To be considering leaving my depressed husband?

If he’s booked a gp appointment he at least acknowledges there’s a problem and is taking a step to fix it. See how that goes, but remember if he’s referred to an nhs mental health service it’ll still be weeks/months before he gets treatment.

I lived with my dad's depression. It was really hard and is classed as an adverse childhood experience (ACE). I wouldn't put my dc through an ACE with no hope of the person struggling helping themselves.

so tough and i feel your pain. i'm in a similar situation. he refuses to acknowledge anything is wrong though. meanwhile i'm on eggshells constantly. can't sleep. can't function. it's massively stressful and there's no answer for a quick fix. if you said to him you were moving out then how long would it take you to find somewhere and in that transition time are you safe, etc etc.
hope something happens soon which changes it all for you. fingers crossed.

Personally I remember the sheer relief when my parents separated and I no longer spent my whole life walking on eggshells.

I loved my dad but my parents obvious unhappiness was awful.

Time with both parents was much better after they lived separately. My dads mental even improved for quite a while without the marital stress and only having us kids got fixed periods.

Living with someone with uncontrolled and untreated mental health issues is not something I would ever recommend and I do not think people should ever feel guilty for protecting their own and Childrens mental health in that situation.

Mid March is useless. Call the surgery and ask for an urgent appointment and tell your DH that getting treatment is non negotiable.

*One thing that's really getting to me, which may be unfair, is that I feel like we have no family time. We are not making any happy family memories for our DC. Everything I do with the kids is by myself or with family / friends because he's too miserable to come and even pretend that he's enjoying spending time with us.
*
A divorce won't get anymore family time. Leaving isn't the only option, especially if you want more time as a family.

I agree @CallMeDaddy58
People are quick to leave over anything. In reality, it's either not possible or something all parties will bitterly regret.

Very premature move to leave because of this, and I hate to say it, but his points about not being supportive could be valid if you're not willing to talk about things anymore and are prepared to leave without giving a chance (or even ultimatum).

YANBU - but rather than just leaving I feel it is worth discussing how you feel with him - in a proper formal way - that you are thinking of leaving and he needs to make more effort now. He has agreed he has a problem and is willing to get help which is progress - how about he tries to get an appointment before mid-March (that sounds ridiculous) and what about therapy in the mean-time. GP will prescribe medication and/or refer for therapy but the wait will be long. He should look into private therapy - if money is tight there are charities and low cost options. It would be a shame to take the drastic step of leaving which might see him spiral downwards. This does need to be him taking these steps though.

If you take depression out of the equation, this sounds a lot like an abusive relationship to me. Making you feel like you’re walking on eggshells in your own home, being cruel to you and calling you useless, and not participating in family life.

And I don’t think anyone should have to tolerate abuse in a relationship, for any period of time or for any reason.

My husband starting feeling depressed new year’s day. Doctor saw him a week or two later, now he’s on happy pills and they’ll start improving things for him gradually.

You can’t just give up so easily, blimey! Get him sorted with counselling (private or nhs) and anti depressant tablets and start the road to recovery.

You need to tell him how unhappy you are and how seriously you need him to get help. You don't want to make it all about you but if you don't tell him and then one day suddenly just leave it will be much worse for him. I wouldn't say anything right now though or it will be hanging over him. Tell him a few days before his appointment, he needs to know how important it is to you that he goes - the rest is up to him though.

In the meantime don't accept him belittling you, stay calm but tell him 'please don't speak to me like that it is belittling'. If he continues then leave the room. If he is being nasty then tell him the same, don't hang around to let him take his shit out on you - remember it is his issue not yours though.

If he does go to the docs then I would give him 6 months to see that he is actually prepared to work at this, have a very firm deadline. In the meantime get everything in place that you need to so if he isn't prepared to put in the effort then you are prepared.

Being depressed and putting in the effort to get the help you need is one thing, abusing your wife and being nasty while wallowing in your misery and doing nothing to help yourself is another. You can't make him get help, but if he won't you don't have to put up with a lifetime of this either - that's not helping anyone.

I imagine mental health issues end more relationships than physical ones but I don’t think that’s to do with ignorance surrounding mental health. It’s surely to do with the relationship changing more. If you can’t laugh, reminisce, relate et to each other because the person is angry and insults you then a lot more changes at the core of the relationship.

I’d never give anyone a hard time for leaving a relationship because of mental health issues. I think staying with someone who is making you miserable won’t teach your children anything positive as others say.

I was going to suggest you stay until he's been to the gp and if he doesn't follow his gp's advice then go. But then I read this I go to bed most nights (we don't even sleep in the same room now) and just cry because I want to leave so badly I suggest you make plans to leave before then

Being depressed is not an excuse to treat you like shit.

I have severe depression and had it on and off for over a decade, never once have I been cruel or verbally abusive to anyone. He's using it as an excuse, I would leave.

He'd say it's because he's always suffered with it, just not as badly as right now
It still stands.

He doesn't get to excuse years of negative behaviour to his partner and family by retrospectively saying 'but I've always been depressed' when his behaviour is challenged or questioned. That would be a big red flag to me because it sounds like he thinks he has a get out of jail free card to keep you tolerating it.

If he was experiencing depression and you were thinking of leaving because it's a month til an appointed and life was a bit rough living with someone with poor mental health health then I'd say you were unreasonable, but this is someone who hasnt treated you respectfully for years.

You're entitled to be in a happy and healthy relationship OP. Women aren't men's fixers and there is a huge difference between 'in sickness and in health' when a relationship is healthy healthy respectful, and one person expecting their partner to tolerate endless poor treatment.

Sorry pressed post too soon - wouldn't put up with someone treating me horribly and blaming their MH for it AGAIN. My ex blamed his childhood trauma for his depression and anxiety (when he wasn't blaming me) and I felt horribly guilty in leaving but MH isn't an excuse to treat someone poorly.

My husband has been suffering on and off for the past six years. He took tablets initially and then stopped. He's the worst he's ever been recently and he's gone to drs and been prescribed tablets. In my head I'd decided that if he didn't actively seek help then I'd be telling him k was going. It's not fair on any of us. I'm willing to help him, but he needs to help himself.

I can see this from the other side as I made my DPs life hell for 6 years when I was anorexic.

I did engage in treatment and am recovered now but honestly, I was awful. I am eternally grateful for him for sticking by me. I wouldn’t have blamed him if he left.

It’s not his depression’s fault that he’s bullying you. That’s on him.

I think you should leave, but not because he has depression - because he is horrible to you! I am severely depressed but I never take out how I feel on my boyfriend. There's no excuse for that.

Has he sought treatment previously?

If not then you need to let him get help first.

I suffer from depression and I wouldn't blame anyone for not wanting to live with me. It's a really selfish illness where you see everything through the prism of 'me'. Yes, it's hard to make an effort but it doesn't mean you can't make an effort.

It's a terrible illness that requires hard work and discipline to deal with, which are the very two things that are difficult to muster when you're depressed. It's a vicious cycle and the negativity is draining for those who live with the sufferer. No matter how sympathetic you are, ultimately this is your life. And if someone is depriving you of happiness, as cruel as it sounds, you shouldn't have to stay with them.