To insist DD has her own cubicle (or one with a friend?)

I said to my husband I am not comfortable with my 8 year old sharing a cubicle with another boy due to a lack of facilities when he said why don’t they stagger when the children leave the pool so in our Schools case 30 kids followed by another 30. 10 mins for the first lot to get ready and then 10 minutes for the second lot?!? Swim England states children should have their privacy from age 8 upwards we tach them about boundaries and then expect them to get ready in a cubicle with another boy or girl regardless of if they are comfortable or not. They should have separate cubicles and if a lack of facilities usage should be staggered. Thinking of not letting my kid go.

Body autonomy and good body confidence should BOTH be important. She’s acting like this because she’s been over taught about autonomy and now she’s ashamed

That’s pretty harsh. How on earth do you know she’s been ‘over taught about autonomy’?

It will likely be because of the absence of a male teacher to supervise the boys.

I remember this kind of thing from school, as an early developer it was murder. I nurtured my verrucca, and refused to have it treated so it got me out of the weekly torment. I still do not like getting changed in front of other people but am a dab hand with a towel now. Definitely suggest you show your daughter how to do this, it will stand her in good stead for future situations. Unfortunately people often do not understand or respect the wish for privacy when changing.

finisterre.com/collections/changing-robes/products/vean-robe-organic-cotton-chilli

The White Company used to do good changing robes. Not sure if they still do them but they were great. I got my DCs one each of these now they are bigger, really useful for the beach

Is the reason the boys use cubicles because there's no male teacher? If there are only female teachers, they can't let the boys go into a male open changing room by themselves, so giving them cubicles with them standing outside will be the only way they can technically supervise them. And if availability of cubicles is limited, this could be why the boys have them.

Generally boys are given less privacy/modesty etc. with stuff like this, so I doubt they decided to just give the boys cubicles and the girls no without a valid reason.

Your daughter will have to, sadly, get used to this as once she goes to the secondary there won't be the option for cubicles for PE and the showers afterwards which again will most likely be communal.

[quote SuperSocks]@ldontWanna

How is she supposed to go to the toilet as swimming is normally in the afternoon?

She can change into her costume in the school loos at lunchtime.[/quote]
Or she can wear a 2 piece swimsuit.

And, unsurprisingly schools all do their own thing. There is no "normally in the afternoon". All the schools round here swim in the morning as that's when the local pool offers school swimming sessions.

I don’t like the posts that suggest it is your daughter’s problem, or some way that you have brought her up. She is 9, that is the verge of puberty for some girls. She absolutely should know that her body is private if she wishes for goodness sake. In the next breath there will be a thread about inappropriate photos being passed around at school, of girls being persuaded to send naked photos etc to boys and how can we protect them and help them understand they don’t need to do this . We teach our girls that it’s ok to not be happy with showing their body to anyone - other girls and adult female teachers included - unless they want to. Being ok naked in front of mum is an entirely different matter . You support her wonderfully well don’t for one minute think it is her fault (sure you don’t ) or yours . Find her a solution - the towel idea is the simplest and quickest so just go for it !

Some great ideas on here - love the velcro towel!

My only other thought is check whether anyone is being mean, I know DD had problems at PE changing because the mean girls liked to point at her and insult her body while she was getting changed.

@ldontWanna

How is she supposed to go to the toilet as swimming is normally in the afternoon?

She can change into her costume in the school loos at lunchtime.

We had the local swimming pool booked out so no adults in the changing rooms. There is always a male teacher placed in yrs 3 and 4 for the swim runs, the school I volunteer in is a 3 form entry.

Logistics wise we had all the yr 3 boys in the communal changing room at one end, yr 4 boys in specified rows of cubicles and the male teacher at that end. At the opposite end the same set up yr3 girls in a communal changing room, yr4 girls in cubicles with a female teacher.

Due to staffing ratios I was also there in the girls end making sure that the divide was kept as we had 60 children per run and 3 runs over a morning. We had a one male teacher for each run to deal with any issues with the boys. We were lucky that size of the changing rooms and staff ratios meant we could facilitate this.

Being on a swim run is vastly different than PE as they strip naked. They can feel much more vulnerable. I would approach school and ask what the set up is and then see about a cubicle. I believe we did have a yr3 girl in a cubicle. We tended to do 2 per cubicle as a safety measure in case a child suddenly became ill. With a single child in a cubicle you had to stand near to that door as a safeguarding measure. I think we had 4 members of staff per swim run of 60 children, 2 buses.

You could always ask to see the risk assessment for the swim run if there are members of the public in there.

I’m shocked that children of her age are asked to get undressed all together in this day and age. I don’t think you should ask to go in with her as you’ll look like a helicopter parent, but how about this:

She wears her swimming costume under her school uniform, there, so she doesn’t haven’t to get undressed. Then, get one of those massive surfer beach hoodies, so she can wear that over herself, to hide under whilst getting back into her uniform. And, if possible, provide her with a button down shirt rather than polo t shirt on swimming days so she can put it on under the hoodie.

Tbh, it’s no surprise that lots of girls drop out of sports. This is not fair treatment, for girls who are starting puberty and some of them, having periods! I used to hate school swimming lessons for this reason, I found it utterly humiliating to get dressed with 40 girls I didn’t know (3 classes), and I would pull a sickie on every occasion I could, to get out of it.

Op you cant go in and help her, baby in tow. Imagine of every parent wanted to do that? There would be carnage.

You need to get her a changing towel. Its not ideal and I understand your frustration but going in isn't going to happen or help

@Tilltheend99 and @Hippee my PE teachers at secondary school did the same thing. We had a queue at either end of the shower block and they'd whip the towel off and watch to make sure you got wet then the next girl would be sent in.

Of course she should be able to have the privacy, regardless of what is provided for the boys. So maybe don’t see it as the boys have privacy and the girls don’t conflict ie ‘it’s unfair’ as
that is losing the point I think, and the boys are also entitled to their own privacy . . Focus on her need ( right if you like ) for personal privacy. As others have said it may be that this is all that is being provided by the baths - (and maybe this in itself is questionable . ) with the girls getting the communal change are as the thought of a lot of. 9 year old boys all naked is maybe too much ........ You are not being unreasonable and I would raise this issue directly with the headteacher - by letter if it is impossible to talk to them. All schools should be very sensitive to issues of personal privacy and the head may be unaware of this . If there are any problems I would ask to see their policy on protecting children/safeguarding etc. Your daughter clearly needs this support and it would
be awful
if she was put off swimming because of this. Good for her for asking and shame on the teachers for refusing - girls should never be made to feel it was wrong to be assertive about their personal space. This would
be enough for me to complain about tbh. The suggestion of a swim change towel/poncho is absolutely spot on too and may be all the help she needs. But don’t