How do you accept that you aren't beautiful?

I think about my daughter tbh, and when I talk about (or think about, to myself) my looks/body I think about the message I want to instill in her. My thighs are therefore never fat, they are strong and good for long walks, which I love doing. My eyes have lots of wrinkles now, but I have great eyelashes and I'd like to think somewhat of a spark in them. My skin is pock-marked and sometimes still blemished, but it's a million times better than when I was in my teens.

I don't think I'm ugly, I think I can pass for pretty when I try. But I'd like to think that's the least interesting thing about me, just like my daughters looks (which, incidentally, she is incredibly beautiful) is the least interesting thing about her as a person.

How old are you? I feel this is very pertinent because through my 20s and mid 30s I could've written this myself. I hated looking in the mirror.

From mid 30s until now, at the age of 41, I realise that I am, and have always been aesthetically pleasing, but what is more important is, I've always been an extremely beautiful, kind and caring person.

And some people dont realise they are beautiful and ask questions like this. Beauty is what you make it, what some people find beautiful others think are hideous, a list celebs or music stars for example. Even the most beautiful get cheated on. And nobody ever is happy with their looks, the beautiful ones pay a fortune to keep their looks until there is nothing left but plastic. Even our freshfaced teens and twenty somethings are putting needles full of shit into their faces. Youre just feeling a bit down, maybe get to know her, and become her friend, youll find she probably has a million things she doesnt like about heself.

Those women all spend a lot of money to cling on to their youth, it's no way to live. Fair enough to eat healthily and do regular exercise but we all know celebrities whose cosmetic surgery has gone wrong.

OP are you sad you aren't super intelligent? Or that you don't have an incredible singing voice? Or that you aren't an amazing chef? Or you haven't written prize-winning books? Or you aren't a fantastic actor? Or you can't play an instrument at a high level? Or you can't play top level sport? Or you aren't an incredible photographer?

No-one is at the top of every field. You are a mixture of characteristics, some of which will be better than the majority of people, and some won't. The people who love you will always find you beautiful because they love you.

I’m sure this will be a wildly unpopular opinion on here but if you feel your nose ruins the rest of your face have you considered a nose job? If it really bothers you that much why not just change it permanently so you don’t spend the rest of your life agonising over it. It would be cheaper that getting fillers for the rest of your life too.

I've done a lot of things to improve the way I look.

I've had a lot of Botox and fillers, I've had a nose job and breast enhancement.

I've spent a lot of money and most days I think I preferred the way I looked before.

It's what's inside that matters 100%

Same way I accept not being a billionaire, not having five children, not having any power or fame, and dying one day.

You sound like you’re struggling with comparing yourself to others. Comparison is the thief of joy…

they stand a chance vs some 20 year old who need the help

Stand a chance of what exactly?
More like dodged a bullet.

I'm glad I'm not beautiful (and instead 'average' looking) for very selfish reasons. I've never enjoyed being the centre of attention and I would dislike the attention being beautiful would attract. One of my work friends when I was younger was very, very beautiful (think blonde, tall, leggy, very pretty face). She was also really quite shy and self-effacing in her personality. I remember asking her one day and being absolutely shocked at the amount of unwanted attention she had to put up with. Men trying to talk to her and chat her up the whole time, who just wouldn't take no for an answer, who could get quite aggressive in demanding her attention. It all sounded awful and very wearing. It made me very happy to be largely 'invisible' to those sorts of people.

I've also managed to have most things that make me happy in life - my family, DH, DS, a job I enjoy, lots of fun holidays - without needing to be beautiful so I can't really complain .

@Lyonic "As a man, just saying, but pretty much all women over 30 are past it from a physical stand point.

Don't think for a second that anyone who says otherwise isnt settling."

As a woman of 35 I'm sure I look great because I've looked after myself like most women do and I don't need men to tell me so. I've been out tonight and seen many women over the age of thirty that look fantastic. The same can't be said for most of the blokes who seem to have let themselves go and have no sense of style and beer guts...who said that men age well? Certainly I've not seen it often in my experience...

How does it feel trolling women asking for advice on a website? Does it make you feel confident? Are you sitting in your mum's basement? Feel free to share

Is your partner better looking than movie stars and models? I’d venture no. would you rather be with a movie star/model/attractive person than your partner? I doubt it- so your partner probably feels the same about you - beauty is in the eye of the beholder - and loving someone is about so much more than beauty.

I thought the Ukraine situation was tragic but this has topped that.
Get help and get a grip.

I can honestly say I never worry about the fact I am not beautiful. Hard to explain why though. I'm just happy within myself, I know DH loves me, and I have other qualities which I am confident about.

What about Jane Goodall, 87. She's still beautiful.

They've had work done.
Seriously stop obsessing about this stuff.

[quote Luredbyapomegranate]@Lyonic

‘As a man, just saying, but pretty much all women over 30 are past it from a physical stand point.

Don't think for a second that anyone who says otherwise isnt settling.’

😂 As a woman, I just wasted 20% of a perfectly good negroni spitting it at my screen. No, most men don’t think this. Making yourself feel big by trying to make the OP feel bad isn’t hard, it’s a bit.. soft.

Don’t take any notice OP. Lyonic is unhappy and looking for attention. Off to therapy with you Lyonic![/quote]
I think its thenold ladies trying to convince themselves they stand a chance vs some 20 year old who need the help xD

How can you say to any man that based solely on looks its any different?

OP needs to stop focusing on looks as its a losers game in the end anyway. Conmect with your other half and take solace that what you bring to the table is more than looks.. Geez!

OP I can empathise. But I would encourage you to think that looks are only the start. For example, you meet a guy and think he’s handsome, but you talk to him, realise he’s an arsehole and the awe falls away. Beauty is something that is noticeable initially, but it’s shallow and superficial.

1. However beautiful you are, there will always be someone more beautiful even if only in the eye of certain beholders.
2. Beauty fades. People who have it have to live with losing their looks and coming to terms with no longer turning heads or having people give them special treatment.

I'm spectacularly ugly and it matters a lot less now I am middle-aged and just as invisible as an attractive middle-aged woman.

I’m not sure how exactly, it’s just not something I worry about anymore. I definitely did when I was younger. I’m mid 30s now, by no means beautiful but reasonably attractive-ish when I make an effort. Sometimes if I meet a very gorgeous woman I feel a slight pang of envy but it’s only fleeting.

I have a DP who loves me and have people in my life who care about me. I am reasonably comfortable financially and try to find joy in the simple things. Appearances don’t feel as important as they once did. We all get old, looks fade for everyone. It doesn’t feel as important in the big scheme of everything. I hope you find some peace with it and no longer feel intimidated by others.

Look at what has happened to poor Linda Evangelista - once one of the most beautiful women in the world - now just ordinary, but so distraught that she has been in hiding for years.

That's no way to lead your life

I'm so glad I'm not young now. I have never given any thought to not being beautiful. I don't think I have ever even been described as pretty or cute (not that that was used when I was young).

Neither would I describe any of my friends as beautiful though they all have wonderful qualities.
I would say that beauty is by definition only most exceptional so why should I expect to be exceptional, I am pretty average but I am happy to be average.