his grandparents, godparents, cousins and our longstanding friends and their children, his friends, his church
My point being that single parents with only children do not exist is a bubble. I’ve made sure that my son has a wide, solid network to rely on, not just people who happen to be siblings who you may not get on with or have a relationship with in the future.
I have two brothers, one in Australia who I will probably never see again and the other I have no contact with. Having siblings in childhood is no guarantee of anything in adulthood

And work on removing shouting

Her friend's DD does have a nice and involved dad by the way.

Its vile to read the almost glee some people are exhibiting in making out OP's friend must secretly have a shit life or will have one eventually / that her daughter will have one eventually.

Maybe she's perfectly happy and her daughter will be a nice kid, nice teenager and well adjusted adult.

Her friend being happy doesn't change OP's choice to have four children (which was always going to mean a more chaotic household than one child), so gleefully predicting bad outcomes for her friend is pointless and really odd.

OP, I'd put money on your house being pretty calm and chilled too if you had just the one child compared to what it's like with the four

You can't change now having four but maybe you can change things and not have to shout at the kids? That would make things calmer

Apologies, fat fingers.
Four children does not mean that everything is hard. It's as difficult as you make it. If your home is messy then get everyone to join in on a rota of chores. Intiate quiet time. One on one time can be done in an hour a day. Even just listening to them reading or have them fold laundry with you.

YABU. Being a single Mum must be so hard, and often lonely.

While their relationship may be good now, you have no idea if it’ll be ok when her DD is a teenager, and if your friend is secretly envious of you having 4 sons.

You should be incredibly grateful having four - four! (who can afford that nowadays?!) - healthy sons, a full time job and a husband. Count your blessings.

Some people seem desperate to believe that single mothers with only children live in a vacuum, consumed by loneliness and anger .

I have four children, work fulltime, have just finished cancer treatment and my cats are assholes, do I get the Most Entitled To Be Stressed Award?
I'm not stressed though and I've rarely had to raise my voice to my dc over the years. Including through the teen years. My ds was the hardest moodiest drama llama teen, he's calmed down now, my girls were and still are a dream. I don't even bicker with DH much. We are a ND family and all fairly cool calm and collected in our routines. A big family doesn't have to mean shouting and chaos.
Four

I know lots of people have said the difference is her one child to your four - but I think another big difference is her (currently) not having to work for money vs you having to work FT.

Did you plan 4 kids from the start OP, or did it happen as you went along? How many siblings in your household growing up?

I’m a single mum of an 11 year old dd. We are super close and our home is pretty and girlie and generally pretty calm. I can read a book on the sofa whilst she chills in her room. I love it! But I am incredibly jealous of proper families. Two parents.. (someone to share the load with!).. siblings.. the chaos and noise of a normal home. Sitting down for family dinners.. with just two of us it always feels a bit lonely!

I have boys. Me aside, the two most important things in their lives are their father and their sibling. Her DD (presumably) has neither.
There's time yet for any hidden anger or feelings of abandonment to rear it's head. Statistically, and long term, I'd rather be you anyday.

The dd has a father. Her mum and dad get on well so that ruins your nasty little bitchy post.

What a vile thing to say. There are many lovely only children brought up by single parents. Waiting for something to go wrong to make yourself feel better just means you’re a shitty person. What I would say is children with shitty parents tend to have shitty kids! Nasty little fuckers that love other people’s hard times.

Maybe she's jealous of you too OP. She might see you and think how nice to have a DH & such a big family. Where your DC have siblings etc. As someone said .. the grass is always greener on the other side
Just enjoy the life that you have x

I have boys. Me aside, the two most important things in their lives are their father and their sibling. Her DD (presumably) has neither.
There's time yet for any hidden anger or feelings of abandonment to rear it's head. Statistically, and long term, I'd rather be you anyday.

@Tyrantosaurus He's dead, so he isn't going to be leaving me any time soon!

I have boys, they're absolutely wild. I love it! I'm planning to adopt my next child, I'd love a daughter but I'd give my arm for another boy also 🥰 I just love hearing them play or chat, just anything. They're all amazing!
Children are gifts, just enjoy them 💙
Youre a very lucky mum 💖

Definitely unfair of you to feel resentment towards her. We have a large family and I know it’s hard work and can totally understand it if you sometimes felt like she doesn’t know she’s born but I’d hope you’d recognise your blessings in the scheme of things. Although really your just sadly probably too overwhelmed at the moment. My advice from personal experience is, is it really necessary for you to work full time? I say this in the context of there are plenty of other families with 4 children who manage without both parents working full time and who don’t even high salaries. By moving to a cheaper part of the country , not having regular holidays, expensive days out, latest phone, menu planning etc. Also would it be possible for you to get any kid free time? I’m sure if you had some regular headspace and more time it would help you re energise and possible even reorganise to enable you to enjoy your family. I once read a study which said the better organised a house was and it’s running the less likely siblings squabbled. Although there’s always going to be stressful aspects to having 4 children and the cleaning and cooking and laundry is relentless, it does all eventually get easier. However while your in the here and now though it’s a lot easier to cope if you do get a regular break. Are your boys all at school/pre school so if you did 4 days a week would you get a day off each week you can get some headspace and just focus on getting the housework, planning the weekend, batch cooking etc done?