To be considering leaving my depressed husband?

I've been in a similar situation and it was awful, so I really do feel for you.

The relationship was toxic because like you, I felt like I was walking on eggshells.

He went to the GP and was put on a list for counselling and put on medication. The medication did help his mood which was great, but it also had side affects that affected our relationship ( he couldn't get it up 😂) it totally wasn't funny at the time though and I felt so terribly for him.

He was on the medication for about 13 months. The counselling appointment never came. He was reluctant to seek private therapy. This really frustrated me as he wasn't doing everything he could to get better when our relationship was on the line.

He's now much better. I've skimmed over that time in this post but it was a truly awful time. I nearly left on 3 occasions where he was just horrible and completely not himself.

We'd been together 5 years when the depression started, we're now 7 years together and I can honestly say he's better now than when I first met him. I think there was always a mild depression there in the background, but now it's completely gone and he's a better person for it.

We're really happy again, like we once were. It feels good to have got to the other side however I wouldn't blame other people for not sticking with it, especially when you have children. It really is so tough.

Do you think it's just the depression that's making you feel this way? Or is there other stuff?

It sounds really difficult.

I would probably give him a chance to start medication and therapy (I'd want him to do both). If he doesn't do it, then leave.

If he's trying to help himself, at least you feel respected. I would insist on therapy as well as medication because he also needs to learn coping skills because having depression isn't a get out of jail free card for treating your family poorly. Nor is depression a permanent state, he needs to at least try to work through it to a place of more happiness or contentment

It's not unreasonable to find life hard if your partner is experiencing poor mental health, but it would be unreasonable to consider leaving him for being depressed.

However, if he won't get help then leave because he's showing that he is unwilling to help himself, or show any long term concern for the family wellbeing.

It’s perfectly fine to set boundaries around what you expect from him in terms of taking responsibility for managing his mental health.

I would expect him to be in weekly therapy, exercising regularly, in a good routine with eating and sleeping and minimising alcohol at the least. If this wasn’t enough then possibly an SSRI or St. John’s wort type supplement.

It’s not his fault if he’s depressed but no one can change it but him, it’s not ok to allow it to impact on the family.

"Walking on eggshells" is no way to live. I threw in the towel with my first marriage and it was the best decision I ever made.

Wedding vows are made with the best of intentions, but when it turns into sacrificing your own life and happiness in perpetuity it becomes untenable. I got sick to death of setting myself on fire to keep someone else warm.

You only have one life. How you decide to live it is up to you.

Leave. Life's too short to deal with someone who is dragging you down. Depression can be helped by exercise, diet, supplements as well as going down the medication route and I'd have no time for someone who wasn't being pro-active in trying to get better.

Your kids deserve better, let alone you

Give him a chance to go to the GP and see how it goes from there.

But no, I wouldn't stay with someone who suffered from depression, impacted my life, and refused to get it treated. Thats just selfish.

I have no advice - but I am in a similar situation. It’s shit and yanbu wanting to get out.

If he doesn’t get help I would leave