How do you accept that you aren't beautiful?

@Lyonic Do you feel the same thing about men or are you just being a goady fucker?

"settling"??

What does that even mean. Ignore OP, you're not alone in potentially benefiting from therapy it seems.

Yes he probably would if they were both single. But again, what's wrong with that?

I'm sure there are far better looking men around than your husband but I'm going to guess he doesn't let that get him down.

You need to read the old Craigslist thread. www.snopes.com/fact-check/fools-gold-digger/

I'm an ugly brute but I make everyone laugh & I'm pretty intelligent if I do say so myself.

We can't have it all, unfortunately.

I think you have a core believe that you need to ''earn'' your boyfriend's love/fidelity through being beautiful.

Is he incredibly handsome? Probably not. But he found your love?

Is he the right guy for you? if you feel your bond can be broken by a prettier girl strolling past, is this the relationship for you? Can you relax in to this uncertainty?

I'd rather be single tbh.

I'm not beautiful, average looking. But i refuse to feel apologetic about that. As somebody who wrote a book once said, I don't owe the world ''pretty''.

The same way as I accept that I'm not a gifted scientist, that I'm not a competition-level tennis player, that I can't draw beautifully (or at all) - shrug it off, think about things I do have going for me.

It's a weird thing that people seem much more reluctant to settle for 'good enough' when it comes to their appearance than they are for other, objectively more important things. Very few people are devastated that they're not as clever as a Nobel prize winner and decide that they must therefore be incredibly hideous. But people seem to genuinely consider it a failure that they don't look like a Hollywood actress and think that they must therefore be hideous.

@Lyonic

‘As a man, just saying, but pretty much all women over 30 are past it from a physical stand point.

Don't think for a second that anyone who says otherwise isnt settling.’

😂 As a woman, I just wasted 20% of a perfectly good negroni spitting it at my screen. No, most men don’t think this. Making yourself feel big by trying to make the OP feel bad isn’t hard, it’s a bit.. soft.

Don’t take any notice OP. Lyonic is unhappy and looking for attention. Off to therapy with you Lyonic!

I have always been of below average looks. As I age, I am positively ugly. This might therefore influence my thinking. However, I think there are many more important things to value yourself (and others) for than beauty - loyalty, integrity, kindness, generosity, compassion, bravery, resilience, intelligence, erudition, wit, practicality, a cool head in a crisis, an interest in others and the world around you, to name a few off the top of my head.

All these attributes are engaging and can enhance one’s charisma regardless of physical looks.

My face is reasonably attractive but my body could never compete with modern standards. I was always plump/overweight, unless I’m on a diet, so I’m “thinner” for a year or two. I’ve got this apple shaped body that doesn’t carry weight well. Only now in my mid 30s I started to realise that it’s actually nice to give up this fight for people’s approval. I don’t want to compete anymore for this shallow attention. I want to be healthy and content now. If someone doesn’t like the way I look, it’s ok. I’m not attracted to every single person either.

[quote HariboMaroon]@000oooh

You’re not past it at age 30 irrespective of what the bloke with the small penis said.[/quote]
This ^^

Why is it important to be beautiful?

@000oooh

You’re not past it at age 30 irrespective of what the bloke with the small penis said.

Yep, bet @Lyonic is drop dead gorgeous though

All the cosmetics enhancements in the world won’t make a difference. This is about your self worth. And if you don’t nip this now, the more you get obsessed with this the duller you will be and the less interested in you people will be. I know that is harsh - but no one is loved or liked for their looks. (Lusted after and admired yes, but that is icing not cake, and anyway you’ve already said you are nice looking, so plenty of people will find you attractive).

At present you are projecting your feelings onto other people (I can tell you right now your boyfriend’s mate was not smiling at you as if you were a puppy. He was emailing at you in a friendly way - what’s he meant to do, be overcome by your beauty and stick his tongue in your ear?)

1. Most people are not beautiful
2. When I like someone ( in any way) I am literally blind to their actual looks- I only see their inner loveliness . I think most people do this.

OP there's always someone more beautiful out there, it's the insecurity torturing you really.

And trust me looks do fade, even from the most beautiful faces.

Op are you quite young?

I've found this shit matters wayyy less as I get older (I'm in my 40s)

Does your partner not make you feel gorgeous? I hate it when DH says I look “nice” after hours of getting ready. I tell him “nice “ is for his grandma, not his wife.
I have a beautiful family member who’s similar in age. Was constantly reminded of my plainness ,never to her, by family from when I was tiny.
She never had to work at anything : she would just turn up, be beautiful and things would happen
She currently lives in a huge house her DH bought her ( she no longer needs to work, of course )
She’s never saved or sacrificed for her current life.
But she is fairly miserable. I think she feels about should’ve had MORE than she already does ?

Weirdly, my DH is much more attractive so ….

The vast majority of people aren’t beautiful, as you said yourself. You can still be sexy, smart, kind, funny: a huge amount of things that make you appealing.

I am very unattractive so I get it. Big nose, thin lips, flat chested, horrible lank hair etc. Not sure what to say but I understand where you are coming from. Sure you're not unattractive but I understand feeling that way.

Most the 'attractive' men I know I wouldn't ever date if I were single.

Because they often know it and act as such and that's incredibly unattractive.