Moved away from Cornwall and so depressed

YouLookLikeVivieneLeigh · 2022-02-16T16:08:04+00:00

I had wanted always to live in Cornwall, after spending so much time there. Finally I had the opportunity to, after many years. I lived in what I considered to be among the most beautiful and scenic part of Cornwall. Every day I kept thinking 'This is too good to be true'. I also worried that something would go wrong and it would all end. The old saying about 'if something is too good to be true, it usually is' I had previous to living in Cornwall, a very deeply troubled and unhappy past, in a grim part of this country. Moving to Cornwall was a new start, a new me, and it was blissful. I felt like I could be happy and that my life did not have to be so dreadful constantly. Every day, in all types of weather, it was so beautiful. Never in my life had I been so contented. It was a first. Fast forward, and my tenancy came to an end due to the Landlord wanting to sell up. He was very good with me and gave me plenty of time. I could not find anywhere to rent that was affordable, and what was affordable were places that were even worse than what I had left behind! My wages would barely touch some of the huge rents and that was before bills. The local Council could not help as I was from another area, and I understood that. There are enough people born and living in Cornwall who cannot get accommodation. There was nothing else to do but return back to where I had left, back to the miserable area, and move in with an ex. I have no one, no friends or family, but that does not bother me and never has. I am better without others in my life, due to the past. Every morning, I wake up crying. I barely sleep and eat. I am on anti depressants but have been on those for a long time. I shake constantly. I am on a downwards spiral, and as someone who has a lifetime of mental health illness since being a child, I know when I am getting worse. It is dreadful having to leave Cornwall when on holiday, but imagine living there for a long time and then having to return to a dismal built up area with constant noise and traffic fumes, where the only view is cars and run down terraced houses. Where the only scent is one of car fumes and chips? Where the neighbours scream and shout? I lived looking out over the sea, surrounded by countryside, and animals. The air smelt of sea breeze and fresh green grass, and nature. The only noise was that of the sea and animals. Today I felt like I have no chance of ever returning, and if this is all there is for me now, at 58 years old, then I am not continuing much longer. All I want, and please be kind, are some helpful suggestions, because I cannot think of anything anymore of how I can return to this place where I was so happy. Has anyone else been through anything similar? Am I being unreasonable in how I am feeling? Thank you for reading my depressing post.

oakleaffy · 09/06/2024 19:53

YouLookLikeVivieneLeigh · 08/06/2024 16:59

Thank you for your reply and all previous ones.
Sadly, no I never got a chance to go back to living in Cornwall.
The one dream that I had in my entire life, has gone. It did happen though even if it was brief.
Someone told me 'be careful of what you wish for', that old saying! but I had to explain I didnt hate it. I loved it. I just didnt want it to go wrong but it did.
It WAS too good to be true and I kept thinking that while living there, and guess what? I was proven right.
It absolutely destroyed me having to live thereafter in this place, somewhere that I hate and my mental health plummeted. There were and are times when I didnt want to be here, as in this world.
I am alone, and even when people are friendly and talk with me here, I still feel like a fish out of water.
I have greatly improved how the place where I now live looks, and the garden is beautiful but it is still not Cornwall.
I have begun to accept the situation and so it doesnt impact my mental health quite like it did.
The main reason I could not return was lack of opportunity but mostly finances.
There were and are jobs in Cornwall.but absolutely none that would help me to pay for accomodation there, and have any left over for bills and food! This is how many people live in Cornwall. This is why crime rates are high, suicide rates are high and mental health issues high.
There is so much poverty in Cornwall and I am not certain how many holidaymakers see this. Go a few miles outside of the holiday destinations and it is there plain to see. The wealthy buy up places, some rent them out, they work and live elsewhere, and visit occassionally. Meanwhile those who were born and live there have no choice but to rent at overinflated prices for average properties.
I love Cornwall, and I don't mean the usual tourist places, that used to be beautiful until the true soul of them got erased by visitors, pasties and ice cream.
I love the off the beaten track Cornwall. The pure scenery, that costs nothing to view. The parts that are not overun by tourists
Sadly, I know that I will never be able to return due to my financial situation, but have thought of visiting during Autumn/Winter when prices are less expensive for accomodation.
I love Cornwall in all weathers, and there is beauty in the off peak seasons, providing you can cope with the rain and mizzle. I prefer it then. It has its own special beauty that is very different to the Summer holidays.
For now my quality of life is not great, my anxiety and depression is eased somewhat by medication and I just have to accept it and carry on accepting it, just like many people have to. Many millions in this world have it far worse.
Thank you all for your advice and help. It did, and has helped me.
Please no nasty replies as I am quite fragile mentally in some respects.
I have thought of other areas and I did visit some, but for me they just did not compare to Cornwall. I dont know what it is.
Perhaps spending so much time there as a Child and teenager many years ago, plus living there, I just feel 'at home' there, as though it is meant to be.
I wish you all the best.

Show quote history

This is just so sad to read, @YouLookLikeVivieneLeigh .
You really deserve to live in Cornwall, it's an outrage that people who want to live there full time cannot, due to the utter greed of landlords and Air B&B people.

If you feel so at one with a place, there has to be a way back for you?

Of course I don't know how old you are or what jobs you could do- Is Cornwall really that expensive?

AcrossthePond55 · 09/06/2024 19:20

I'm so sorry. I, too, have a 'heart place' where I'll never be able to live. Much, MUCH too expensive and also my DH wouldn't ever want to live there. But I'm lucky in that I do have family that live near enough to it and a cousin who loves it too so I'm able to spend time there when I visit them.

All we can do is make the best of where we are. Even if we acknowledge that that best isn't really 'our' best.

Owlcat42 · 08/06/2024 22:36

I'd also wondered how you'd got on, and I'm sorry you haven't made it back to Cornwall though sadly not surprised. I think it's crazy how our government and those in other countries have just let the situation with airbnbs and other short-term lets get to the point where it's impossible for people to find anywhere to live long-term. It's just not right.

I'm glad you've got a beautiful garden where you are, but I hope you do make it back to Cornwall at least to visit. I love it off-season too. Take care OP.

Original poster

YouLookLikeVivieneLeigh · 08/06/2024 16:59

oakleaffy · 02/05/2024 09:09

@YouLookLikeVivieneLeigh
An old thread, but your opening post made my eyes prickle.
Did you find a wild place in Scotland?
I hope you did.

Environment has a HUGE impact on emotional wellbeing.

It's brutal that you couldn't have carried on living in Cornwall - bloody air b&b owners and landlords ramping up prices.

Really hope you are happier wherever you are.

Thank you for your reply and all previous ones.
Sadly, no I never got a chance to go back to living in Cornwall.
The one dream that I had in my entire life, has gone. It did happen though even if it was brief.
Someone told me 'be careful of what you wish for', that old saying! but I had to explain I didnt hate it. I loved it. I just didnt want it to go wrong but it did.
It WAS too good to be true and I kept thinking that while living there, and guess what? I was proven right.
It absolutely destroyed me having to live thereafter in this place, somewhere that I hate and my mental health plummeted. There were and are times when I didnt want to be here, as in this world.
I am alone, and even when people are friendly and talk with me here, I still feel like a fish out of water.
I have greatly improved how the place where I now live looks, and the garden is beautiful but it is still not Cornwall.
I have begun to accept the situation and so it doesnt impact my mental health quite like it did.
The main reason I could not return was lack of opportunity but mostly finances.
There were and are jobs in Cornwall.but absolutely none that would help me to pay for accomodation there, and have any left over for bills and food! This is how many people live in Cornwall. This is why crime rates are high, suicide rates are high and mental health issues high.
There is so much poverty in Cornwall and I am not certain how many holidaymakers see this. Go a few miles outside of the holiday destinations and it is there plain to see. The wealthy buy up places, some rent them out, they work and live elsewhere, and visit occassionally. Meanwhile those who were born and live there have no choice but to rent at overinflated prices for average properties.
I love Cornwall, and I don't mean the usual tourist places, that used to be beautiful until the true soul of them got erased by visitors, pasties and ice cream.
I love the off the beaten track Cornwall. The pure scenery, that costs nothing to view. The parts that are not overun by tourists
Sadly, I know that I will never be able to return due to my financial situation, but have thought of visiting during Autumn/Winter when prices are less expensive for accomodation.
I love Cornwall in all weathers, and there is beauty in the off peak seasons, providing you can cope with the rain and mizzle. I prefer it then. It has its own special beauty that is very different to the Summer holidays.
For now my quality of life is not great, my anxiety and depression is eased somewhat by medication and I just have to accept it and carry on accepting it, just like many people have to. Many millions in this world have it far worse.
Thank you all for your advice and help. It did, and has helped me.
Please no nasty replies as I am quite fragile mentally in some respects.
I have thought of other areas and I did visit some, but for me they just did not compare to Cornwall. I dont know what it is.
Perhaps spending so much time there as a Child and teenager many years ago, plus living there, I just feel 'at home' there, as though it is meant to be.
I wish you all the best.

OP posts:

oakleaffy · 02/05/2024 09:09

@YouLookLikeVivieneLeigh
An old thread, but your opening post made my eyes prickle.
Did you find a wild place in Scotland?
I hope you did.

Environment has a HUGE impact on emotional wellbeing.

It's brutal that you couldn't have carried on living in Cornwall - bloody air b&b owners and landlords ramping up prices.

Really hope you are happier wherever you are.

TreesAtSea · 09/04/2022 15:51

Saw your thread yesterday. Just wanted to say that I really hope you do find a way to live somewhere nicer than where you are currently. I'm just a few years younger than you and have also had a lifetime of suffering from depression, so I know how debilitating it can be. I too am unhappy living where I do, but am at a loss as to how to get myself somewhere more pleasant yet affordable. Anyway, very best of luck to you.

Xpologog · 08/04/2022 16:33

Property in Cornwall went mad during Covid. Lots of l.t rentals are now used for Airbnb.
Few things I can think of. Live in job in Cornwall. Live in job in other seaside location. House share.
Cheaper coastal areas are Lincolnshire, maybe Wales.
Might seem mad but could you live in a caravan or motorhome?

In the short term please talk to your GP about your MH, you need to be well to get you back to where you want to be.

Original poster

YouLookLikeVivieneLeigh · 08/04/2022 15:53

@Nailsbythesea

Firstly don’t spend another second depressed - that’s wasted. Plan this.

Options live in work, live in care work, lodger, speak to local charities, age U.K. based in Cornwall etc

Pack a bag and go after 12 years of living there surely you are a local resident and part of the community for housing -going back makes it sound like you need to be deported (!)

Yes, after 40 years of the deepest darkest, sometimes almost life ending Depression, I will not spend another second depressed, because it is wasted. How right you are and how foolish am I for never thinking of that! After 12 years of living in Cornwall as you say, it certainly did not make me a true local resident. There are people whose families go far back there, who are not eligible for any if at all local housing! Rents are hugely high. That is why even the true locals cannot afford a place to live. Poverty is huge. Tourists I think don't see the poverty, but it is there in certain parts, just hidden away behind the multimillionaire second homes, and also holiday homes. Try spending a day in Camborne or parts of St.Austell .

OP posts:

BOOTS52 · 08/04/2022 15:52

Just wanted to say I hope you are ok and have you talked to your gp about hrt as I just started after been years in peri meno and can feel a difference already. Do not give up your dreams as you never know what is around the corner and something might just change. Are there no live in jobs in b&b's or hotels in Cornwall for the summer as that is something to look for even if you could only spend summer's there and maybe while you are there be easier to get a little place to live there. Wishing you well and life is hard for so many at the moment, thanks for your update xx

Original poster

YouLookLikeVivieneLeigh · 08/04/2022 15:39

Since I last posted, I have been very unwell with anxiety and lately depression.
I got asked why do I live with my Ex? The simple answer is...because there is no one else, no family or friends.
Do I hate it? Yes. The alternative is a crappy council flat with neighbours who are mostly drug addicts and alcoholics. Nice.
I have done everything and more to get back to where I was, but quite simply, I cannot afford it. Rents are hugely high.
I have applied for positions and I get nowhere.
Am I employed? I have worked for over 40 years. I am now taking time to move away on top of my mental heath issues.
Will I return to Cornwall? Probably not.
I am not always so black and white as someone mentioned. I just loved where I lived. I loved the area. I have travelled a lot and that place just felt like home to me. It was probably the most beautiful part of Cornwall. Not the crappy tourist areas, but a wild and remote area with sea on one side and countryside on the other. It was so quiet except for the sounds of the birds and animals.
So anyway I am now looking at rural Scotland, as it is a lot less expensive there.
Last week I did not care to be alive, but today I feel a little more optimistic.
Thank you genuinely to those who helped me, and to those who say forget about your depression, obviously you have not experienced true depression that has ruined your life for 40 years, medication or no medication. Try having NHS GP's who do not care, and living in an area where they are mostly all the same. Try having NHS psychiatric care. It is appalling, all that I have experienced.
I will not write any further, but once more Thank You to those that made helpful suggestions.

OP posts:

Original poster

YouLookLikeVivieneLeigh · 08/04/2022 15:30

Thank you for the helpful messages.
As for the not so helpful, I laughed....' When did I last have a chat with my GP?' ha....Where I live, no one chats or sees their GP anymore. We have to arrange a triage call with a Nurse, usually 3 weeks in advance, who then decides whether you are important enough to see a GP.
To the poster who said ' forget your depression' ha....I have lived with Depression since I was 14. I am now mid 50's.
I am on medication that gets changed every few years.
I have been suicidal and where I live it is...Go home and the Crisis Team will call. They don't.
This is not a 'celeb depression' that I suffer with. It is a very real life changing living day to day depression. Will I be alive tomorrow? Who knows...only my depression does.

OP posts:

watcherintherye · 17/02/2022 09:23

I’m afraid I haven’t read the whole thread, and don’t know your work history, but would a live-in post as a housekeeper or companion fit the bill? ‘The Lady’ magazine usually has small ads for such posts, some of which might be Cornwall/The West Country?

MaybeMaybeNotJ · 17/02/2022 09:13

The Lincolnshire coast is very quiet and lovely. But quite remote so alot cheaper x

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 17/02/2022 08:57

I'm going against the grain and would suggest seeing your GP as a matter of urgency. Lots of people have to move somewhere that is not where they'd love to live and they have to look for alternative housing. Once you have your head straight maybe you can start looking at what benefits you are entitled to / an alternative coastline. Best of luck.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 17/02/2022 08:46

It's worth considering how much Cornwall itself is important, vs another nice place that has more housing options. As if you do get back to Cornwall you may have the stress of unstable housing, being dependent on a landlord not selling up/ a live in job which may bring it's own stresses.

It may be that you feel the benefits of Cornwall itself outweigh that stress, but I'd recommend exploring other areas first which could offer beautiful surroundings, open space, community with more housing options for you. That could overall help your mood and wellbeing more than living in Cornwall itself but with worry around housing.

I'd think about what it is you liked about Cornwall. The coast? Open space? Community? Pretty villages?

liveforsummer · 17/02/2022 08:05

Lots of good suggestions on this thread and I hope throwing yourself in to the plan to get back will help you out of your spiral. Also plan for the future if a similar situation arises. As a pp said it was extreme to move back as you did, surely a gritty place in cone wall temporarily while presumably keeping your job would have done until you can find something better. After some time living there you would class as 'from there' and you'd get council help in future. I think some sort of live on position would be ideal for you atm, perhaps one that doesn't expect too many hours so you can still work outside of the house too as I feel the long hours that come with some hospitality roles wouldn't be ideal for you - correct me if I'm wrong. All things for you to consider just now as per of your plan

FuzzyPuffling · 17/02/2022 07:44

Cornwall housing prices are below the average for England and Wales. I know that's a bit meaningless, but it does very much depend on where you live. Rock, St Mawes, St Ives, or anywhere on the sea front? Stupidly pricey. Camborne, Bodmin, Delabole or further inland? Much, much cheaper. You pay for pretty.

Oblomov22 · 17/02/2022 05:51

I don't understand why you are so extremist, or is that part of your depression? What job did you do and why did you just leave your job when your accommodation became too much. Surely you could have found something temporary, even if it was grotty to allow you to stay nearby.

You say you know about mental health system, but your AD's clearly aren't working for you.

UsernameInTheTown · 17/02/2022 05:35

Find a live in job in Cornwall, housekeeper, hospitality, nanny.
Move to a cheaper seaside.
Move off grid. Move to a nicer crap-town.
Find a house share in Cornwall.

Nailsbythesea · 17/02/2022 05:15

Firstly don’t spend another second depressed - that’s wasted. Plan this.

Options live in work, live in care work, lodger, speak to local charities, age U.K. based in Cornwall etc

Pack a bag and go after 12 years of living there surely you are a local resident and part of the community for housing -going back makes it sound like you need to be deported (!)

TheWayTheLightFalls · 17/02/2022 05:11

OP, kindly, if you gave a bit more info you’d get more from this thread.

Do you work, can you work? If so what kind of experience do you have? It’s all great suggesting you nanny/work in a pub, but if you’re an internet-based spoon-juggler that’s going to give you different options than if you have health difficulties and can’t work at all.

What is your budget?

Are there places in the uk you need to be near for family etc?

What is it about Cornwall, and could that something feasibly be replicated in Pembrokeshire, Northumberland, Norfolk, the Scottish coast?

I am, contra others, not a fan of the “visualise, plan and it’ll happen” school. You’re a (unemployed?) 58 year old hingeing your mental health on a move to one of the most expensive bits of the country. I think a pragmatic approach to understanding what is behind this and how to navigate it are in order.

lightand · 16/02/2022 21:14

And if you loved the area you were in, start with that one.

lightand · 16/02/2022 21:13

Could you be a lodger?
With or without helping out with some odd jobs/housekeeping/bit of caring involved.
Cornwall has many elderly as I am sure you are aware.

UniversalAunt · 16/02/2022 21:10

I understand the lure of the Cornish coast & countryside, it has a phenomenal allure. But as other posters have mentioned there are many other places in the UK that offer a more peaceful & settled environment that where you are now.

But as we know even in the most magical parts of Cornwall, there are significant economic problems in housing & sustainable work for local people, so looking further afield may take you to places with more affordable housing.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 16/02/2022 20:59

There aren't just two.places in the country, Cornwall and where you're from! What about a coastal area not too far away? Plenty of lovely coast all around the country. Look anywhere and everywhere. You deserve a nicer life but it doesn't have to be in expensive and highly sought after Cornwall.