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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be jealous of how my friend is raising her daughter?

529 replies

woodenstuck · 27/02/2022 14:29

My best friend is a single mum to an 8 year old girl. I have 4 children, all boys, and a husband. I love them all dearly and wouldn't change them for the world but I was round at my friends this morning for a coffee and I can't help but feel a pit of jealousy when I am with her and her daughter.

Their house is so cosy and girly and they have an amazing relationship, almost 'banter'. The daughter respects her mum and they genuinely belly laugh together. They're always spending time together, going days out at the weekend. My friend just seems to have a stress free and enjoyable life.

I love my boys but I have 4 of them and work full time (friend is at uni and supported by her parents) as does my husband, so it's hard to spend time with them all individually so I guess I don't have that close close bond I see my friend has with her daughter. All they do is fight and bicker and I have other things to be getting on with at the weekend so days out are few and far between.

Being in their house this morning, everything is so calm and quiet and happy and she can sit in peace in the kitchen and enjoy her coffee and read her book or just genuinely enjoy her daughters company. I feel like the way she is raising her daughter she is already a lot more mature than her age and I worry I am doing my boys some sort of disservice.

It's making me feel resentment towards my friend. Like when she says she's stressed with uni work I just want to scream because I'm like you don't even know the meaning of stress! Her life seems serene.

I don't know what I'm asking really I just needed to Vent I suppose.

OP posts:
HeadNorth · 27/02/2022 14:34

Surely this is just the difference between having one child and having 4? You obviously decided you wanted a large family and I would have thought anyone making that decision was not looking for a calm serene family life.

MangshorJhol · 27/02/2022 14:33

That’s because she has one child and you have four?? And you work FT. I have two boys and our house isn’t massively chaotic. I am not ‘cosy’ with my kids though- we are not friends. I am still their mum.

I don’t see a child being mature for her age as a positive. I like that my boys, especially my 10 year old is quite ‘young.’

XelaM · 27/02/2022 14:32

Err.. as a single mum with a daughter i think you're being ridiculous. Being a single parent is sooooo hard and she is probably feeling extremely guilty that her daughter is growing upnin a quiet house with no siblings

Darker · 27/02/2022 14:32

Well, the grass is always greener, as they say. She may look at you and think it must be wonderful to have a partner, a great job, and four wonderful boys.