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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feel like I've failed my DS

30 replies

bubbletrouble18 · 20/02/2022 18:59

I posted on another thread but there's not much traffic, so thought i would try AIBU. Sorry.

DS is nearly 5 and in the last 6 weeks we've noticed his behaviour has become out of control. I have spoken to his teacher about this who agrees that it's very hit and miss with him, he has full potential but his behaviour is holding him back. I've contacted the school nurse who is going to hopefully get back to me next week, and his teacher has also contacted her.

DS behaviour is always 100mph. Everything has to happen straight away. He doesn't walk, he sprints. Anger is rage, throwing, hitting, spitting, screaming. Happiness is screaming at the top of his lungs and running around at the speed of light. Sadness is sobbing, taking himself off and not wanting any comfort. He hates the attention being on anyone else. If DH and I are chatting, he stands between us talking over us, or starts doing something that will catch our attention (like drawing on walls). He is very rough with his little brother who is 11 months. I've wondered if it's a bit of a delayed response to suddenly having a sibling, but he has always been lovely with his brother and very caring/good at sharing.

No matter how much we take him out, what we do, where we go, how long we do it for, he NEVER runs out of energy. Our living room is an assault course for him, his bedroom is a fighting ring and he cannot sit still or concentrate on ANYTHING for more than 5 minutes. I don't think I've ever seen him sit still for more than that. If we don't get what he's asked for or do what he wants within a second he will run off to his room screaming and having a tantrum. I never leave him to it and always try to comfort/reason with him and tell him how much I love him and how I understand things can be hard sometimes.

He also doesn't stop talking, I mean does.not.stop. Even if he's using the toilet, he talks, brushing his teeth, he talks, eating, he talks.

He is such a lovely, caring boy, and he is so bright. Amazing with his reading and writing, his maths is coming along really well and he's never missed any milestones or regressed. He gets 11 hours of sleep at night, and a good diet (we've become very strict with sugar/unhealthy snacks).

I'm at a lose. I feel like I've failed him, and failed everyone. I'm trying so hard to be firm but fair, burn his energy, take him to all sorts of fun places, let him have some calm time, he has a good routine, a good social circle etc.

What am I doing wrong?? Do I need to speak to his HV/GP also? I'm really struggling as I'm starting to worry every single morning about what the day will bring.

Sorry for the rant, I'm just desperate.

OP posts:
Yogurtpotofdoom · 21/02/2022 07:39

Agree with others about getting him assessed for ASD/ADHD.

Has he always been like this or did it all begin when starting school? Is in in reception or year 1? He's had a lot of big changes in the last 12 months really with school and a sibling. I'm not surprised He's finding it hard.

Something you mentioned about never leaving him alone. My DS is suspected to have autism (we're waiting on the assessment outcome). He's better at calming down when he is left to do it alone and by himself. He cannot be reasoned with TBH. He's at an age now where he has a good understanding of his own emotions and even he says he is better being left alone. Something to think about.

Original poster
bubbletrouble18 · 21/02/2022 07:30

@Covidpositive19 @Bagelsandbrie

Thank you both for your lovely words. I have done some limited reading on ADHD but I haven't wanted to self-diagnose him. Looking back even when was 2 he had these characteristics, hyperactivity, very aggressive tantrums etc but it's so difficult trying to distinguish between a passing phase or something more.

His teach has said to "watch and wait" but definitely start to get the ball rolling in the mean time. I'll contact his GP this morning and email the school nurse again.

@LightfoldEngines - thank you for your reply, it's interesting to see how the characteristics present. Do you have any advice on seeking some advice/support for him? I really want to help him as much as I can because DH and I can see he really struggles with his emotions, it must be so overwhelming for him xx

OP posts:
LightfoldEngines · 20/02/2022 19:34

Screams ADHD or ASD here. I have both. One of my children has one, one has just ADHD. All 3 of us have very different presentations but my only ADHD child presented like this.

Bagelsandbrie · 20/02/2022 19:28

@Covidpositive19

You haven’t failed him, of course you haven’t.

From your post it sounds like he probably has ADHD. But if I’m right this isn’t diagnosed until age 7 in the UK, and that’s because it’s harder to know for in a young child. So you have absolutely not failed him.

If I was you I’d ask for a referral from the GP, and get a meeting set up with school: his teacher and the SENCO. Establish what exactly the issues are with his behaviour in school, and discuss what their suggested strategies are.

Good luck OP.

All of this.

You haven’t failed him. Not one little bit. Flowers

Covidpositive19 · 20/02/2022 19:27

You haven’t failed him, of course you haven’t.

From your post it sounds like he probably has ADHD. But if I’m right this isn’t diagnosed until age 7 in the UK, and that’s because it’s harder to know for in a young child. So you have absolutely not failed him.

If I was you I’d ask for a referral from the GP, and get a meeting set up with school: his teacher and the SENCO. Establish what exactly the issues are with his behaviour in school, and discuss what their suggested strategies are.

Good luck OP.